That way madness lies.

Oh Romantic Comedy, Why Are You Such A Sucky Genre?

2009-12-01T13:28:00.007-06:00

gavin and i were talking about rom-coms tonight (a genre that he is NOT a fan of). we had a bit of a tiff about what actually constitutes a romantic comedy and what doesn't. in light of our argument (and the fact that we found no resolution) i decided to put it to all of you...

i've come up with a list (or four) of rom-coms. the first is a list of movies that i think are undeniably rom-coms, ones that i actually think are good (and why). the second is rom-coms that are most certainly rom-coms and most certainly suck. thirdly, rom-coms that are and that are good in that cracky sort of way. the fourth is the heart of the debate. movies that are awesome, but are they actually romantic comedies? you'll see why it's even up for debate when i come to them.

let's start with a few ground rules. all of these films are contemporary. i decided not to go back into those older films like 'bringing up baby' because i felt like maybe a lot of people haven't seen them and well, because i wanted to talk about modern film and it's my blog so i do what i like, damn it.

come to think of it, that's the only ground rule. i'm sure you'll notice that there are some films that i've just totally left out (i don't want to talk about 'pretty woman', i just don't) but you'll either have to comment about how you feel that it was horrible for me to have left it out or you'll have to just suck it up. now that i've yelled at everyone, let's begin...

romantic comedies that we KNOW are romantic comedies and that we love...

1. 4 weddings and a funeral-- ok, so this one may be a little trite (and we can hold it singularly responsible for inflicting hugh grant on the world- god help us!) but i still think that it holds up as a good rom-com. most of the characters are pretty fantastic (and SO bloody english!) and there are some quite good laughs and it fits the formula (boy meets girl, boy falls for girl, boy gets girl, boy loses girl, boy wins girl back). the people are pretty and everyone is happy in the end. there are tears (i defy you to not sniffle at least a little when john hannah reads wh auden's 'funeral blues' over the coffin of his partner) and laughs and happy endings. way to go, richard curtis. we'll be talking with you again soon.

2. coming to america- oh, i bet you forgot about this one, didn't you? it's not one that you think of right away but it IS a rom-com. again, totally fits the formula (boy meets girl, falls for girl, girl starts falling for boy, boy loses girl, girl decides to move to africa to marry the boy after all). this is from back in the day when eddie murphy was actually funny and not such a douche.

3. groundhog day- so, andie mcdowel (sp), we meet again... this movie is a classic. how can you say it's not? bill murray is beautiful (as he so often is. i would like to say here that 'rushmore' would totally be a candidate for one of those maybe/maybe not rom-coms but it's not on my list... i now kind of wish that it was) and the story is great. it's touching and sad and funny and fits our aforementioned formula in it's own day repeating itself way.

oh, and i've always wanted to do this if i get pulled over and i know i'm going to jail anyway (i wouldn't though-- robin and i talk about this a lot)

4. joe vs the volcano- ah, a rom-com from the people who made all of the rom-coms that people think are good but aren't. tom hanks and meg ryan deliver an actually funny film in this one (remember when tom hanks was funny? yeah, it was a looooong time ago but it's back there). it's not people who've never met yet somehow fall in love 'sleepless in seatle' and it's not oh so crappy 'you've got mail'. it's quirky, it's touching and it has its tongue firmly planted in its cheek. if you haven't seen this one, you should. if you have, think about it again and i'm sure you'll be running to blockbuster.

5. ghost town- i actually love this movie. it didn't do very well in theaters and i'm not totally sure why. it's very ricky gervais (maybe people just don't buy his as a romantic lead, i dunno). it's funny and it's sweet and you actually believe that tea leone (and let's be real, she's WAY out of ricky's league) would fall for him. if you like ricky (the office, extras) then you'll like this movie. there are just no two ways about it. it's a bit metaphysical but whatever, that adds to the fun. at its heart it's just a sweet movie about a jackass who falls for the great girl and has to win her over (again-- boy falls for girl, boy sort of gets girl, boy loses girl, boy wins girl back). it follows the formula but allows the comedic genius in ricky gervais to really shine.

so, i was just looking around youtube for clips from this movie to put up and i realized something. maybe it didn't do so well because it's TOTALLY not billed as a rom-com. it's billed as this weird movie that's all about ricky gervais talking to a dead greg kinear (who is also pretty damn funny). too bad the marketing let this film down. in the end, all i could find was the stupid trailer but i suppose it's better than nothing.

6. love actually- so, we've come back around to richard curtis (who wrote 4 weddings). this one was actually his directorial debut. i think that the jury's out for a lot of people about this movie but i really liked it. although some of the cast bothers me (seriously, richard, step AWAY from hugh grant!) i think that some of the actors in it are marvelous (alan rickman, emma thompson, liam neeson, colin firth, chiwetel ejifor...) and the movie really is quite well done. it's got that curtis mix of love and laughs and heartbreak. i also kind of love the fact that it's a bunch of little love stories all going on at once. it's sort of the rom-com version of six degrees of separation. even if you don't like one of the mini-story lines just wait a hot second and you'll be in the middle of another one. also, i like that it's christmasy (i don't know why). and, come on, any film in which colin firth ends up jumping into a lake can't be all bad.

7. dan in real life- this movie took me totally by surprise when i saw it. i didn't even know about it until it was already on dvd (maybe it never made it to theaters, i don't know). i saw that it was steve carell (who i love) and so just went with it. then i got the lovely surprise that is juliette binoche. dane cook is in it, too but he really isn't that bad (i usually dislike him intensely). it's just such a sweet and funny movie and it has a pretty spectacular soundtrack by sondre lerche. this is one of those that you just have to see. i can tell you about the plot but it won't do it justice. like 'little miss sunshine' this movie proves that steve carell is more than just a goofball. again, all i could find is the preview but i think it's worth watching.

i think we should move on to rom-coms that we love because they're so bad (but we still love them)

1. just my luck- there are a number of reasons that i love this movie (although it really is SO bad). i kind of love lindsey lohan even though i don't know why, they filmed it in nola (shot to look like new york) and our very own meeg is not only an extra but he can actually be seen in a number of scenes (awesome). let's just call it what it is though. it's crack. it's probably killing your brain cells but it's good fun anyway. i tried to locate the meeg clip on youtube but couldn't. if you do watch this movie wait for the scene when she's going into the art gallery and stare straight ahead to the people already there. you will see meeg standing there in the distance. keep an eye out during the gallery scene because he pops up a few times. yey meeg!

2. kate & leopold- meeg and i like to talk about this movie sometimes. it's yet another meg ryan masterpiece in which she falls in love with a duke who has come forward from the 19th century (hugh jackman). yeah, so the movie is pretty crappy all around and maybe it's only cracky goodness for people like meeg and myself who love the fact that hugh jackman's character is based on an actual person. we enjoy sitting around talking about the inaccuracies in the character and plot line based on what we know about the real guy. if you kind of love/hate historical inaccuracy then this will be a great watch for you. if you don't care about that stuff then maybe skip this one because jackman is awkward and ryan is shrill. the fun is in the ridiculousness of it all.

3. she's all that- ah, i love it when they take a pretty girl, slap glasses on her and make out that she's awkward and ugly (and you know that the scene in which they take off her glasses and put her in some nice clothes and, hey presto! she's hot, is coming). maybe it's not really THIS movie that i love but the whole ugly duckling (who we all can plainly see isn't actually ugly) is for some reason turned into a swan corner of the rom-com market. again, the ridiculousness is what makes it good (and bad).

4. just one of the guys- this is sort of a classic (and perhaps the quintessential girl posing as boy falls for another boy and then has to reveal that she's actually a girl rom-com). i think that everyone's probably seen this one since it was made in the 80s. it really is so bad (and the bad guy from the karate kid is in it) but it's cracktacular. i also love how nobody can tell that the 'boy' is CLEARLY a girl (although maybe this one pulls of the maleness the best. amanda bines doesn't do as well in that soccer movie that she made).

i think it's about time that we turn our attention to some just out and out BAD rom-coms. these are the ones that give all other rom-coms a bad name

1. you've got mail- i thought that i'd start with this one since you'd think that it would be good. it stars two of the people who were in one of the 'good' rom-coms, meg ryan and tom hanks but that doesn't help it at all. oh yeah, greg kinear was in it, too (and parker posey, come to think of it). ugh, whatever, no amount of good actors is going to make this film anything but what it is-- sucky. it was an attempt to rekindle the magic (if you can call it that) of 'sleepless in seatle'. this is like the movie i'm going to mention next in that they clearly just picked up any script and thought maybe it would do well just because it was hanks and ryan reunited. instead it's a hollow shell of a film. i don't like the characters and even the actors seem not to as they all phone in their performances. really, this is one to be missed.

2. runaway bride- this is the other reunion film that i was talking about. repairing richard gere and julia roberts after 'pretty woman'. it doesn't seem like they did too much work looking for a script though and came up with some bullshit. seriously, gere and roberts fall in love after they've known each other for like 3 days. it's crap. i hate it when that happens. an attraction is one thing, saying you're going to get married after a week is just a recipe for divorce. this movie was so bad that it hurts my brain to think about it.

3. 27 dresses- oh, katherine heigl, how i loathe you. do we really have to talk about why this is an awful movie? girl who loves weddings ends up having to plan the wedding of her dream man to her own sister >gasp<. as she does so some aspiring journalist stuck in the wedding announcements section decides to covertly do a piece on her. they fall in love but his editor publishes the awful piece about her anyway, blah blah blah. oh, it's just so awful. who the hell loves weddings so much that they volunteer to be bride's maids in 27 weddings?!? who even knows that many people who are getting married?! it's ridiculous and the only person in the cast i even like is james marsden (shame on you, james, for even making this crapfest of a movie!).

4. the ugly truth- katherine heigl strikes again (and this time she brings gerard butler down with her). admittedly, gerry boy does himself no favors in this film. this is another one in which it took me 20 minutes to figure out where the hell this guy is meant to be from. is he american? is he scottish? was he born in scotland and maybe lived there for 10 or so years and then moved to america so his accent is just super diluted? who the hell knows. gerry, just use your own accent! it's really lovely and you CAN'T do an american one, i don't care what they keep telling you. it's wrong, just wrong. heigl's character is super high maintenance and bitchy and butler's is crass and a bit of a prick. so, we like them when they get together and sort of mellow each other out? no, we don't. why? because we've spent so much of the movie disliking them that we couldn't care less what happens and sort of wish that they would both just die at the end. that being said, gerry is nice to look at so we'll have a clip (he really does say everything he can to make people gasp in this clip. seriously-- did you have to say 'vag'? we knew what you were going for. totally not needed.)

i could go on about bad rom-coms but i won't waste your time (or mine). we all know what they are, we all know that sandra bullock and/or hugh grant are in most of them and we know how to avoid them. now, i'd like to move on to the last part of my post-- rom-coms that i'm not really sure are even rom-coms (but i think are AMAZING pieces of cinematic art).

1. eternal sunshine of the spotless mind- who knew jim carey could be in a movie and NOT pull ridiculous faces and act like an idiot? i didn't, but i can see how it would take genius like charlie kaufman (who also wrote 'adaptation' and 'being john malcovich') to do it. kate winslet is lovely and the rest of the cast are great even though i have mixed feelings about some of them (that's right, kirsten dunst, i'm looking at you). i'm not even going to being trying to explain the plot of this movie. if you've seen it then you'll understand why. i could do it but that's an entry unto itself. if you haven't seen it, you MUST. it's beautiful. it's sad and funny and touching and experimental and not trite or contrived at all. it's one of those movies that you'll see more than once and that'll stick with you long after the dvd is over.

2. wristcutters, a love story-- i didn't see this one coming (although i should have. patrick fugit seems to have pretty flawless taste- and tom waits is in it, too). i rented it once and never watched it. then one day it came on tv and i did. i loved it. it's about this kid (patrick fugit) who kills himself when his girlfriend breaks up with him. he ends up in this dim pseudo-reality where suicides live out eternity. they work, they have apartments-- it's just like the real world only far more depressing (no one can smile, they just don't have the ability). he finds out one day that the girl he killed himself over committed suicide shortly after he did and he sets out on a roadtrip with this crazy guy he meets to find her. along the way they meet shannon sossamon (sp) who is looking for 'the people in charge' because she maintains she's there on accident, she didn't kill herself. along the way the run into all kinds of crazy, cool people (tom waits) and they listen to some excellent music (gogol bordello). since most of you probably haven't seen it, i won't say anymore but i really do think this is one of those movies that deserves to be on this list. it's well imagined, well acted, funny, weird, touching and makes you not want to kill yourself. i'd say that's something you always want out of a movie.

3. science of sleep- yeah, gael garcia bernal can pretty much do no wrong. mix him up in with a weird love story set in paris/his dream world (which he can't distinguish from reality most of the time) and i can't get enough of this film. it's hard to say what it's really about other than a guy who is mexican/french who falls in love with his french neighbor. the crazy loveliness of it comes in because he's a dreamer-- literally. he sleeps and has these insanely vivid dreams. he can never tell what part of his life is real and what is the dream. it's simply magical. i also love that it's weirdly tri-lingual. sometimes they're speaking in french but bernal's character's french is really bad so sometimes it's in english (and others it's in spanish).

sidebar- while looking for the trailer on youtube i found out that the guy who directed this also did 'eternal sunshine' totally makes sense.

4. waitress- this is another one that took me by surprise. not least because i don't like what's her face (the chick from 'felicity'). it took a long time for me to come around to watching this one but when i finally did i thought it was amazing. it sort of reminds me of 'pushing daisies' because the felicity chick is a pie-maker. it's hard to actually call this a romantic comedy though because it's not the sort of happy ending that you'd expect from one (granted, 'eternal sunshine' and 'science of sleep' don't have very cut and dry happy endings, either'). i'm still going to shove this one in that category though. it's funny and bizarre (not as bizarre as the other films on this list) and the best parts are when she's making up pies. i love the names she gives them (like 'bad babby pie' when she finds out she's pregnant with her horrible husband's baby). it's one of those films that wasn't promoted well. it's a shame, too because it really deserves to be on everyone's favorites list.

5. amelie- possibly my favorite movie ever. how can you NOT love this movie? jeunet is a genius ('city of the lost children', 'delicatessen', 'a very long engagement'), the cast is wonderful (audrey tautou alone makes any movie worth watching) and the story really is magical. i love everything about this movie, from the green tint to paris uber-romanticized to the whimsical way everyone is introduced with things they like and don't like (the narration is brilliant). i'm sure that everyone has seen this film already, it was so terribly popular when it came out (and for good reason). i love the little games that amelie plays and the way her imagination sets the tone for the entire film. it's so very french, so very funny, so very sad and so very beautiful. it's everything that a romantic comedy (?) should be. if you haven't seen it then that's a crime, if you have then you should probably see it again. it'll make you want to run away to paris and fall in love.

ok kids, i think that's about enough from me. i'm sure you're tired of thinking about rom-coms anyway. i hope that this has a least inspired you to go out and see a few feel good films that may or may not actually be romantic comedies. happy falling in love!

what's up with that?

2009-11-30T09:23:00.006-06:00

yo, i really have no idea what's up with my lack of posting lately. the last few posts (which were ages ago) were lame, just youtubed nonsense. such a blog post cop-out. can't think of something- -let someone else do the talking.

i would love to say that i have something really interesting that i want to school everyone about, but that would just be a blatant lie. so, what's been on my mind lately? NOTHING. for the last few minutes i've been thinking about how i want an invite to google wave and that i should have taken my friend up on it when it was offered to me a few weeks ago. i didn't know what it was (i still don't, really) and i declined. now i'm digging on the idea of having it, even if i'm not going to use it, and i want it. i'm very impressed that google has managed to create something and make me want it without even telling me what it is. kudos. that's some good stuff you're layin' down, g-men.
other than my 15 minute long g-wave frenzy, i got nuthin'. thanksgiving was non-existent (you know, because there were no pilgrims or native americans in scotland). that totally makes me think about christina ricci in addams family values and that kind of fantastic thanksgiving play scene

which then makes me think about how christina ricci went from this...

to this...

and that freaks me out.

yeah, so... thanksgiving. that went by and nothing happened. now it's almost december and everybody's talking about christmas and what-not. this would be a really good time for me to get a job since all of the shops are looking for christmas help. i sent off my application for my national insurance number and am just waiting (and waiting) to get it back so that i can't start a' lookin'.

i'll keep you posted on any jobs/job related awesome discounts on cool stuff that might come up. i think that it's going to be a pretty rough holiday season. i'm going to miss my family and friends a lot. i'm trying to convince gavin that paris is the best place to spend new years (or hogamany in edinburgh at the very least-- we'll talk about how they call it hogamany here and why at some later date).

oh, i went to the dentist today. had a cavity. thought british dental care was going to be barbaric. was wrong, wasn't that bad. have a doctor's appointment wednesday... this is how exciting my life is (sigh).

i have been writing, although i hit a bit of a stumbling block and had to backtrack and rewrite a bunch of stuff. ah well, it was bound to happen. think i'm getting close to the end of the new novel now (barring anymore stumbling blocks). i think that this one will actually be more market friendly. while i'm shopping this one out i'm going to rework the first one so that maybe SOMEDAY someone will buy the damn thing from me and let somebody else read it (fingers crossed).

hmm, what else is going on? i suppose that's it, really. i'm uber excited about the saints this season. having said that, i've probably just jinxed them for tonight's game. for right now though, at this very second in time (which i am going to freeze forever with this post) the SAINTS are 10-0. lemme hear ya say, "who dat?!"

so, we'll be watching the game come 1:30am. wishing that we could be back in nola watching it with all of our peeps.

i must say that i'm loving this arctic winter, though. ffffreezing, yes, but i can't get enough. i think we're going to get a christmas tree next week. it might even snow. i guess that's about all i've got. i promise to be good and write more soon (and more often).

for now-- thanks for stopping by, happy monday, roll on december and tom brady throws like a girl (a little girl with ribbons in her hair) GEAUX SAINTS!!

When all else fails I know that I can always count on Dara.

2009-10-15T16:07:00.004-05:00

this isn't to say that anything is actually failing, things are going pretty well actually. i just wanted to give a little shout out to my new pal, dara o'brien. he's the host of 'mock the week' and he's fecking hilarious. check him out...

Newsflash: Britain sends frantic Facebook message to the US: "I thought you said we were BFFs. I still love you, do you still love me?"

2009-09-25T08:08:00.005-05:00

Ahhh, every politico and news corespondent here in Britain is in a flutter over the perceived 'snubbing' of Prime Minister Gordon Brown by Obama at the G20 in Pittsburgh (by the way, can someone PLEASE fill me in on WHY THE HELL THEY WOULD HOLD THE G20 IN PITTSBURGH?!). there has been endless news coverage and speculation about the demise of the 'special relationship' between the uk and us. in keeping with its role as the 'needier' of the two friends (i can totally relate to that) britain has been showing its true colo(u)rs by endlessly speculating that 'the united states just doesn't love us like they used to'. desperate for validation and some sort of reassurance from the us that their status as first on the list of 'top friends' the bbc and other news agencies are doing all they can to assure the worried populace that the states really does need britain almost as much as britain needs the us (if it weren't for us all of their military actions would actually be unilateral! we're the only ones that allow them to say they were multilateral! they need us!). a lot of the reassurance being offered by the bbc is falling on deaf ears, though. the people know that now that america has obama that they might not need the uk to be BFFs anymore. obama's popular enough in europe (and really everywhere OTHER than the us) to have his pick of new BFFs. seriously, britain is worried. in response america is assuring britain that they'll always have a 'special relationship' and that maybe it's just time to see what it's like to spend a little time apart ("it's not like we kicked you off the bowling team!"). adding that, "it's not you, it's us", america has slightly deferred but not squelched the fingernail biting nervousness of the people of britain ("ok, but you're going to call us this weekend, right? wait, was that a yes? well, i'll call you if i haven't heard from you by sunday, ok? is that ok? wait... where are you going?!?!").
here's gordon brown looking longingly at obama for a hint that they're still BFFs... poor Gordon.

go to http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk_politics/8272061.stm to see gordon brown insist that BFF means FOREVER (or click on the title of this entry to go directly to the video)

The Easiest Hard Game Show In The UK

2009-09-03T12:34:00.002-05:00

ok, so there's this game show here called, 'eggheads'. in it, a group of five contestants (a team of people who all know each other somehow) are pitted against these 5 people (same ones every week) who are somehow the best quiz show contestants in british history. one of them won 'who wants to be a millionaire', one of them (the most impressive one) won some show called '15 to 1' (which is now off the air but was apparently really, really hard) no less than 3 times, one of them won brain of britain... and that's not all they've won. let's just say that these five people have a score of quiz/game show wins between them (some of them amazingly impressive). so, the thing is that there's a preliminary part in which there's a specific area of knowledge (like arts and books or science). one of the contestants picks an 'egghead' to go up against in a head to head. they answer three multiple choice questions each. if, at the end of that, they are tied, it goes to sudden death in which the questions are no longer multiple choice. this is usually where the contestants lose to their chosen 'egghead'. whomever loses the head to head is knocked off. this happens four times until they come down to the last person (who does not do a head to head). this is when the show moves into the 'general knowledge' section. the remaining team members (those who didn't get knocked off in their head to heads) sit at the table and are allowed to confer on the questions asked. i've seen episodes where it's all 5 eggheads against one poor soul. i've also seen ones where people manage to knock off some of the eggheads (although it's rare for more than one or two eggheads to get knocked off). anyway, it's played the same way as the head to heads-- three multiple choice questions and then sudden death. the prize for the show is 1,000 pounds but every time a team loses that money rolls over to the next show. the one gavin and i just watched had a prize of 73,000 pounds.
thing is, i want to go on this with my hand-picked team (i'm looking at you here-- gavin, meeg, richard and allyson). i think we can do it. they are after all, not unbeatable...

What Are They Thinking?!?!?

2009-08-31T17:19:00.002-05:00

this isn't as bad as iggy pop selling car insurance but still... alice, what are you thinking?!?!

at least stephen fry only does voice overs but... PET INSURANCE?!?!?!?!? oh, stephen... for shame!

The Star of the 2009 World Championships in Berlin

2009-08-23T09:22:00.008-05:00

i know what you're thinking. you're thinking that i'm going to say that the star of 2009 world championships is none other than usain bolt. with his charisma and non-stop world record breaking he is a draw no matter where he goes or what he does (which is always something spectacular). after his stunning time in the 100 meter sprint-- here he is standing next to his jaw-dropping 9.58 second time-- he went ahead to break his own world record time in the 200 meter and then contribute to the jamacain team's gold medal in the relay. already one of the best sprinters the world has ever seen, bolt is the man of the minute.

but bolt IS NOT the star that i am here to tell you about. the real star of the 2009 world championships in berlin is none other than... Berlino the bear, the mascot of this year's world championships. he is the talk of the athletic community. he is there on the sidelines with every winning athlete, hamming it up for the cameras, whipping the crowd into a frenzy, causing a stir with every camera crew that passes him (letting gold medal winning athletes walk right on by as they focus in their little crazy cameras on this utterly adorable, totally entertaining man in a bear costume).

here is the bear in the, um, fuzz, sharing the moment with one mr. bolt, making front pages world-wide by joining bolt in his customary celebration salute.

later, he ran a race with bolt (he is one of bolt's biggest fans... under his berlin 2009 number tag he wears another one that reads, 'ich bein ien bolt'), again making headlines around the world.

berlino is friends with many of the other athletes, as well, though. he's very chummy with bolt but has no shortage of friends in all other areas of athletics. here he is being lifted by the gold medal discuss champion...

i won't shame him by publishing a picture of him dropping the world champion, melanie walker, as he carried her on his back in celebration of her win. she has commented that she could see that he was clearly running towards a baracade and wasn't sure that he could see it (which he clearly didn't-- evidenced by the fact that he ran smack into it) but that even when he knocked into it, fell onto his back and onto her (he could have seriously hurt her but she was just fine and as he helped her up she laughed and continued to celebrate her 400m gold medal run) she loved every second of it.

even given that little blunder our friend berlino the bear has made this year's world championships something to truly remember. yeah, yeah, we'll all remember bolt and his spectacular speed but i think that what we'll all take away from these world championships is a new little fuzzy friend, one that will hold a place in our hearts forever. we love you, berlino. you really are the star. Ich bein ein Berlino!!

ps- and if you're thinking that it would be oh so cute to get a little Berlino momento for yourself, you're out of luck. they have sold out worldwide. time to resort to ebay, kids!

The NHS, American Health Care and the Inane Attempts to Compare Them

2009-08-15T00:00:00.005-05:00

ok, check it. i don't know exactly what's being said in the american (undoubtedly right-wing) media about the nhs over here in britain. all i know is that a) a tory mp went on american television bashing the nhs and b) that there are some americans who are (without any knowledge about how the system here ACTUALLY works) bashing the nhs and somehow saying that obama is going to create the same situation in the states.

let's start with the most asinine of all of the parts of this story/controversy...

-obama creating a nationalized health care system in the united states.

let's get real, here, people. this is never going to happen. if you live in the states you are NEVER going to have what is essentially socialized health care. he might be talking about insurance coverage for everyone or access to medicine for everyone but he is NOT talking about setting up a comprehensive system in which the vast majority of the population get their health care from a tax payer funded nationalized scheme. i think that we all know this. americans have always had this knee-jerk aversion to the notion of anything even remotely resembling 'socialism' and every politicain knows this. something like the NHS would NEVER happen in the states. no politician would attempt it and it's not even what obama's proposing... so why the hell are americans attacking the nhs? it has nothing to do with you, your health care system, the way things are going to be or the way people want things to be. it's none of your business, frankly, and you're pissing off the closest allies you have. shut the fuck up and deal with the situation (if it's one you don't like) in a reasonable and legitimate way. use rational arguments, don't start picking on a system that's so remote to what is being proposed that you can't even see it (oh, and while i'm at it, don't criticize what you don't understand).

-that jackass tory mp

first of all, this guy is a conservative politician. remember that, over here, the liberals are (for now) in power. their government is crumbling underneath them and the tories are on the warpath. they're attacking everything they can get their hands on. this mp, though, overstepped the mark. the leader of his party, david cameron, has denounced this politician's statements and has said that the tory party fully stands behind the nhs as a viable and productive system. also, there IS private health care here in the uk. you don't HAVE to be a part of the nhs system if you can afford not to be. if you think for one second that ANY of the tory mps actually use the nhs then you are sadly mistaken. they, like american politicians, are privy to health care that the rest of us can't afford and will never see. it's just the way things are. the more money you have, the better health care you get. it's the same in the states. it's the same the world over. get used to it. it's here to stay.

-american bashing of the nhs and the way the nhs actually is

i've been in this country and have availed myself of the services of the nhs for 5 months now. this by no means makes me an expert on the system (i think a trip to the emergency room would be necessary to do that and i'm doing my utmost to avoid that particular scenario). i do, however, have first hand knowledge of how many different aspects of the system works. i will give all of you a little inside information... the nhs is by no means perfect but the nhs is actually a good system in many ways. when i first arrived here in the uk, i went down to my local health centre, filled out two pieces of paper, was seen by a nurse (to get my vitals for my chart) and within 10 minutes of stepping through the door was in the system. i made an appointment with a doctor to talk about medication and things that i needed/would need in the near future. i DID NOT have to wait a month for an appointment. in fact, i got an appointment 3 days later. one issue i do take with the nhs is that each 'regular' doctor's appointment is for 10 minutes and 10 minutes only. if you need further care you have to make a special appointment during which the doctor can see you for a longer period of time. i had to tell the doctor what i needed, give her a run-down of what i could recall of my medical history (since i don't have a comprehensive chart from any one GP- thanks, katrina) and discuss what i felt like i was going to need in the future- all in 10 minutes. if you have a cold and some other complaint, you have to hurry and discuss all of your symptoms/issues with the doctor in a relatively short period of time. i'm not used to this. i'm used to being in the states where i was, admittedly, one of the lucky ones. although i didn't have health insurance for years, my father is a doctor and therefore has many colleagues who saw me without charging me (my ob/gyn never charged me and i saw her for about 12 years). i had the privilege of having access to some of the best medical care and i could sit and talk to my doctors about what i felt was wrong for as long as i felt i needed to. having said that, i haven't had any issues with the curtailed time that i get to spend with the doctor. i have found that if you get straight to the point, you usually don't need more than 10 minutes. if blood work or exams of other sorts are needed, they are ordered and a nurse takes your blood (or whatever) and you're called back to discuss what the results were and what should happen from there. in my opinion, if you have a laundry list of problems that is going to take you more than 10 minutes to recount then perhaps it's the hospital you should be going to and not your local gp.

my other issues with the nhs are few, but important (i think). i take great issue with the fact that they only offer gynecological exams once every three years (unless you've recently had an abnormal result, in which case you are treated once every 6 months-- just like in the states). it is standard practice in the states to have one annually. there is a reason for this. things like hpv and the spread of cervical cancer are NOT things that take more than 3 years. you can go in, have a clean result, develop a papaloma and that can actually morph into stage 5 (which is cervical cancer) within 3 years. the time delay between routine checkups within the nhs system is dangerously long. on the flip-side, in the states, if you want an exam of this sort you are going to pay for it. when i DID have insurance, they wouldn't pay for my annual exam because it was 'preventative' and therefore not really necessary (admittedly, that insurance plan was horrible). if you don't have insurance, the money to pay out of pocket for it or a doctor whose husband went to medical school with your dad you won't even get an exam every three years... you won't get one at all. these aren't things that are offered at the free clinic or even charity hospital (when it was up and running-- thanks again, katrina). here in the uk you CAN pay a private doc to give you an annual exam if you can afford it (just like in the states). so really my complaint is a little insane. it amounts to the fact that they're not offering me a free exam annually (when i only got free exams in the states because i was one of the VERY fortunate few-- VERY, VERY few who have weird connections within the medical community).

my other complaint about the nhs has to do with their psychological care scheme. i have to preface this with the fact that this has to be taken with a grain of salt because in the states there is little to no access to free psychological care. unless you're being locked away by the state (which means you're going to a prison-like state-run mental care facility) you don't have the option of going to therapy and the state will foot the bill. in fact, most health insurance plans in no way cover the cost of psychological care. if you live in the states and you're fucked in the head (which, let's be honest here, we all are) you're paying out of pocket for any help you might be getting. so, to my complaint... there is nhs psych care here but it is limited. it's not like in the states where i saw my psychotherapist once every three weeks/month for an hour a session (at $165 a pop). here, you see a therapist for about 20 minutes once every two months or so. it's not enough time to get comfortable enough to start talking about issues that you might be having and it's certainly not enough time for the doctor to assess your situation and come up with an accurate diagnosis/treatment plan. i also have to say that they are loathe to treat certain psychological ailments in the same way that they do in the states. in the states, the doctors throw anti-anxiety medication at any anxiety related affliction. they have no qualms with leaving people on meds like valium and xanax for decades. here, it's not the done thing. they don't like putting people on things like benzos (the class of drugs that valium and xanax fall under). it's the addictive nature of them that they don't like. they will, however give you mood-altering drugs (and leave you on them for extended periods of time) that actually alter the chemical composition/the way your brain responds to hormones, etc being released into it-- like serotonin inhibitors. this to me makes no sense at all. they would rather actually mess with the way your brain functions than get you addicted to a medication that you can later be weaned off of. while they're doing this, they don't really give you adequate therapy to treat the underlying problem. it's a big mess and i don't think that it solves any one's problems. then again, you CAN go private and pay (again, about $200 per session) to see a therapist who will be more than happy to keep you on addictive substances and meet with you for an hour every three weeks if you can afford it. hence the grain of salt. the free psych care that you can get isn't really adequate and seems to me to be ill-informed of the dangers of certain psych meds. on the other hand there actually IS free psych care. that's at least a step further than we've made it in the states.

as for the rest of the nhs (like hospital visits, etc), i can only give you second-hand information. my mother in law was diagnosed with breast cancer when she was in her mid twenties (scary, i know). she had a lumpectomy and further treatment (also, take note of the fact that this was 25 years ago, when treatments like this were nowhere near as advanced as they are now-- sorry for essentially giving your age away there, laura) and she has been cancer free since. i also recall once when gavin had to go to the emergency room not long after his first visit to see me in new orleans. he was back here in scotland, scoffed down some undercooked asparagus and got it lodged in his esophageal passage-- causing great pain, discomfort and difficulty drawing a full breath. his parents took him to the hospital and even though the emergency room knew it wasn't something so pressing as a heart attack he was taken directly in and seen to (in fact, he had to stay the night). he was told that he would have to have some operation in which they'd enlarge this passage down to his stomach as his was quite narrow and this would continue to happen (of course, before he could have the operation he came for a brief visit to see me in new orleans which just happened to turn into a wedding and almost 3 years of living in the states). he hasn't gone back for the procedure, but if/when he does it, like the night he spent in the hospital and like his mother's treatment for breast cancer, it will be paid for by the nhs. these are good things. you would never get free cancer treatment in the states (unless some charity took you under its wing) and you would certainly never spend the night in the emergency room thanks to asparagus and not get charged (ok, maybe when we had charity hospital but that's gone now. these options are no longer available-- don't make me mention you again, katrina).

so, all in all i have to say that i DON'T think that the nhs is a perfect system. it has its faults and flaws. i also have to say that i think it's an exceedingly valuable service that helps people and saves lives. the fact that we don't have anything even remotely like it in the states is not to our benefit, but to our detriment. yeah, it's all well and good for glenn beck to say that the nhs sucks. he HAS fabulous health insurance, i'm sure. what about all of the people who can't afford it? oh yeah, i forgot, he doesn't care about them. it's easy to criticize when it's not your ass on the line, when you're not the one who is hesitant to go to the hospital when you know you need to (may i briefly site the brilliant lilo film, 'i know who killed me' here by saying, "hospitals are for rich people") for fear of the exorbitant bill that will come your way. people like o'reiley and beck can throw stones all they want. they don't live in glass houses. they live in fortified mansions. for all of you who are sitting in front of your televisions nodding along with what they are saying take a second and realize that these people are NOT like you. these people are millionaires. these people can afford health insurance, they can afford the best health care in the world. they talk all day long about being just like you but they're NOT. they are part of the financial elite.

so, next time your chest starts to hurt think about whether or not you can afford the thousands it's going to cost you to go to the hospital, think about the fact that you don't have that money to spend, think about the fact that glenn beck does, think about the fact that if you were here you wouldn't be thinking about money-- you'd be on your way to the hospital right now-- and then criticize the nhs.

one can only hope that one day in the us people who live below the poverty line will be able to complain that they had to wait an hour to get their broken arm seen to for free rather than not at all.

All The Witty Banter That's Fit To Print (or, erm... watch)

2009-07-29T20:28:00.004-05:00

i have to say that for as much crap television as there is here in the UK (about the same amount, if not more, depending on your feelings about antiques and auctions, as there is in the States) there are a few shows that i had never seen before that are quite funny.
the best of these (i feel) are the panel shows that deal with things like general information (in the case of 'QI', hosted by the one and only stephen fry) and weekly news (in the case of 'mock the week', hosted by some guy's whose name i forget and who isn't really all that funny). these are now my two favorite of this type of show.
'QI' (again, hosted by stephen fry) is a sort of quiz show that covers a dizzying array of knowledge and information. each episode has a panel of four comedians (alan davies of 'johnathan creek' fame is a permanent panelist and bill bailey of 'black books' fame is a regular participant). mr fry holds court in each episode and asks the panelists questions to which very few people actually know the answer. of course, they're all set up to lead into witty banter flying across the table from comedian to comedian to fry to comedian, and so forth. i would say that only a scant bit of information is actually revealed in each show thanks to the number of jokes and how far they can spiral out of control. points are awarded and deducted on some arbitrary scale that i have yet to work out (other than the fact that it is known that alan davies WILL score the lowest amount of points in each episode as he either knows fuck all or is always willing to sacrifice the correct answers for the sake of the joke (i have yet to work that one out)). the shows can be watched on any number of bittorent things or on iplayer on the bbc website or bits can be seen on youtube, although bits hardly do the show justice. having said that, here is a bit that i thought was funny. i've seen the whole of this episode and i must say that it was a particularly funny one...

now, to 'mock the week'... it's a show that deals with different newsworthy topics that have happened in the week preceding the show. it has two teams of three comedians with that host guy whose name i don't know sitting in the middle. again, the points are awarded pretty arbitrarily but it's quite the same in that the questions lead more to banter than to actually uncovering the facts (although those do come out in the end). there are some regulars on the show, but i only know the name of one of them, frankie boyle, a glaswegian comedian who i think is ridiculously hilarious now that i've seen him on this show. again, the shows can be found in the usual places. here's a taste from youtube...

and just because i know you found him to be hilarious in that clip, here's a little taste of my new man frankie boyle's stand-up...

Ready to lose all faith in the people you thought you could count on?

2009-07-29T18:29:00.002-05:00

from mca being the man to iggy pop officially, totally and completely selling out...

I Was So Right To Love MCA

2009-07-26T19:40:00.003-05:00

i've had a thing for MCA (adam yauch) of the beastie boys since... well, since i've known who the beastie boys are. i always felt that he was super cool and down to earth (and alway thought that he was super sexy). he was my a number one celeb crush when i was about 17-18 years old.
as it happens, adam has been diagnosed with cancer and, as a result, the beastie boys have to postpone the release of their album and some shows that they had scheduled. in this thing i found in which he sits down with ad-rock to tell the fans what's going on he actually apologizes for having cancer and putting people out. i knew that my gut feeling about him was right. nothing but gentlemanly style and grace and humility with this one. get better soon, adam. we'll be thinking about you.
here's the announcement they made for anyone who wants to see it...

just so that you're forewarned...

2009-07-10T04:21:00.002-05:00

so, gavin gave me my birthday present early because we have some things coming up that i wanted to use it for...
it's a camcorder. there's some chip thing that goes in it that i'm waiting for (it should be here today). it's the memory card (this is the only reason that this post doesn't include my weird whatever it is that i decide to video).
so, just so that you know (so that you can either keep an eye on this spot or avoid it at all costs-- depending upon your opinion on this) that soon i am going to start posting actual videoed rants or weird movies that i decide to make with my new toy. i can't wait! it's going to be so much fun and the crack will now be never-ending. ohh, nicole is going viral. watch out!!
kisses to all
x n

over you

2009-07-02T08:09:00.002-05:00

for someone who doesn't even read this blog.

ohhh, so cracky...jeremy kyle

2009-07-01T09:00:00.003-05:00

as you all know, in the states there is an overabundance of those horrible crack shows like jerry springer. it should come as no surprise that a) they show those horrid shows here in the uk (and i think that this is why they often think so little of us-- SOMEBODY elected GW twice-- arguably- and then they see these shows and they're like, 'ahhh, that would explain it!') and b) that they would have some sort of equivalent show here in the uk.

the big jerry springeresque show here is the jeremy kyle show. i HATE springer. for some unfathomable reason i LOVE kyle. it's so bizarre.

i'm here to now defend myself... first of all, jerry encourages these fights and all out brawls. jeremy yells at people if they go to hit each other. jerry just sits back and takes no action or role (other than to provoke a transvestite prostitute into attacking her pimp) whereas jeremy actually talks (sometimes quite abrasively) to his guests. he's often sympathetic to the 'victim' but always has a go at the 'liar', 'cheat', 'deadbeat dad'. really, what he says makes sense. he'll have on two people fighting over the paternity of a child, saying they can't be together and he'll yell at them to both shut up and realize that it's not about them, it's about the kid. i think that's pretty cool. jerry would never do that.

i also totally dig his flip-flop attitude. he brings out the bad person first, the one who probably cheated or lied or what have you, he sits down with them, talking calmly and seeming to be understanding (usually) and then he brings out the other person and starts verbally attacking the bad guy (and you know that it usually turns out that they're both bad guys, so they both get a telling off).

so there, i've said it. there's actually a springeresque show in the world that i kind of like (in a cracky way).

here's a clip that's a bit unusual. it's HILARIOUS as the guy on it is so bizarre it's a bit off the charts. the people on it aren't usually this strange-- they're usually just drunks or junkies or people who sleep with so many people that they have to take lie detector tests or paternity tests.

oh, i also have to mention that he has a therapist on the show (not a dr phil type of wanker but a real one) who will take families and parents, etc backstage when the interview part is over and give them counselling about how to start rebuilding their relationships, get off the drink/drugs or whatever their problems are. i think that's pretty cool, too (and none of that stuff is aired- it's all private- jerry would SO air that shit!! it's crack tv gold! jeremy's too cool for that kind of fuckery!).

watch the clip-- it's worth it to see what the show's like and to see this total freak show of a guy who is on it.

Open Letter to Angelina Jolie...

2009-06-26T10:20:00.004-05:00

Angie (may i call you angie? i've heard that people do...),

ok, so here's the deal. i'm going to come clean. i know i've said some really rough things about you in past posts. i've criticized just about everything that there is to criticize (even things that are, admittedly, totally irrelevant and just mean). call me a bitter bastard, i suppose. i'd like to start things anew with you, if you'll allow that. i'm not going to go back and say that i liked 'the changeling'. i'm sorry, i just can't. but, i understand why you'd want to make the film and who wouldn't want to act with malcovich? i did really like you in 'gia', i've always maintained that. i actually liked, 'hackers', too, in a cracky kind of way. i can even appreciate what you were going for with 'a mighty heart' (although i maintain that, just as constructive criticism, in the scene when you break down, she would have been yelling in her native tongue. when we're in that state we revert to what we know best. you yelled in english. it's a minor point and i'm pretty sure that i am the only person who picked up on that because it was a well acted scene). so, whether i like your movies or not aside, your probably pretty cool and i shouldn't have a go at you because of that. i have denied you credit for things done well because of things that i thought weren't so good but that's simply a matter of personal taste and i shouldn't have criticized you personally for it.

there's another thing that i have to say that i'm sorry for. this one you can thank my friend joseph for... i have, in the past, been a 'team jen' kind of person. i can't help but feel bad for her. i've had my heart broken (haven't we all) and i sympathize with what it must be like to try to get over your ex when you can't escape images of him being happy with someone else. that being said, i've also agreed with woody and his, 'the heart wants what it wants' statement. i think that that is very true. if you note, i did comment on one particular post in which i blamed the whole breakup of that marriage on you that perhaps i was wrong and that brad is now happy where he wasn't before...essentially i had rethought and semi-retracted my statements. so, joseph opened my mind to the fact and thought that it really had nothing to do with you (the breakup, that is). you two fell in love and he made the choice to leave his wife. you didn't force him to, i'm sure he's strong willed and not a malleable piece of clay that you just took and bent to your will. i will give him far more credit than that. i do think that you can bend men to your will, but i think that that's more of a compliment than a criticism. it means that they find you sexy and interesting and alluring... these are good things.

i've also taken a jab at your un work, i know... that one was probably the worst. i said that you spread yourself too thin when it came to that and didn't come out of the areas you visited and spread the word about what you saw there. can i really judge that, though? maybe that's not your intention when you go to these places. perhaps you know that the world knows about the problems in cambodia and africa, etc and that you're there for the people themselves and to shine a brief light on those individuals. i still think that perhaps you should talk more about what you saw when you were there when you get back (although perhaps you do and the media simply chooses to focus more on speculation on the state of your relationship and your womb than what you have to say about poverty-stricken and war-torn countries. i don't know).

anyway, to sum up... i'm sorry for being so harsh on you. makes me feel very tabloidy and maybe (i'm not fessing to this, JUST saying MAYBE, i'm a little but envious of the fact that you're a year older than i am, you have success in your chosen field-- whereas i'm still struggling at best--, you got to kiss gerry butler-- a fact that i will just have to remain green with envy about-- and that you have many opportunities that i wish i had.

PERHAPS my vitriol was far less about you and far more about me. i'm generally not the kind of person who lets jealousy in or who lets it turn into anger but maybe i did this time. for that, i'm sorry).

i will even go so far as to admit that i understand why you wouldn't want to go into whole foods while everyone else was there. i'm sure you've been mobbed a million times and i would probably take measures to ensure that i didn't have to endure that, as well.

that's it really. i hope that we can make up and that you can understand why i've said some of the things i've said and forgive the parts that were just unnecessarily mean. you've never done anything to me, and i don't know what really goes on in your persona

l life. maybe i should let my sympathy for jen and the tabloid press do less thinking for me when it comes to you and think for myself. when it comes down to it i actually kind of think that i would think you were pretty damn cool if we were to meet.

i can't imagine what it must be like to live in the bubble that you live in. i would hate to have people constantly criticizing my every move or spewing negativity in my direction when they really have no idea what it's like to live my life. i feel guilty to have been a part of that. you do put positivity out into the world and that's to be commended, not criticized.

hope you can accept my olive branch...

i'll even go and watch 'salt' with an open mind.

take care,

nic

ps- i am totally jealous of your tats, that i WILL fess up to.

My new obsession...

2009-06-22T01:03:00.007-05:00

ok, so there are so many things that are different here in the UK (but we knew that that was going to be the case, yes?). there are also so many things that are the same, though. the grocery stores are essentially the same (other than the fact that we have no whole foods and that they sell things like, 'bovril', which is like gravy that you drink as far as i can tell-- oh, and don't even get me started on the many flavors of 'crips'... things like 'fish and chips' and 'cajun squirrel'). yes, they do drive on the wrong side of the road AND the wrong side of the car. yes, they're weird and don't have guns (but that's a good thing). but so many things are the same... there's coke AND pepsi and all of the fads and television shows that come from the states make their way over here.so, we come to why i've even brought this up...i have been known, in my time, to buy a magazine or two when the mood strikes and the magazine looks interesting. and while they DO have the same magazines (although, of course, they have some that we don't and vice-versa) they're the british versions. this is not the big news, though. the big news is that magazines here aren't just magazines!! magazines here invariably come with some sort of bonus extra that doesn't cost you any more. all of them have free gifts (and i'm not talking samples of perfume that you have to tear out and then apply to yourself by rubbing paper on your body!). they come with PROPER free stuff... bags, books, toiletry cases, make-up, toys, cds, guitar pics... every type of magazine has its own type of surprise free gift (the lamest is the 2 for 1 deal wherein you get 'hello' and 'cosmo' for the price of one-- but still!!! that's something you would never see in the states!!). every time i walk into a shop i MUST scan the shelves for what's on the go with even the crappiest of mags.

here are some examples that i found on the shelves just this month...

my fave! red (which is an ok mag) with this really cool free 'beauty' bag in it (i got the one that is black with white thistles on it-- it's really cool and i would have paid the 3 pounds just for the bag!)
i don't remember what mag this was but it came with a free (nice) beach bag that says, 'i heart urban outfitters' on it

even the kids get toys. a free dinosaur thingy.

ok, kind of lame... the two in one pack of bazzar and hello

maire clair with a free book (lots of them have free books but i won't post more than this one)
glamour with free...mascara, i think it was

a teen mag with free nail care kit
a teen mag with free lip gloss

Open letter to Mahmoud Ahmadinejad

2009-06-21T15:47:00.003-05:00

Mahmoud (i assume it's ok to call you that?),

we need to talk... what the hell are you doing? you know, it's not as if your country has all that great of a reputation globally, anyway, and now you're just making it worse. we can all see what you've done, what's going on. don't even make me go into the whole thing about the fact that the Ayatollah is backing you and not the people of Iran. we know that you're engaged in wide-spread voter fraud and tampering with the election results. we can all see the differences between the way the results of this election were called as opposed to every other election EVER in your country. why you gotta go and make your country look so much worse than it already does? what is it with you and oppressing your own people? they're dying in the streets because they DON'T want you! is it going to take a full scale revolution and a total collapse of the government for you to see this? i'm afraid that it just might (or maybe i'm happy that it just might). for the sake of maintaining the TYPE of government you want in your country, fess up to what you've done and let the real results of the election be known. otherwise, you're going to end up on the recieving end of a bunch of angry and armed mobs that are going to overthrow your whole way of life. maybe it's time for that though. maybe it's a good thing you're such a blind dick.

yours sincerely,

nic

British to English Dictionary Time!!!

2009-06-12T06:30:00.005-05:00

ok, so i've learned a couple of new things since i've been here (vocab wise) and i thought that some of you might be interested in some of them. just going to prattle off a list. if there are any that you know and can think of that i've left out, please comment me with them!

nae- no

aye- yes

tae- to

wee- little

ken- know

winge- whine

to have your tea- to eat dinner

washing- laundry

crisps- chips

chips- fries

ye- you

tak- take

o- of

frae- from

wi- with

wan- one

aboot- well, obviously about

fags- cigarettes

ma- my

bairn- child

fur- for

hauf- half

gienin- giving

oot- out

huv- have

dug- dog

oot- out

auld- old

whit- what

aw- all

oor- our

sma'- small

e'er- ever

gaun- go on

yersel- yourself

hud- had

awfy- awfully

ah- I

masel- myslef

aff- off

hus- has

goat- got

gie- give

telt- told

wance- once

sae- so

yer- your

wir-were

hunner- hundred

pound note- paper money

tenner- ten pound 'note'

quid- pound

juice- soda (anything that's not water, coffee, tea or actual juice!)

pram- baby carriage

guid- good

sma- small

ok, that's all i can think of off the cuff... i'll add some more later as they come to me!!

Is This Shit Following Me Or Something?

2009-05-23T02:45:00.006-05:00

i know that it's been ages since i last posted and much has happened since then. i left my beloved new orleans (which is actually one reason that i haven't written- i wasn't quite sure what to do with 'from the streets of katrinaville' when i was no longer actually ON those streets. i can't change the web address- that i know of- and from the streets of aberdeen just doesn't sound right). i think that since i've been here for about a month now (and because i can say with all certainty that my heart still remains very much rooted in new orleans) that there's no problem with me posting here as I am from the streets of k-ville and no relocation will change my feelings for my birthplace.

so i'll give a quick run-down just for those of you who are interested and need filling in (although this isn't really what this post is about).

the last weeks in new orleans were pretty hectic. i worked until the 31st of march, we made sure we got our last paychecks, moved out of our apartment, hung out with as many friends as possible, made sure we were packed and had all of our money, etc together and set off around the 9th (i think) to drive from nola to washington, d

c. in the last week or so of being in new orleans i caught some strain of the flu that was so horrid and hard to shake that if you now told me it had been swine flu i would not question you on the diagnosis. gavin got it first and then gave it to me so i was actually more sick towards the end than he was. i didn't even get out of bed for the last three days. i stayed in my brother's apartment and attempted to sleep off my raging fever. anyway, the day came when i knew we had to leave regardless of how i felt and so off we drove. we stopped in atlanta even though we were meant to see lovely liz in greenville. i was too ill and the weather too bad to go any further the first night. we then drove through to my brother's in dc. rather than see lovely meeg or even go see any of the things that i had wanted to (the cherry blossom trees were in bloom) i stayed in and slept in yet another brother's apartment trying to shake the never-ending fever (and somehow i had totally lost my voice along the way). we stayed for t

wo days and then my brother drove us to new york so that we could catch the boat. once more, we didn't get to see lovely suzie as we were only in brooklyn for enough time to unload the car, give scott a hug and go check in to get on the boat. i spent the first 3 days not leaving the cabin. just too sick. he explored plenty while i slept. we ventured out a little in the last two days but i still wasn't feeling very well. we met his parents in southampton, drove up as far as blackpool (which is a whole different post) for the night and then completed our journey the next day, finally arriving in ellon.

now i've been here for almost a month (and no, i haven't seen the loch ness monster- in fact, i haven't even seen loch ness) and have done surprisingly little. the first week was a wash. i had to sleep to fully recuperate, we had to unpack, there were so many loads of clothes to wash that it's kind of unbelievable, etc. then began the task of organising the mundane-- i had to get a bank account (a painful process that took over a week), register

with the national health service, make sure that my address has been changed properly with folks like the irs, etc. i have done some sight-seeing and venturing out but, again, that's for another post.

what i really want to talk about is that fact that it seems like, since i've been here, i've somehow brought with me from the states an infection. shockingly, it's not even the flu that plagued me for so long- it's a political one. just as i was thinking to myself, 'ok, i can leave the states now, obama has it under control, i don't have to worry anymore' i come to a country that i felt had always had a more solid, socialist leaning, competent (ish) political system. the W virus that i brought with me though has spread to whitehall and is cracking that very government at its roots. there's now talk of totally re-hauling parliament as the scandals that are breaking on a daily basis are unearthing corruption and gross mis-use of public funds (and g

eneral fuckery) on a level that can only put down to something like the W virus.

so, here's a basic rundown just so that you know a bit about how it works so that you can know a bit about why it's falling apart...

in the UK there are districts. each district has an elected official that is an MP (a member of parliament). these mps all sit in the house of commons, which is effectively the same thing as congress if the house and senate sat together and yelled and jeered at one another openly and a lot (which is actually really entertaining- watch 'prime minister's questions' on c-span if you haven't or want to see hilarious political posturing and just good old fashioned british comedy). thing is that here in the UK, party affiliation means A LOT more than it does in the states (if you can believe that). mps ALWAYS vote with their party, th

ey DO NOT cross party lines in any vote on any proposed legislation. the country votes as to which party will have the most mps in the house and from that party rises the prime minister (who isn't really directly elected in the way that we elect the president). there isn't so much a set term for the prime minister as there are 'general elections' which either confirm that the country still stands behind the party that is presently in power or demands that another party assume control and then their head buffoon becomes pm. labour had always been the liberal party and the conservatives were, well, the conservatives. thanks largely to tony blaaauuughhhh and his lap-doggery with W the labour government has become more and more conservative and the liberal democratic party has pretty much taken their place and the actual liberal party in the house. nonetheless, labour is still in power (although it se

ems that there will be an inevitable shift from that in the next general election). the prime minister MUST call a general election under a number of different circumstances- but let's not get into that now. let's just say that he doesn't have to right now- mr. gordon brown (who is scottish, by the way) has about another year to sit around and continue to fuck things up until he has to put it to the vote and risk allowing his party to be ousted as the controlling party.

so, here's the BIG problem... in trying to fix the faltering economy (as all governments are trying to do) it has recently come to light that mps are given what are essentially expense accounts. only thing is, they aren't expense accounts because all they really have to do is hand in receipts, etc and they are just given the money they claim. they can claim money to pay for second homes (the logic behind this is that they have to live in the district that they represent but must also be present in london to sit in the house, therefore they have to have two actual residences) and the upkeep thereof. this is just bloody insane as they are all paid

well enough to afford flats in london or in their districts without pulling from the public purse to pay for them. it's also crazy because not one of them uses this nonsense responsibly. they use this second home allowance on crazy extravagant homes with lavish grounds and claim tens of thousands of pounds annually on such fuckery as pond maintenance. even mps that represent districts that are virtually walking distance from the actual house claim second homes, a fact that is controversial and astounding. what makes all of this even better is that none of this was supposed to come to light. it's all covered by official secrets and while the public knew that there were expense accounts, they had no idea how much the mps were spending or what they were spending it on. now it's all been revealed and it comes as no surprise that people are livid. at the same time that all parties are calling for cut backs in spending on

health care and public services, these VERY SAME people are using tax money because their hedges at their second homes are just way too out of control and a landscaper is needed ASAP, lest things really get nuts. at a time when unemployment is out of control (i've only JUST found a job working in a pub and i only got that because i know someone who works there) so more people are forced to rely on government assistance to pay for frivolous things like rent and food mps feel that they are being victimised because last week they said that they were going to have to really cut back on helping people pay for potatoes and thi

s week are being yelled at for using enough tax-payer money to give everyone in the country enough potatoes to last until the end of the century to pay the mortgage on their 2 million pound second home that's an hour's drive from their 4 million pound first ones.

and SERIOUSLY these mps are really on the defensive. not in an, 'i'm so sorry, that was really stupid and irresponsible of me' sort of way but in an 'i didn't do anything wrong! why are you yelling at me? i need that house and couldn't just let the duck pond remain untended, could i?' sort of way. can you imagine how outraged the american public would be if they found out that hillary had used tax money to buy a couple of houses, furnish

them, make sure the grounds remained immaculate, paid staff to clean and cook, paid the utilities and then used even more of it to shuffle herself and her hubby between the houses and washington? the woman would be brought into the town center and stoned to death. here, the mps are being all self-righteous and unapologetic.

so, the public is furious and now everybody's saying that there needs to be a total re-haul of the way the government works. the speaker of the house of commons has already been forced to step down as a result of all of this (a position that that he had held for decades and the first time that that's happened in living memory). they're actually talk

ing about making the system more like the american system, whereby each mp is elected partially because of party affiliation and partially because they are the lesser of all possible evils. they're also talking about making it so that mps actually have individual votes in the house so that each one truly represents his/her constituency rather than just voting with the party. it is not possible at present for an mp to vote across party lines. it just can't happen and they somehow think that this is the only way that anything will ever get done. if that were the case, nothing would EVER get done in washington... oh wait, my bad.

so yea, i get here and within a month corruption and ineptitude become the order of the day in whitehall. awesome.

i can only hope that i also brought with me a little bit of the obama luck and that this means that reforms will shortly be the order of the day. maybe get this place cleaned up a little.

for now, keep your eye out for updates (don't worry, next post will be lovely and light-hearted-- and soon-- i promise). i'll let you know how we're getting on here on the streets of her majesty's kingdom of great britain and northern ireland...

damn, that one REALLY doesn't work.

In Memoriam: Natasha Richardson

2009-03-20T19:07:00.004-05:00

loved her, love her sister, love her mom, love her husband.

i even liked her in 'maid in manhattan'. now that's saying something.
my greatest sympathy and condolences go out to her family and friends (and especially her kids).

Open Letter to New Orleans

2009-03-18T05:47:00.002-05:00

Nola,
i almost don't know what to say to you. we've been together for so long that i really do feel as if you're a part of me. i now know that i'll be leaving you soon. don't worry, i'll come back to visit and you'll always be with me, no matter where i go.
i worry about you so often. every summer i'll be watching and hoping that nothing comes your way to harm you. i'll keep up with my charities, etc from scotland. i'm even keeping this post as 'from the streets of katrinaville' because i feel that, no matter where i am, my heart is here. i'll miss your oak trees and your festivals. i'll miss your food and your music. i'll miss your heart and personality.
take care of my family and friends while i'm gone, please. keep them safe.
stay in touch. i know i will.
love always,
nic

Visa Approval Email

2009-03-16T14:29:00.004-05:00

i got an email saying that my visa's been approved. approved. approved. approved.
i got my approval
approval
approval
that means we'll be on the boat on time
and we don't have to spend more money
and
andand
and
and
i got my approval email... i should get the actual visa in the mail in a couple of days.
APPROVAL!!!!!!!!! :)
thank you visa clearance officer!!
i love you,
nicole

Brad Pitt reminds Washington that New Orleans still exists

2009-03-10T11:40:00.005-05:00

i have to give it to you brad, you're still coming through for us...

while i have to admit that i'm sick of seeing pics of st ang running around in wigs in dc making her new film, 'salt', i have to say that you have opted to use your time hanging in dc with your baby momma for a good cause.
for those of you who don't know, brad is in washington right now (with angie, who's making some movie... i'm sure you've seen the wonked out pics). he has met with nancy pelosi and other dem leaders to try to gain some support from washington for his 'make it right' program here in new orleans. way to bring it to the top, brad! i know that you were going grass roots for a long time and that's fab but we all know that DC has totally forgotten about us (not that they don't have some other pretty weighty issues to deal with now). with the economy as it is, it's getting even harder here than it was before so brad decided to take it to the top and get the government involved (as we can all agree that they haven't really noticed us since sometime around the 28th of august, 2005).
way to go, brad!! push 'make it right', let them know we're here, we still need help and make them do your bidding (well, everyone else does-- why would the senate be any different?). seriously, way to keep on keeping on!
all the best,

nic

ps-- i just read that he's even been granted an audience with obama himself to talk about new orleans. rock it, brad. bush might not care about black people but something tells me that obama does. good luck!

pps-- i read some thing online about an interview in which they asked anniston about brad (did you really expect anything different?) and she apparently said that she was, 'way over him'. ok, jenn. we believe you. suuuuuuure we do. and you didn't look nervous at the oscars while angie was looking up and laughing at you and your stuttering, stumbling speach, either.

Open Letter to the Visa Clearance Officer at the British Consulate in L.A.

2009-03-06T13:04:00.004-06:00

Dear Mr/Ms/Miss/Mrs Visa Clearance Officer,

hey! how are you doing? i was just writing to see how you are and to see what's been up. you know, you first heard from me a little more than a month ago and we've really fallen out of touch since then. i don't think that we're not talking because you're mad at me. i can't really see how you would be. i gave you everything you asked for. you know that gavs and i are a real couple (if the 400 pictures didn't prove it, i don't know what will). you guys said that it would be 3 to 4 weeks tops. we're over that time period now and i'm getting a little (ok, a lot) worried that maybe we've fallen out for some reason. if i did something to upset you, just let me know and i'll fix it. if not, could you please do me a HUGE favor and approve my visa? it would really help me out (and save me from losing my already tenuous grip on reality). thanks, i appreciate it.hope you're well and that you have a good weekend (oh, if you could tell me today-- before the weekend-- that would allow me to really relax A LOT and enjoy my weekend like you wouldn't believe. just in case... i thought i'd mention). anyway, thanks again.
yours,
nicole

Books you must read before you're too senile to remember that you've read them

2009-03-05T11:08:00.013-06:00

ok, i've seen 1001 books that tell me all about the 1001 books that i simply MUST read before i die. i'm not sure who is writing these books that tell me what books to read but it seems a little bit insane. that being said, i'm all for insanity so i'm going to go with MY very own list of 12 (just because i like the number) books you MUST read before you get hit by a bus or come down with some horrible illness and they have to put you in a bubble because your immune system is so weak that even being around outside air might kill you (and we're assuming you can't sterilize books).

i'm not going to make this painfully long- just the book, author and a line or two about why i think it deserves a place on my list (which isn't really in any particular order).

1. Lolita, Vladimir Nabokov. one of the greatest authors of all time, lolita is arguably nabokov's most famous book. it's beautifully written, creepy, sad, funny and everything else you want a book to be. pedophilia as a love story. the villan as a victim. it doesn't get better than this. and if that doesn't convince you then the opening chapter should:

Lolita, light of my life, fire of my loins. My sin, my soul. Lo-lee-ta: the tip of the tongue taking a trip of three steps down the palate to tap, at three, on the teeth. Lo. Lee. Ta.

She was Lo, plain Lo, in the morning, standing four feet ten in one sock. She was Lola in slacks. She was Dolly at school. She was Dolores on the dotted line. But in my arms she was always Lolita.
Did she have a precursor? She did, indeed she did. In point of fact, there might have been no Lolita at all had I not loved, one summer, a certain initial girl-child. In a princedom by the sea. Oh when? About as many years before Lolita was born as my age was that summer. You can always count on a murderer for a fancy prose style.
Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, exhibit number one is what the seraphs, the misinformed, simple, noble-winged seraphs, envied. Look at this tangle of thorns.

2. The Stranger, Albert Camus. apart from being one of the best books written by one of the best authors of all time this book has the honorable distinction of having a Cure song written about it ("Killing An Arab"). one of two books that i consider to truly capture my sense and idea of existentialism in prose form. drenched in camus' ideas about the absurdity of the human condition (and existence) and a universe devoid of consequence or meaning, this book shows me new things each time i read it.

3. The Dark Is Rising (sequence), Susan Cooper. this is a series of 5 books (yes, they're children's fantasy books) that is one of the best i've ever read. the books weave in and out in terms of main characters, place and time, ultimately culminating in a combination of complex story lines that you wouldn't have expected. cooper is so amazing at weaving in heavy references to authurian legend, celtic legend and just good old fashioned good versus evil that i defy even the most cynical of adults to not enjoy these books.

4. his dark materials, philip pullman. (that's right, i've already lost the will to use caps). i'm sure everyone heard about the film, 'the golden compass' that came out and was based on the first in this trilogy of novels. i saw the film and it in no way did this series justice. the books are about (yes, of course) the battle between good and evil but they're also about the purity of love, the infinite nature of the universe (or universes), the human condition, the nature of the human soul, death, the afterlife, innocence and sacrifice. they are action packed, entertaining, touching and i have never known anyone who has read them and not liked them.

5. the curious case of the dog in the night-time, mark haddon. i'm not really sure how to describe what this book is about or why it had such an impact on me. it's a sort of mystery story told from the perspective of an autistic boy... but his autism isn't really the focus of the book (although it clearly plays a major factor). this isn't 'flowers for algrenon'. the book is funny and engaging, not only in the way that it allows you into the boy's mind but in terms of the plot and development of the story itself. mark haddon came out of nowhere with this (his first) book and i think it's honestly one of the best i've ever read.

6. the interpreter of maladies, jhumpa lahiri. perhaps you've seen (or read) lahiri's second work, 'the namesake'. if so then you know that she is capable of telling sublimely beautiful stories that resonate with the reader to the very core. interpreter of maladies is actually a collection of short stories, all of them about what it is to be indian in both india and the states. some of the stories focus of 2nd generation indians who have grown up in the states and the distance they feel from their rich and colorful heritage, some are about life on the streets of bombay. regardless of the setting, the characters are so well developed and the scenes set so perfectly that you can see the dark browns and oranges of the henna and you can smell the masala as you're reading. regardless of your feelings about india, this book will make everyone realize that there is a connection within you to where you came from-- even if you've never physically been there.

7. venus in furs, leopold von sacher-masoch. ahh... leopold. the masochism to the marquis' sadism. i'm not saying that this is the best novel in the world but if you write a book and when people read it they name a sexual deviancy after you, it deserves to be on the list. i do have to say that i actually did enjoy it though. it's part of an epic series but this is the only part of it i read (thanks, lou reed).

8. titus groan/gormenghast, mervyn peake. these are actually the first two books in a trilogy. the final book, titus alone-- well, let's just say that you can skip it. these first two though are sheer genius. the first book, titus groan, tells of the birth of the son of the 76th earl of groan. the whole story is set within the walls (the rocks, the stones) of a place called gormenghast, a series of castles and turrets and buildings and huts that make up a fantastical, gothic earldom. there is seemingly nothing outside of the stones. all that you see is gormenghast. the cast of characters in both titus groan and gormenghast are quite stunning. there is young titus himself (who does not really fugure in all that much until the 2nd novel as he is only 2 at the end of the first), the mysterious steerpike, whose cunning and charm make him quite the adversary, the daughter of the earl, fuchsia who is lost in her own world of fantasty and dreams... i could go on for ages. these books are classics for their amazing descriptive passages and character development alone (but they are so much more). i might add that this is another one of my selections that The Cure has written a song about ('The Drowning Man'). ahhh, robert. how much you have to show us.

9. marabou stork nightmares, irvine welsh. this book is insane. literally. it's told on two levels, one in a first-person, past tense narrative and the other in a weird stream of consiousness present-tense freak out narrative (here it must be mentioned that our narrator is in a coma). the book is fascinating, scarry, an interesting read and...let's be frank...when the man who brought you 'trainspotting' decides he's going to show you what crazy is, you read it.

10. lanark, alasdair gray. how does one even begin to explain lanark? first of all, it took gray 30 years to write. secondly, it's written in four 'books' but they are out of sequence (purposefully, of course). we begin in book 3, where we meet lanark (who isn't even sure that that is his name). he has just awoken on a train. all he has with him is a bag. he has just awoken on a train. he has no idea how he got there or who he is. he arrives in unthank, a post-apocolyptic version of glasgow where the sun never shines and people disappear and turn into demonic creatures. by the end of book 3 we are so enthralled, confused and locked in wide-eyed wonderment that we cannot help but keep reading. once we've passed through the mystifying world of book 3 we enter the world of book 1. book 1 is the story of a young boy named duncan thaw living in pre-war glasgow. the narrative in books one and two (the order is book 3,1,2,4) is straight-forward and not fantastical as it is in books one and four. i'll let you climb into this one before i give anything away. is duncan thaw lanark? is lanark dead? is unthank hell? is glasgow hell? this book is considered to be one of the most brilliant and insightful works concerning the psyche of the scottish peoples in the 20th century (anthony burgess himself said that gray was the best scottish novelist since walter scott)-- not to mention it's just well-written and damn cool.

11. mysteries, knut hampsun. an interesting book about a traveller who enters a small town and begins to befriend all of the locals, including a mysterious dwarf whose story is unclear at best. little is known about the traveller but all who see or meet him are somehow drawn to him. the novel itself is really quite amazing but almost eclipsed by the insanity of the man who wrote it. knut hampson was- not to put too fine a point on it- an absolute fucker. he was a scandinavian writer of nazi propoganda and a virtual hermit. apparently, at one point hitler went to meet with hampsun. upon leaving his company, hitler said that he never wanted to see that crazy bastard again (i'm paraphrasing). his horrible personal life aside, mysteries is actually a very engaging and surprising book that shows that even people that madmen think are mad can create art that is beautiful.

12. pride and prejudice, jane austen. yea, i know. you've seen the movie (or, at least one of the 50,000 versions that have been made). thing is, it's a proper love story. austen really does bring us to rural england, to london, to the pits of hatred and the heights of love. it is moving, the language descriptive and the writing enchanting. this is the one that redeems the romance genre as all of the crappy romance novels that have been written since have tainted it.

oh yeah, and just because i've had a crappy day...we'll end with some much needed eye-pleasure--

Open Letter to Gerard Butler...

2009-03-01T08:17:00.011-06:00

Gerry,
we have to talk. i haven't said too much about you here and i think that the things that i've said have been fairly complementary (at least in terms of your looks) but i have given you a hard time in terms of your ability to act. now, i've seen a couple more of your films and i've learned some things about ones that i'd already seen that cast them in a different light... so i have to say that i'm sorry for saying that we would just put you in front of a camera so that you could look pretty.
the first thing is that i really didn't realize that that was you in, 'dear frankie'. i saw that movie years ago, loved it and just didn't know who you were. i did really like you in it, though and thought that you acted very well. i also recently saw, 'rocknrolla' (or however it's meant to be written) and i thought that you were really good and funny in that, as well (although i really think that guy ritchie just needs to stop. it's the same movie over and over. that being said, if i were offered a part in a woody allen movie i would take it in a heartbeat- even if it was just a rehashing of something he'd done before. BUT woody just did 'vicky christina barcelona' which isn't really anything like his other films and other that 'swept away'-- i'll pause so that you can all breathe to keep yourselves from gagging-- ritchie keeps churning out the same shit). anyway, i understand why you would want to work with him and i thought that the movie was ok but more to the point, you were good in it.
i have also come to the conclusion that although it is a VERY sappy love story, if it were not for the presence of hillary swank in 'P.S. I Love You', that it could have been much better. In fact, i thought that you were good in it. she was rubbish and yet i genuinely believed that you were in love with her. anyone who can pull that off has to be given some sort of props for acting ability. i even like your singing in it. thought it was pretty damn good. we will come to accents in a bit...
last night i saw, 'Butterfly on a Wheel'. ok, so the movie was a bit odd and i called the ending really early in (to a certain extent) but i again thought that you were good. i like the raw emotion that your capable of showing on screen. it's a clive oweny type of thing. it doesn't seem contrived or forced. when you seem angry or frightened (or even in love) i believe you. and isn't that the mark of good acting.? again, we'll come to accents in a bit...
as far as '300' goes, i saw it not really knowing what it was and thought that it was an overly-digitized, historically inaccurate abomination. then i learned that it was a frank miller piece. to my mind that forgives the animated look of the film and even the historical inaccuracies. it's frank miller, it was meant to look like a graphic novel (it was, in fact, a graphic novel brought to the screen- just like 'sin city'). so that's ok. i thought that you were good in it now that i know what it was going for. at first i thought that you were way over the top (which you would have been if it had been a normal film) but it was MEANT to be over the top. so, for making fun of that, i am sorry. i now see that you pulled off what you were aiming for (and now i sort of like it- not enough to see it again- but nonetheless).
i also re-watched bits of 'Mrs. Brown' and although you're only in it for a bit, i have to say that you were good in it. there was no overacting, you fit into the role as you should have. you were believable and it was a good part for you.
on the other hand, i'm scared to watch 'Phantom of the Opera'. i really am not quite sure why you would agree to make this into a film but i don't want to tarnish the image i have of you now so i think i'm going to steer clear of it.
oh, i also saw, 'Nim's Island' and as much as i can't stand jodie foster i thought that it was a cute family film and that you were good in it. it was just an average film in general but i have no complaints about your acting in it, so that's a plus for you.
i'm going to ignore that you did 'tomb raider' because no matter how good or bad you might have been in it i won't be able to focus on what you're doing because i'll be too busy cringing at st. angie's accent...
speaking of accents, we've come to that time. now, in many of your films you roll with your own accent (which is beautiful, i might add). great deep voice, great posh(ish) glaswegian accent... i love it. in others (like, 'ps i love you' and 'butterfly on a wheel') you go for first an irish accent and then an american one. now, british actors are well known for their ability to morph into other accents (especially american ones) but in 'butterfly on a wheel' it actually took me about 20 minutes to figure out if you were doing an american accent or just playing a scottish guy who's lived in the states for so long that his accent is lighter than it once was. but no, you were going for american. you either need an accent coach or you need to just stop taking rolls that require you to put on an accent. your accent in 'ps i love you' sounds like no irish person i've ever met (and i've met quite a few) and i shouldn't have to struggle to try and figure out where you're from in a film. i should just know, 'oh, he's american'. i'm not sure why your directors aren't pointing this flaw out to you, but someone has to. i think that maybe your accent is just too strong perhaps. i'm not sure. all i know is, stick to your real accent. the films that you're in in which you use your real voice are much better and the weirdness doesn't get in the way.
to conclude (for now) i'll just say that i'm sorry that i said that you were just a pretty face (although you are that, too). you've actually done some really good work and i look forward to seeing you progress in the future. just please-- stop making movies with hillary swank and st. angie (oh, and i hear you're doing something with katherine heigel now-- for the love of god!! make sure who's in the movie BEFORE you accept the role!). you can get better leading ladies. seriously.
on a slightly personal note- i read your bio thing on imdb and i have to say that i love you all the more for being a lawyer who quit to become an actor, that you saved that kid's life during 'mrs brown' and that you are apparently really cool to EVERYONE on set, not just the big celebs. props for that. i'm still questioning your taste in women but i can't begin to believe that you've really been with everyone they've linked you with (i mean, travis barker's ex? that ho? come on...) so i'll just live with the knowledge that you're a man-whore (i'm not complaining) with possibly dubious taste (cameron diaz?!? uugghh). still, if you can take the ladies and then walk away (especially a-listers like funky face diaz) more power to you.
all the best,
nicp.s. you really are just smokin' hot (and you sooooo know it).

Hapy Mardi Gras, Kids!

2009-02-24T05:10:00.003-06:00

while i sit in my house and lament the fact that i know nothing about my visa to the uk yet the rest of new orleans is out celebrating mardi gras. i might actually wander up to see rex so that IF i do get approved i can say that i didn't spend my entire last holiday season stressing and pouting.

wherever you are... when you get off of work go and have a few beers and yell at random strangers, 'throw me something'. be ready to duck though as they might throw bottles or other heavy things. also, try taking your top off and see what you get in exchange. unless you're somehow physically accosted i bet it would be better than plastic beads.

HAPPY MARDI GRAS!!!!

The Christians Are Taking Over... wait, didn't they do that already?

2009-02-21T10:16:00.003-06:00

ok, so i was listening to npr on the radio on the way to work this morning (yes, on a saturday ) and they posed the question, 'what was the highest grossing independent film of 2008?'

like you (probably) my mind went straight to 'slumdog millionaire' (which if you haven't seen yet- stop reading this, leave the house immediately and get thee to a theater). apparently though we are wrong. the top grossing indie film of 2008 is a film that you've probably never even heard of (and if you have i have to wonder about you).

it's called, 'fireproof' and it was made by some group that calls themselves something like the independent christian film counsel. i did like that the commentator on npr said that this group of christians was 'drawing to maginot line between themselves and the hollywood and mainstream indie film worlds- don't being to ask me how indie films are mainstream... that's another post- i just like that he actually made reference to the maginot line which clearly isn't referred to enough). it should come as no surprise that teen heart-throb cum crazy christian zealot kirk cameron starred in this film (and if you haven't seen the thing about how the banana proves creationism then you're missing out on some REALLY good stuff-- view it here-- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aLqQttJinjo ).

so i have no idea what this film, 'fireproof' is about (other than that it's clearly about God and Christ...) but what i do know is that it was made for $500,000 (which is pretty impressive- although i haven't even seen a clip so the production value could be super crappy) and that it pulled in... wait for it... $33,000,000.00!!! wtf??!?! when it opened (in sept of 08, i think) it actually opened at 4th!! it beat out spike lee!

it also happens that i found out their secret to success (they're not shy about sharing it). they did sneak previews all over the country for ministers and pastors, etc who then went and told their congregations that they HAD to go see this film. and you know, when God tells you you have to see something you really have no choice. this seems like totally duplicitous marketing to me (it's like tithing, i feel) but it worked.

i think that we should all boycott these films (not like you were all running out to see them anyway) because of the dubious marketing tactics (and because, judging by the promo poster below they might actually make you ill.

MSN's love advice

2009-02-20T03:16:00.005-06:00

so i fell asleep at about 7pm last night (the stress of waiting for my visa is really taking its toll) and ended up waking up at 3am. what better way to waste the 5 hours that i have before i have to leave for work than tooling around on the internet, right (even though that's half of what i do at work so it's almost like i'm already there-- just in pajamas)?
so i came across this little piece that had been written and posted on msn.com entitled, '18 ways to know your man still loves you'. i first wanted to say that if you have to look to msn to figure out if your boyfriend/husband still loves you then he probably doesn't. i read them and i have to say that i don't think that any of them are actually indicators of whether you are loved. the first one was something like, 'if you get into bed in shorts and a t-shirt he still thinks your cute'. who wrote this, tammy faye-baker (whatever her new married name is)? do we have to be dressed to the nines with make-up on for our significant others to find us attractive?

ok... i started this post in the wee early morning hours (as was previously stated...) and then forgot about it. suffice it to say, i found the list to be horrifying. it was so misogynistic and played to what men think women's worst fears are (he won't love me if i'm not plucked and shaved). it was disgusting.
i was going to go back just now and finish it but then i came across another 18 ways article on msn that has not piqued my interest. it's '18 ways to know you're elitist'. ok, so the first two are sort of wash. 1 is 'you don't speak like a normal person' and then he makes reference to sarah palin. i don't know if i speak like a normal person but i don't speak like her so i think i'm safe on that one.
2 was something about GOP leaders being elitist because they think that middle america prefers presidential candidates who sound like dumb-asses (this might be elitist on their part but i think bush proved that this was actually correct).
3- you're on a first name basis with the sushi chef at whole foods. ok, i am but that's because gavin works there. i think that they make rubbish sushi and would much rather go somewhere really good (does this make me even MORE of an elitist?).
4- you go to whole foods. ok, ok... back it up. everyone goes to whole foods. they have good produce and while they might be pricey sometimes people (especially veggies like me) are willing to pay the extra 20 cents to get a good tomato rather than a mealy one. i don't think it's elitist to want to be able to enjoy your fresh fruit and veg or to be able to buy oats in bulk (it's actually cheaper that way). i'm not talking about the $30 bottles of olive oil, either-- that IS pretension. i'm just talking about going in and getting a higher standard of quality. that's not being an elitist... it's being a foodie.
5- "Look at you, Mr. Fancypants, with your snobbish notion that not every piece of furniture in your bedroom must look like it came from the same 1978 Levitz fire sale." i must have missed that reference there as i just don't get it but it seems that he's saying that if you have taste in furnishings and don't want to sleep on ratty mattresses then you're an elitist. if this is the case then i'm happy to be guilty. just as your clothes are a reflection of your personality (meeg, don't even bring up derelicte!) so your furnishings are a reflection of who you are (if you can afford for them to be, at any rate). if you can make your home nice and comfortable and aesthetically pleasing then i don't understand why you wouldn't. this one just seems stupid.
6- here's where he brings up strap-ons. now i'm not shy but i'm not even going to begin to go into it and have NO clue how this relates to elitism.
7- hehe it's 'you know what a strap-on is. in a good way.' ok, fair enough. maybe by those standards i am an elitist (although i still don't get the correlation).
8- he goes off on hope and barack and then says, "Only elitist snobs know what "venerable" means. Or "acumen."'. i guess i'm guilty there, too.
9. i have to quote this one just for meeg and then i'll say no more about it... "When selecting an effective inebriant with which to numb if not completely drown the searing oatmealy dread that rumbles deep in your core after eight years of Bush and which has now been harshly rekindled by the offensive McPalin nightmare, you skip right past the beer and even the wine and go straight for the absinthe."
10- is a laundry list of things you might notice in a 'friend of a friend's home' when you go for a dinner party. apparently if you notice the stemware, art, or books on the walls you're an elitist. isn't that why art is there on the walls? to be noticed?
rather than list the rest and comment i'm just going to quote the ones that i actually think are funny...
14. You prefer spirituality to religion, fluid self-determinism to Biblical dogma, premium sake to sacramental wine, devising new sins instead of merely indulging the old ones, swallowing instead of spitting, back door to front, Shakti to Mary, and floating instead of kneeling.
15. You speak a foreign language. This implies you might understand something of the world, have an interest in a culture other than your own, or have perhaps even traveled to some exotic foreign land that isn't Texas or New Jersey or Hawaii, a place where they like weird cheeses and don't fear gay people and ride bicycles to the opera.
16. You recognize and appreciate more than 50 percent of the references and enjoy at least a quarter of the featured profiles in the New York Times Arts section. Also, you read the New York Times. Also, you read.
this one is pretty good-- 17. You are, for some godforsaken reason, absolutely convinced all the way down to your most profound sense of what is divine and truthful in this strangled world that violence and bloodshed are rarely the answer, that the irrefutable spiritual laws of the universe confirm that like attracts like and even at a quantum level there is a profound pull toward a divine, benevolent dynamic equilibrium, and therefore constructing a malicious national policy of torture and surveillance and pre-emptive aggression merely shames the better nature of the human animal and invites a particularly violent energy into the national bloodstream and poisons the human heart as it creates nothing but more turmoil and unrest and hate in the world. Man, only an elitist jerk would tolerate a ridiculous run-on sentence like that.
and... THE BEST ONE-- 18. Your most treasured pieces of writing don't feature Muggles, Hobbits, glossy centerfolds of Dale Earnhardt Jr., dogs named Marley, or an angry and omnipotent patriarch who demands unquestioning subservience and strict adherence to often cruel, arbitrary laws of behavior from on high, who forsakeths thou for months and years at a time and never writes or calls and then suddenly reappears without warning only to rain down hellfire and frogs and locusts and totally inconvenient plagues on everyone, and never even apologizes. And then you're supposed to feel all guilty? For like, 2,000 years? Whatever.

nice.

45 Things (that Meeg predicted I would fill out)

2009-02-18T07:01:00.002-06:00

1. Do you like blue cheese? i do but i prefer softer, creamier cheeses

2. Have you ever smoked heroin? i plead the 5th

3. Do you own a gun? nope and never will

4. What flavor do you add to your drink at Starbucks? no starbucks for me, that might change when i live in a city that doesn't have so many indie coffee shops.

5. Do you get nervous before doctor appointments? only if i'm there because i think something's wrong. if it's just a check-up, no.

6. What do you think of hot dogs? they are meat so i don't eat them

7. Favorite Christmas movie? we were just talking about this the other day and now i totally can't remember... it was something really obscure... crap! i totally forget. i'll get back to you on this one.

8. What do you prefer to drink in the morning? coffee, always coffee

9. Can you do push ups? yes. how many is a different question...

10. What's your favorite piece of jewelry? i'd like to say that it's my wedding ring but it's probably the ring (that no longer fits me) that my mother gave me when i was about 11.

11. Favorite hobby? maybe writing (but i hope that that won't be a 'hobby' for long). maybe reading, taking photos... it's a mood thing, how can i have a fave?

12. Do you have A.D.D? nope. i know people who do and i certainly don't

13. What's one trait you hate about yourself? i'm going with meeg on this one and saying laziness.

14. Middle name? caroyln

15. Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment? i wonder when i'll hear about my visa, i can't believe i still have over an hour before i even START work, i hope this mardi gras is more fun than painful (ugh, the traffic!)

16. Name 3 things you bought yesterday? smokes, vegetarian grape leaves and a lebanese tea

17. Name 3 things you drink daily: coffee, water, tea (usually iced)

18. Current worry? moving and all that it entails (visa, money, getting there, visa, missing friends, who will visit, visa, will i miss new orleans terribly, visa...)

19. Current Dislike? uk visa services (for taking their dear sweet time!)

20. How did you bring in the New Year? gavin and i stayed in, made a nice dinner, cuddled up together and then passed out before 2 (we were both pretty ill)

21. Where would you like to go? the list is endless...

22. Name three people who will complete this. ok meeg, you got me. i did it. i don't think anyone else will. maybe kristen if she sees it.

23. Do you own slippers? yup, wear them all of the time.

24. What shirt are you wearing? white, torn up men's undershirt (still in my pj's).

25. [Missing apparently]

26. Favorite color? mood thing- usually grey though- or a light blue

27. Could you be a pirate? hmmm, i like the boats and the travel. not too fond of the not showering and the guns. scurvy and i don't really get along, either.

28. What songs do you sing in the shower? don't really sing in the shower unless i can hear music from the other room and then it's whatever's on

29. Favorite food? no faves, like all sorts... japanese, vietnamese, thai, italian, sometimes just plain ol' fresh fruit is just what the doctor ordered.

30. What's in your pocket right now? no pockets in my pjs.

31. Last thing that made you laugh? a text meeg sent me last night (ok, it was a chuckle- not a full on laugh but it counts)

32. Favorite sheets? the ones i lost in the storm

33. Worst injury you have ever had? probably the time i got a flat and the guy didn't put the jack on the car correctly. he walked away and i tried to put the tire on and the car fell, i was really badly bruised and cut from shoulder to elbow and it smashed my hand. was pretty bad, had to have x-rays (was just a mild fracture) and a tetanus shot and the bruising didn't go away for weeks. wish i had taken pics. it was grizzly.

34. Do you love where you live? very much, despite the hardships that come with it sometimes.

35. How many TVs do you have in your house? two (but one's really small and only gets turned on occasionally)

36. Who is your loudest friend? ohh, i don't know. lori can be pretty loud sometimes. i think everyone has their moments.

37. How many dogs do you have? None.

38. Does someone have a crush on you? for some reason i get asked out a lot at work. it's weird.

39. What are your favorite book(s): oh well, that's just impossible to answer. there are too many good ones! the 'dark is rising' sequence, 'his dark materials', 'lolita', 'invitation to a beheading', 'little, big' (that one's for you, meeg), the nesbit books, 'notes from the underground', 'the plague', 'the stranger', 'nausea'...really, this could go on forever.

40. What is your favorite candy? no idea. totally a mood thing.

41. Favorite Sports Water: i do like some of the vitamin waters. does that count? i don't drink them often but they're ok.

42. What songs do you want sung at your funeral? i am TOTALLY not jinxing myself by answering this... will also never answer the question, 'how do you want to be remembered?'. oh yeah, those are like the kiss of death.

43. What were you doing 12 AM last night? tossing and turning, trying to get to sleep.

44. What was the first thing you thought of when you woke this morning? damn, it's early and there's no way i'm getting back to sleep. ah well, i guess i'll just hop on the computer. i wonder if i'll hear about my visa today...

45. Favorite place to be? with friends and family (as long as everyone is having fun).

The Inside Scoop: Brangelina actually shop for themselves and they don't care if lowly supermarket workers have to come in early or stay late.

2009-02-17T10:27:00.012-06:00

so i heard through the grapevine that at some point last week (so the story goes- and i got this from a good source) that in the wee hours of the morning whole foods market on magazine got a call from either st. angie herself or from one of the members of her army of assistants (i'm sure it was an assistant) saying that st. angie wanted to come in to get some schwag from whole foods but that (of course) she couldn't be arsed with dealing with the masses who would (naturally) follow her around and try to touch her so that whatever disease they might have would be instantly cured. ok, maybe her assistant didn't say that but it was said that st. angie COULD NOT mingle with the masses and demanded that whole foods open early for st. angie and ONLY st. angie. whole foods (for whatever reason) obliged and opened early. st. angie came in alone (gasp) and did her shopping and then left. (meeg said that he thinks she just couldn't be arsed waiting in line)

too sexy to mingle

it gets better...

later that day the very same whole foods got a call from sir brad saying that HE wanted some schwag from whole foods but that HE could not be arsed with the masses so could they stay open late so that he could walk around the store unmolested. yet again whole foods obliged and made their poor staff stay at work for an extra hour so that sir brad could wander around and buy the things that (inexplicably) his baby momma did not get for him while she was there earlier that same day.

too cool to mingle

what makes all this amusing (while not surprising) is that a-listers go into whole foods alllll the time. sean penn (love him or hate him) went in on a sunday no less (a crazy busy day) and no one bugged him in the least bit. drew brees (while not an international a-lister, is certainly HUGELY famous in new orleans) goes to whole foods on a weekly basis and even sits in the breezeway at the tables and eats lunch, sometimes staying for over an hour and nobody bothers him at all. some notable others that don't require such special treatment are- forrest whitaker, john c. reiley (who hilariously was in there, drunk, at 10am and knocked over an entire display of wine bottles, breaking them all over the floor), selma hayek, harry shearer (mr. burns), laurence fishburn, brittney murphy (although who would really go talk to her?), john goodman is in ALL of the time, james carvill goes in multiple times a week, minnie driver, lenny kravitz (who is apparently really picky about his water), harry connick jr (again, maybe not so internationally huge-- but locally ENORMOUS), the manning brothers (eli and peyton), and a bunch of saints players (like deuce and bush).

really what i'm getting at is why can brad and angie not shop with us, why don't they care if people with children have to work an hour later because they can't shop with the rest of us, why they both had to personally go in on the same day, making some people who were pulling doubles come in early AND stay late and why can they not only shop with us but why is it that the likes of sean penn and forrest whitaker can?

Thou shalt not question Stephen Fry

2009-02-12T09:36:00.004-06:00

Oh Academy... way to prove me right

2009-01-24T14:23:00.014-06:00

in response to meeg's comment on my last post i have to say that it's a crime that cate blanchett and tilda swindon (meeg, didn't we discuss that somehow they're like 2 sides of the same coin and that it's a weird superman/clark kent thing with them?) are in the

horror film, 'the curious case of... oh, sorry, even the title makes me fall asleep'. they're both so good in so many other things (although i do feel like tilda has a slightly greater propensity to be in questionable things-- 'michael clayton' springs to mind).

also, i'd like to bring up the fact that my boss told me today that he really liked benjamin button and when i said that it was like 'forrest gump' only slower, longer and more painful he responded with, "that's why it was great! it was like 'forrest gump' meets 'titanic'". i don't think that i needto say anything else there. if you feel like you'd enjoy the celluloid bastard love-child of 'titanic' and 'forrest gump' then 'the curious case of benjamin button' is for you. if the thought of that makes you want to stab your eyes out with the needles used for any one of saint angie's tats then don't see it.

i also feel vindicated that i wrote this (and said, 'shame on you, academy!!') the day BEFORE the noms came out and then 'curious case' was nominated for everything from 'best douche in a leading role' to 'douchiest screenplay'. i just KNEW that they would end up rewarding this fuckery. oh, and for nominating angiblahina for best actress, too. if she wins i think it's one of the

signs of the coming of the apocalypse.

i do have to say that the only thing that really saves the academy this year is the fact that they have actually recognized the greatness of 'slumdog millionaire' and its director danny boyle (whose body of work is just plain amazing).

Academy and Hollywood Foreign Press, you are both dead to me now.

2009-01-21T10:24:00.008-06:00

ok, so i had a conversation before the golden globes with meeg in which i stated that if angelia joile won best actress for 'the changeling' that i would write a blog post entitled, 'hollywood foreign press, you are dead to me'. alas, she did not win. anne 'my ex-fiance's a felon and somehow i had no idea' hathaway did. i haven't seen 'rachel at the wedding' or whatever film it is that she won for but i have no doubt in my mind that it was better than 'the changeling' (not like i like little ms. anne. i actually DON'T like her- but i dislike angelia far more so all's well).

anyway, i'm off on a tangent here. i didn't write the post because, as i previously stated, angelina didn't win. and then just the other night i saw 'the curious case of benjamin button'. now, if you read this at all regularly then you know that i have a very odd relationship with brad pitt. i love him, i hate him, i'm indifferent towards him, i think he's an ass for leaving jen, i think he's just a man who fell in love, i think he's definitely not as attractive as people give him credit for and yet i will give him that his body rocks. what does not rock IN ANY WAY, SHAPE OR FORM is 'the curious case of benjamin button'. for the love of God, who greenlit this project? it was sort of like the thinking man's 'forrest gump' only it lasted for 732 years and it was less entertaining. it was chock-a-block full of one-liney life lessons, statements that you're meant to carry out of the theatre and hold to your breast as life changing affirmations about the beauty of the world and love and... pardon me, i'm about to be sick into my own scorn (thank you, bernard).

so i come to the reason why the academy and the hollywood foreign press are dead to me. angie and brad might not have won but they were both nominated. angie was nominated with the likes of (i love her) meryl streep ffs!! this implies to all that have not seen 'the changeling' that it was somehow good (and it was in NO way good). 'the changeling' wasn't even about what the trailers implied it was about and angie's performance was over the top (to say the least). she looks so terribly gaunt and skinny that it's disgusting and she's so caked in makeup (more than is necessary even given that it's a period piece and that the women of the time wore a lot of makeup) that it just ruins it more that i thought possible. then we have brad's little pet project that was nominated for just about everything (including best picture). given that it came out on christmas day and that most people haven't seen it yet, this implies to those who haven't that it might be worth seeing. these award shows and the people who do the nominations are playing right into brad and angie's hands. now people are going to waste their time seeing 'the curious case of why anyone thought it was a good idea to make this film'. as my friend kyle said as soon as the film was over, 'well, that's 3 hours of my life i'm never getting back'. and i saw it with allyson, gavin and kyle. between the 4 of us our tastes are pretty varied and cover just about every genre of film. had it been in any way good at least one of us would have stood up for it. there was not a voice in its favor amongst us. i'm even a big fan of movies (good or bad) that show a decent amount of new orleans scenery (take 'double jeopardy' for example. crappy ashley judd movie and yet i'll watch it to look at how badly they mess up the actual layout of new orleans. oh, don't even get me started about how in that movie 'deja vu' with denzel that there was actually a street IN the french quarter called 'king oak street' AND that there's a ferry explosion which kills like 700 people. have you ever been on the algiers ferry? MAYBE you could fit 100 people on there at a push... MAYBE. but i'll watch these films and enjoy the inaccuracies and it makes them worthwhile somehow). 'benjamin button' had none of this... it didn't even really show new orleans in any way that any of us know it (even remotely). it's all centered around this one house and then there are a few shots of the river that could frankly have been shot on any large river in the world. i suppose that the scenes in which he's riding his motorcycle to the lake are pretty clearly somewhere in new orleans although it could have been florida (if i didn't know better). so the movie was bad and it didn't even have the new orleans scenery that saves (to my mind) bad movies.

this whole thing with the hollywood foreign press and the academy saying that these movies (and performances) are worthy of standing side by side with meryl and 'slumdog millionaire' and all of these great movies and actors is just a farce. i have let myself believe, until now, that there was SOME rhyme or reason to their selections. now i see more than ever that it's the popularity contest that everyone has always told me it was. i see the light and because of this (because you said that angelina was even almost as good as meryl) i must say to you, hollywood foreign press and academy, you are dead to me.

ps. this totally doesn't mean that i won't still be watching to make sure that you commit no further atrocities.

Musings on love and leaving...

2009-01-20T13:36:00.004-06:00

how can one be certain of love? love that is received, not given. it is not a question of what is in one's own heart and mind, that is for another day. it is a question of how one knows the hearts and minds of those around them. the love that you are given can seem like a fleeting thing-- when you question if their words are real, wonder why the phone rings with no answer, when you feel loneliness creeping up behind you...
it can all be abandoned and a new start can be made. but then how, if you love, can you not care if that love is returned? for what is love without its reciprocation? it is a hollow feeling, a state of unrequitedness that makes melancholy take up residence in your heart and soul.
i sit and wonder if they or she or he still love me, if they will love me when i am far away, if they will love me in 20 years. will we still be friends then? will we still be lovers? will all of those who i hold dear turn from me? will they be lost to me and i to them?
i dread the day when i know that all is lost. i feel it coming on, i feel it rushing towards me like the water from a levee breach. will i drown in the love that i still hold but that is no longer returned? will the heart of my heart break when i look around to see no one around?
my soul cries out, "of course it will! you can feel it coming, you know it will, it is the reason that these questions come to mind. you ask because you know the reality that the future holds. it is the fear of this reality that creates these questions. you think that if you ask that it will not happen. you cannot stop the future. your future cannot be avoided with mere musings."
i look out into the grey snowy monet of my future and i see the little house covered in snow. only the remembrances of love past make the fire burn to keep me warm enough to stave off freezing. in my chair i close my eyes, the love lights flicker as they sputter to nothing but a smoking ember and then so do i.

Oh Tim, What Am I Going to Do WIth You? CC: johnnydepp@piratesareprofit.com, helenabonhamcarter@ilookliketheguyifuck.com

2009-01-08T20:52:00.008-06:00

Tim (Mr. Burton?),

we have a problem. it's not that i don't want to like you (i really, really do-- you look like robert smith, after all). it's just that, well, you think you're infallible now (and let me be the first to tell you that you're not). i can't even think of the last good movie you made. 'big fish' springs to mind but i really want to believe that you've made something worthwhile since then. you know, i just looked it up and you haven't. that's really sad. your last good movie was made in 2003. what the hell is going on? firstly, you need to stop working with your baby mama and johnny depp (man crush or no man crush, let him go, man!!). i'll give you that johnny was good in 'edward scissorhands' and 'ed wood' but there's just no excuse for 'sleepy hollow', 'charlie and the chocolate factory', 'the corpse bride' and 'sweeney todd'. and why would you put helena bonham carter into these movies? you turned her from the merchant-ivory beauty turned 'fight club' hotness into a wreck of a woman who looks more like you with every passing day (although she still looks way better than you). get it into your head, you ARE NOT robert smith. put down the hairspray and back away slowly. i'll give you your batman movies (even though the second one was dubious at best) but then you went and ruined it totally with 'mars attacks'. it's almost as if you can't make two good films in a row (or that for every one you make that's good you have to make two that suck. let's not even talk about 'planet of the apes' (which not even 'the nightmare before christmas can redeem). stop using the same actors! don't make musicals! go back to what you know. we liked the dark and brooding tim burton (but not the 'sleepy hollow' type of dark-- that just sucked). maybe even try heading away from that and make more stuff like 'big fish'. it was so good and such a departure from what you usually do. i think that your 'beetlejuice' days are behind you. find a new niche. really. we're sick of it and you're just ruining your reputation. i don't even want to know what you're going to do with 'alice in wonderland' (and as meeg said, 'i'll give you 1 guess as to what two actors are in it'). you make serious films, you're not simon pegg. stop casting the same wonky actors so that they can reprise their rubbishy roles over and over again. please, i once liked you and i think i could again. just turn a corner, see the light, use some different actors... something!! we want the old tim back! the one who entertained us, not the one who makes us groan when we hear he has a new movie coming out. think on it for a while and get back to me. it's not too late for you!! save yourself.

now johnny- you're fab. really, love your work. you've made some great stuff with tim but it's time to break away. he's killing you. 'sweeny todd' was terrible. you can do better than that and you know it. i don't know what's happened to you but you need to shape up. i know that you're best mates or whatever and it must be a blast working with him but if you want to retain a shred of your artistic integrity you MUST break away. go find an indie film by an unknown director and shine in the way we know you can.

helena- ugh, what can i even say to you. 'a room with a view', 'fight club', so many films that you were so wonderful in and then you shack up with tim and now you let him put you in any old thing. it's just not right. you're amazing. look in the mirror. i know you look like him but try and see the old helena. just because he's your baby daddy doesn't mean you have to be in his shitty films. shape up, woman! your career is headed in the same direction johnny's is... nowhere. you'll be lost in the quagmire that is tim burton and you'll never escape. go do a period piece. go do something edgy and cool like 'fight club'. hell, go do anything with a different co-star and director and i promise that you will find yourself again. if not for your sake then do it for ours. we hate to see this happen to you.
so please, all of you, go your own ways. find new and DIFFERENT projects. find different styles. you've hit the wall. it's time to move on and apart. i beg of you.

all my love,
nic

Open Letter to Brad Pitt...

2008-12-30T09:28:00.007-06:00

Mr. Pitt (or should i call you Brad?),

there are a few things that i feel we need to talk about. i was reflecting this morning on things i have said concerning you in past posts (and conversations, etc) and i think that i might have been being a bit unfair. that's right, i admitted it. i can't say that i am one of your biggest fans, not by any stretch of the imagination. sure, you're a handsome fellow but i can't even say that i think you're swoon-worthy (hopefully, this isn't something you take offense to- you have plenty of women swooning over you, you certainly don't need to count me among them. i just go for a different type, that's all- see my post on the scots). anyway, i digress. point of fact- you aren't an idiot and i really don't think that i can see you being the mailable type. i made a case that you were wooed into your current relationship through coercion. i don't believe that to be true anymore. i think that you are being truthful when you say that you fell in love.

i have to admit that i'm not a big fan of the jumping ship on your wife thing but i can't say that i don't understand that if you realize that you're not in love with said wife that it's not best for both of you to move on. you must understand that it seems as if your ex is doing a bit of flailing about. it seems as if she's still in love with you and that provoked a feeling of pity in me. one so profound, in fact, that i held you (or more to the point, your current partner) responsible for the pain and suffering of your cuckolded ex-wife.

now, i don't know if that article in which angelina admitted to actually having an affair with you while you were married is true or not. if it is, that's something that i think we both know is wrong. i think that you've been not just a little selfish in the way you handled things vis a vis jen. that whole spread you did in W magazine with angie and your pretend family (not the recent one, the one you did right at the very second of your divorce) was really lacking in tact. i'm sure it was fun and maybe you just weren't thinking but i can't see you as the type of person who would be malicious enough to hurt someone on purpose-- you kind of did though, jen even admitted that that really hurt her. that's not cool. you could have waited to release those for her sake. ultimately though, your relationships with jen and angie (whatever they may be or have been and however i may feel about the two women irrespective of you) are your business. who's to say that jen's not actually just horrid and that she totally deserved the W pic spread (although i don't actually believe that)?

ok i'm wandering all over the place now and i'm sure you're wondering what point i'm trying to make. here we go-- even though i have mixed feelings about your main squeeze, maybe she is the love of your life and it doesn't really matter if i like her. if i want to not like her that should be independent of my feelings for you. my feelings for you are on the lukewarm to positive side (much more leaning toward positive because of

'make it right' and your love for my hometown, naturally [SIDEBAR- everyone who hasn't checked out what brad's been up to down here really, really needs to because it's one of the best things we have happening here. it's still about recovery, it's still active and he's not going away like so many others have. scope it, it's actually really awesome-- http://www.makeitrightnola.org/ ]).

i have to say that i actually DO want to see, 'the curious case of benjamin button'. and not because i think it's going to be so bad that i just have to witness it myself but because i think it might actually be good. and, you've always known that i liked, 'fight club'. there are a few films scattered throughout your career that i appreciate and think are really quite good (i think the ocean's movies are totally self-indulgent but that's a bone i have to pick more with your friend george than with you). there are some that i think are pretty crappy (we both know i'm talking about 'the mexican' again. what were you thinking?). anyway, point is that i'm sorry that i went off saying that you were manipulated. i don't think that you're the type of guy who would be. i'm not saying that i think you behaved in the nicest possible way but i'm still going to accept that if you say you're happy and in love then you are and we'll leave it at that. i like mia farrow but i didn't freak on woody when all of that went down. why should i freak on you (not that i'm saying you're a woody-- let's not get ahead of ourselves) for doing something that was actually a lot less... let's say creepy?

so, let's bury the hatchet. i won't say that your woman conned you or anything like that anymore and just let you have your happy little home life. don't think that this means that i'm going to be all lovey with her though. i still think that there's something super weird about her but again, the heart wants what it wants and i'll leave you alone on that one from now on.
well, i'm glad that that's over anyway. now we can just go have a drink and a smoke and talk about wtf is up with jen and john. oh, too soon? right. sorry.

much love to you and your new crazy mustache,
nic

How do you solve a problem like Mugabe? (and why won't anyone listen to me when i say that we need to pay attention to what's happening in zimbabwe?)

2008-12-22T11:07:00.006-06:00

for years now people have been drawing attention to all of the horrible atrocities that go on in foreign lands (and here at home, for that matter). there are always outcries that we should be doing something about the sudan and north korea and iraq (i'm thinking back to before we bungled that one). this whole time i have been shouting (into an empty void, it would seem to me) that something needs to be done about Zimbabwe. i know that some of you know all about it and that some of you don't. part of the trouble is that the international media is barred from entering the country or reporting from within it so the extent of the atrocities and poverty is not quite known but stories do leak out and reporters sometimes (at very great peril to themselves) do sneak in.

here's the situation--

zimbabwe is a landlocked african nation. it's bordered on the south by south africa, just to give you an idea of its general location.

zimbabwe is currently ruled by the tyrant dictator- President Robert Mugabe. he is the one that expelled all foreign journalists. he has been accused repeatedly of gross human rights violations by organizations such as amnesty international. he has been known to harass and intimidate anyone that opposes him. there is a general fear amongst the people of zimbabwe when it comes to speaking out against him because so many of those who do disappear- never to be seen or heard from again. an election was held in march of 2008 in which mugabe ran against the leader of the opposition (whose name i don't know). the opposition leader clearly won but mugabe refused to step down as president and decided that he was going to disregard election results. it was at this point that the UN said that they would no longer recognize the government of zimbabwe as it was no longer a representation of the will of the people. mugabe couldn't care less.

he has created a situation within zimbabwe that (mark my words) will lead to an implosion of epic proportions. the people are starving and frightened to speak out against him. he kills people at random and is known for his amin-esque paranoia. he printed so many zimbabwean dollars and distributed them that he created hyperinflation. the zimbabwean dollar is now literally worthless. the people of zimbabwe (when the can get their hands on it) use US dollars as currency.

the people are so hungry and lack food to such a degree that a relatively new thing is happening. people are going out and finding strips of dirt by roadsides and in abandoned fields and planting seeds and attempting to grow and harvest what they can.

i could go on forever about what we think we know about mugabe and the horrible things he is doing. instead, i am going to go through a number of bullet points so that you can make your mind up about how far this situation has gone and how long it's going to be before the country implodes completely.

- mugabe has expelled all foreign journalists. in doing so he has taken control of all media within zimbabwe.

- mugabe is an undeniable racist. he appropriated all of the land owned by minority white farmers and kept it in the name of the government. there was an amendment brought up for a vote in the parliament calling for the reappropriation of white owned land. when it failed to win the vote mugabe's men began invading white-owned farms. those who did not leave voluntarily were often tortured and sometimes killed. one was forced to drink diesel fuel as a form of torture. in April 2000 parliament pushed through an amendment, taken word for word from the draft constitution that was rejected by voters, allowing the seizure of white-owned farmlands without due reimbursement or payment. when his actions against whites in zimbabwe were compared to those of hitler (which i think is a bit extreme but what's done is done) his response as to his actions was as follows: "This Hitler had only one objective: justice for his people, sovereignty for his people, recognition of the independence of his people and their rights over their resources...If that is Hitler, then let me be a Hitler tenfold.". remember that this is coming from the man who refused to recognize the election results when his people voted him out, the man who takes farms and land away from his people (both white and black) at random and holds them in his own name and refuses to allow his people to travel outside of zimbabwe. this does not sound like 'justice, sovereignty, independence and rights over resources' to me.

-mugabe has waged a violent campaign against homosexuality. homosexual acts are actually illegal in zimbabwe and his policy is to track and prosecute anyone suspected of being homosexual.

-mugabe over-printed the zimbabwean dollar creating hyperinflation and making it useless. his people now rely on US dollars to survive. if they cannot get US dollars then they are forced to live whatever kind of agrarian life they can. if they don't own land they farm the roadside. they are starving to death and he has refused aid from any other country or any international organization.

-his country is in economic free fall and yet he refuses aid of any sort.

-opposition leaders or people who speak out against him regularly disappear and are never heard from again. the fear of mugabe amongst his own people is so strong that they will not even mention his name when asked about what things are like in zimbabwe today.

i could go on but i think that that's enough to digest for the time being. more importantly, for me to truly tell you about all of the horrible things happening in zimbabwe i would have to write a blog post that would go on for pages. i would like all of you to go out and read and educate yourselves more fully about what's happening there. the more people who know and care the more our governments will be forced to listen when we stand up and say that something needs to be done about mugabe. in iraq we were met with opposition and a war that has gone on for more years than i care to think about. why are we not trying to stop mugabe in the way we did saddam? we would not be met with opposition but with thanks and cheers.

The Home Wrecker Chronicles

2008-12-18T04:13:00.016-06:00

ahhh, i love the good celeb gossip story but none tops the list like a good tale of cheating husbands (because, let's face it, it's usually the blokes who are doing the leaving), scorned women (who are usually preggers) and younger, carnivorous home wrecking starlets.

there are so many of these stories to address and discuss but i think for sanity's sake we'll stick to just 4.

firstly, i would like to discuss the whole bridget moynahan/tom brady/gisele bundchen thing. i wanted to blog about this one first for a couple of reasons. 1) it's a little unclear as to whether moynahan and brady broke up while she was preggers but before he hooked up with bundchen (although general consensus seems to be that bundchen totally knew that he was with his baby-mama and went after him anyway) 2) this is the one that i really care the least about. i will give bundchen that she's uber-hot, so hot that i would sleep with her (but so is moynahan, for that matter) but really, she's just a model-- and not even a very interesting one at that. she was with boooooring leo dicaprio for ages and ages (who i only care a tiny bit about because of his efforts with all things eco-friendly. other than that, he's a crappy actor who thinks he's the bomb. blech). moynahan was in something that i think i liked once upon a time but i can't even remember what it was (way to make an impression, bridget). and brady's a football player (a hot one, granted, but if you don't play for the saints, aren't a manning or aren't getting it on with kim kardasssssian then i really don't care).

so the story is as follows (from what we know)-- bridget and tom were together for a good while (i think it was around 2 years, could be wrong about that), never married but then she was suddenly with child. she ran around exclaiming that she was so excited about the baby, blah blah but he remained pretty mum on the whole thing (obviously not so pleased about the situation). next thing we know, bridget is heavily preggers and on her own and gisele and tom are out and about everywhere.

the players:

bridget- she seems to be the coolest one in all of this. there was no complaining on her part. she didn't make a big show of being dumped and just went on her merry way saying, 'if i have to be a single mom, so be it'. final grade- most certainly an a+ for her behavior here.

tom- wanker. any man who leaves his preggers wife or gf is just a wanker. no way around it. since we're not sure that this is what happened if there's anyone who can jump in in his defense, go right ahead. otherwise, he's a miserable louse who left his girlfriend of 2 years when she was getting ready to drop his kid for a younger (and arguably hotter) woman. ON THE UP SIDE- it appears that since the baby has been born he's been a good dad. he gets points for this and for not being a total and complete douche. he's still a wanker though. final grade- D+ (would have failed, but the good dad bit lets him scrape by with a passing grade).

gisele- by all accounts she went to his locker room while he was still with bridget and totally seduced him. i've heard that she locked her beady little eyes on him after her bust-up with leo and said, 'he will be mine'. she didn't care that he was with his baby-mama and just went for it full-throttle. it's not even as if they met on some photo shoot and fell in love (stay tuned for that scenario). she PLANNED to go after him. nothing worse than the woman who wrecks a home on purpose. final grade-F. no questions asked.

NEXT on the list we have the weird (and brief) saga of robert rodriguez and rose mcgowan. we all know him as the director of 'sin city' and other such films and we know her because, well, we saw her ass in that dress when she was bonking marilyn manson (shudder).

the story is as follows-- she was single and starring in that non-entity of a film, 'grindhouse' and he was with his wife of 16 years (who was also his co-producer and mother of his 5 kids). rose and robert 'fell in love' on the set and began having an affair. it came out, mrs. rodriguez (sorry, don't know her name) was ripped apart by the news and filed for divorce. by all accounts, rose and robert continued their affair and might possibly still be out there somewhere fornicating (and by the laws of- you're not just sleeping with that person but with every person they've slept with- that means he's actually doing it with marilyn manson, which just adds another level of creepiness to the whole thing).

the players:

mrs. rodriguez- ugh, poor woman. she stands by this man for 16 years. gives him 5 kids, puts her time and money into his films (for which she gets about zero credit) and is blindsided by this whole thing. reports say that she was (and is) totally devastated. she hasn't come out bad-mouthing him or anything but is just trying to recover and protect her kids from creepy rose and their adulterous father. final grade- A+ for not going to the press and for divorcing that lying bastard straight away so that she could focus on the kids that he callously tossed aside.

robert- always discussed how much his wife meant to him, that he couldn't have done any of his films without her, lived this quiet little life with his 5 billion kids and said that he loved it. clearly it was all crap. as soon as rose (who so isn't that hot anyway) rolls up he jumps into bed with her without a second thought for his loyal and seemingly wonderfully supportive wife. he hasn't said much to the press other than that he 'fell in love' with rose and that he couldn't help it. whatever robert, maybe woody can get away with that 'the heart wants what it wants' shit but you're soooo not the artist he is so pack it in. you're a fuck-wad. final grade- F for abandoning his wife and kids for a skank (would still be an F if she wasn't a skank. just needed to be mentioned that she is).

rose- i don't know what to do about this one. it's not as if she targeted him or anything but she knew that he had a big happy family and went and jumped into his bed anyway. i would say that it's more his fault for leaving his family but she's crap for getting involved with a married man. final grade- D. she only passes because i think that perhaps she did just, 'fall in love' with him on set so she gets a passing grade. it's a low pass though because she should have resisted her urges and stayed away from a man who was taken, had a family, etc, etc.

NEXT we have the mary louise-parker/billy crudup/claire danes debacle. we all know her from 'weeds' (although i've never actually seen it) and the thousand other fabulous things she's done ('fried green tomatoes', 'saved', etc. needless to say, i love her and think she's sooo beautiful). he's that crappy actor who was the sore thumb son in 'big fish' and was one of the bad-good guys in that brad pitt (ohh, we're coming to him) film, 'sleepers'. whatever, he bites (and is not attractive AT ALL). claire we all loved from 'my so called life' but then started dropping like a lead balloon with such films as 'romeo and juliet' (i'm sorry to all of you who liked it but it was crap. really. crap. go watch the REAL version with olivia hussy and then come back and tell me that you thought claire and leo were good), that remake of 'the mod squad' (groan) and don't even get me started on 'stardust' (which, apparently-- meeg is my source here-- they wanted gwyneth for but she said no and so they drastically lowered their standards and went to claire).

the story is as follows: billy and mary had been together for something like 7 years. she was 8 months preggers with his kid. billy and claire were making some craptacular movie together (i don't even know the name of it) and 'fell in love' (yeah, that gem again-- wait for it, it's not the last time you'll read it). so, off go billy and claire (very un-apologetically) to leave mary to have the kid on her own.

the players:

mary- she's awesome. not only did she not make a bid deal about it in the press (although everyone was outraged on her behalf) but she actually named the kid after billy even though he had ditched her out of the blue. she was there on red carpets, promoting her stuff very soon after the news broke looking huge and glowing. she didn't let them see her cry. you go, mary. she still hasn't talked smack about them and is just going on with her life. final grade- A+ gotta love her!!

billy- total twat. unattractive, bad actor who leaves his gf of 7 years (who also happens to be 8-- yes EIGHT months preggers) for some young crappy actress. he made no apologies and just said, 'leave us alone, we love each other and it's right for us'. bullshit. he could at least have owned up to the fact that it was horrid timing on his part and that he was sorry that it happened the way it did but he didn't. he just dumped her and ran. final grade- F. LOSER.

claire- so not as attractive as mary (but like 20 years younger-- ok, that's a bit of an exaggeration) and can't even touch her as far as talent. she knew that billy was involved and yet threw herself in there anyway (not to mention the fact that she was, at the time, shacked up with singer, ben lee-- making her doubly slaggy). she was also unsympathetic to mary's plight and snubbed her nose at anybody who mentioned the fact that she ran off with mary's man. she's claire and thinks that she can be with anyone she wants, screw whomever gets hurt as that's not her problem. to top it off, after being with billy for 3 years it turns out that she cheated on him very recently with her new non-entity of a co-star and so the claire/billy thing if off. final grade- F. for being so uncaring about mary, for being a bad actor, for then cheating on billy and making the whole home wrecking thing a pointless endeavor.

LASTLY we have the mother of all home wrecking scenarios. the one you've all been waiting for...
jenn aniston/brad pitt/angelina jolie

ok, so we know this story backwards, frontwards, sideways and upside-down. we have 'the golden couple', brad and jenn. total a-listers. her hit tv show (plus her fabulous performance in 'the good girl' which everyone should see), his film career (with it's 'fight club' highs and 'the mexican' lows) and their sheer combined blond beauty made for the oh-so-right couple. there was lots of chatter before the meltdown about how he wanted kids (god, he wouldn't shut the fuck up about it) and she kept kind of mum about the whole thing (in my opinion she wanted to try to crack the film industry before getting preggers) but they still seemed like everything was a-ok. then came 'mr. and mrs. smith' and the divorce heard 'round the world. at first, brad and pukey claimed that they fell in love during the filming but that nothing happened until he was divorced. then recently vag-face came out and said that she DID pluck him during filming and that it was only now that she felt that it was ok to say that (and i think she did it because she's a jealous slag and if ANYBODY is getting more attention than she is she freaks out-- hello blood in a vial around your neck-- and she just wanted jenn to read that so that she would know that she'd really been cuckolded). now jenn is off searching aimlessly (and you can't get more aimless than john mayer) for that love lost while brad and angie are off with their brady bunch brokering a deal with benetton for a series of ads (no, not really).

the story is as follows: well, we just went through the story really but i think there's a little more. now, a lot of this is total speculation on my part but i think that a lot of you out there in cyber-land will agree that this is probably how it came down. angie and brad go to shoot this film. he's THE actor to land and she knows it. he wants kids and she has one (and wants more). she's hot in that, 'i look like my dad, my face looks like a vagina, i look waaaay older than 33, my body is weirdly proportioned and seriously are my lips about to explode off of my face?' sort of way. more importantly, she has an oscar for her lackluster performance in the self-indulgent film, 'girl, interrupted' (which we all know was crap), she comes from an a-list (although falling apart) hollywood family and she HAD THE ADORABLE KID. i think that herein lies the key to the whole thing. jenn's off filming and not getting preggers and here comes this woman who some people (inexplicably) think is hot and who is (OBVIOUSLY) a very manipulative woman who gets what she wants when she wants by any means necessary, she flirts, makes sure he sees her scantily clad, introduces the kid to him ("play with him, oh it's ok maddox, you can call him daddy") and BAM you have an instant implosion of the anniston-pitt home. then angie says, 'lets have tons more'-- again by any means necessary (and then comes the press announcement, 'we couldn't help it, we just fell in love'). this story particularly pisses me off because brad and angie are made out to be saints here. yeah, i'd have a dozen adopted kids if i could afford nannies for each one. i'd also be running around trying to help out in the sudan and cambodia and everywhere else if a) i could afford it and b) anybody would listen to me. then again, brad really has done a FANTASTIC thing with his, 'make it right' program here in new orleans (which angie has steered totally clear of so she gets none of her usual media-hogging spotlight credit for). i'm so sick of seeing angie with a head scarf on and the SAME look on her face in every war torn country she can get herself into (yeah, we get it. you want us to think you care.). un goodwill ambassador, my ass. what has she ACTUALLY done other than adopt kids (not to mention that one of them was like 4 when she adopted him and then she changed his name. that's just wrong)? NOTHING. brad's at least put his time, money and effort into 'make it right'. it also saddens me that jenn's still running around like a lost puppy. i'm so tired of seeing her with all of these wankers and yet i can't help but feel bad for her. i'm sure she's still so in love that it aches. really though, i don't know what to tell her. try to mend your broken heart by staying away from guys like john mayer and going for guys who will treat you well, maybe? or how about staying single until you're just over it? fuck, i don't know but something has to give with that poor woman.

the players-

jenn- can't help but feel bad for her. you KNOW that she's still in love with brad. she has to be. just look at her wonked out dating record since they broke up. she doesn't know where to go. plus, she has to be confronted on a daily basis with pics of the new super couple and their ever-expanding brood (not to mention the sheer horror of seeing things like those pics that brad took of angie and the kids for W magazine (i think it was)). i can't imagine the pain that must bring. you know she's just shouting that that was meant to be her life. she has stayed mum about it and hasn't really talked about it in anything but a joking way (i think she made some joke when an interviewer asked her if she ever talked to angie about how they all have holiday meals together or something). way to try to seem lighthearted about it and for not totally trashing angie every chance you get (cus i would have ripped slaggy's weave right off of her puffy, 45 year old looking head). final grade- B. i'm only giving her this grade because even though i sympathise with her plight and i KNOW she's desperate to fill the brad-sized hole in her heart there's just no excuse for john mayer. just none.

brad- ugh, this is tricky. somehow there's part of me that feels he's less to blame than angie is. maybe it's because i detest her so much, i'm not sure. maybe it's because i feel as if he was totally manipulated and brain-washed. i am very familiar with the, 'i really want kids' emotion and i can see being intoxicated by the cuteness that is maddox (and the promise of more cuteness to come). BUT when you really break it down he DID cheat on his wife. he DID leave her for another woman. maybe he really wasn't getting what he wanted (kids) but that's really no excuse for cheating (and especially not with uuughhh HER). final grade- C-. he cheated, that's bad. he's published pictures that he had to know jenn would see of his new little happy family that he took himself, that's cruel. BUT he really did want a family and that's what he has now. plus, i really think that he gets an upgrade because a) he's a really good dad (or so it seems) b) i have to love him for 'make it right' and c) i think he was totally manipulated by vag-face.

angie- ohhh, angie. how could you? you knew he was married. you waved your bj lips and big breasts in his face and then introduced him to the kid (knowing full well that that would be the clincher). you slept with him when you KNEW he was married, you are constantly making veiled remarks that are clearly aimed at her in the press, you rub your life with him in her face (you just lack decorum on every level possible- we saw it with the thing with billy-bob and then your dad and now jenn. get a grip on yourself) and you seem to be hyper-sensitive about him having ANY sort of contact with her at all- as if he's going to see the light and go running back to him (afraid that she'll do to you what you did to her? are you that insecure? really? oh, i believe it. i believe it alllll the way). i think you manipulated the whole situation and you looooove the spotlight and now you have it shining on you more brightly than you could have ever imagined. well played. final grade- F. the ultimate homewrecker. ironically, thinking about her being the ultimate homewrecker makes me think about the fact that now brad has the home that he always wanted-- one that is full of adorable kids, philanthropy, globe-trotting and would-be wife.

maybe she manipulated him into the life he always wanted but never had and now he's happy. damn it all, maybe (just maybe) it's better for him that angie came into his life. still... it's not fair that jenn has to wander the earth for all eternity to pay for being in love with him. uughh, quandry!!

you decide and let me know.

The Scottish Breeding Program(me)

2008-12-17T11:17:00.009-06:00

ok, so i've only just noticed this really bizarre thing. right now, there are 3 scottish actors (and sean connery totally doesn't count because a) where the hell is he? and b) he's so scottish that he's mildly off-putting even to scottish people) that are big, recognizable hollywood players. that's not the bizarre thing, though... wait for it...

so first we have my fave (as you all know) of the three...

james mcavoy. i heart james mcavoy. the eyes, the smile, the accent, the film choices. i really liked 'last king of scotland' and 'atonement'. there are tons of others that he did before that-- not to mention the first place i saw him (and the point at which i called that he was going to be a huge star-- a label which, if i happen to tag you with means that you WILL become an a-lister-- ask meeg about the harry potter/twilight guy and how i called that one, too) the television show 'shameless'. we all know what he looks like but we're coming to that...

then there's gerard butler. hot, yes. was in that weird '300' movie that i have yet to see because i really have no interest in watching semi-animated men fight for 2 hours, and 'p.s. i love you' which i did see and, well... there's just no excuse for. his mockery of an irish accent when he has a lovely mcavoy-esque glaswegian thing going on in real life (and just don't get me started on who on earth would want to be with the horse of a woman, can't fathom why she keeps winning oscars, annoying as hell hillary swank) and the whole premise make the thing unwatchable. i can't even think of what else he's been in but he's been linked with every starlet from travis barker's ho of an ex- what's her face blond woman- to poor cuckolded jenny aniston. we all know what he looks like, too. dubious film and sexual partner choices aside- he's pretty damn hot, too...

lastly we have the enigmatic ewan mcgregor. who doesn't love dear ewan. although where the hell has he been? is he still in hiding after george lucas raped him in the star wars prequels? or maybe it's just shame because now a couple of people have actually seen 'the island' and he never thought it would come to that. still, we forgive him those sins for the great gifts that he's given us; things like, 'trainspotting', 'big fish' (which i understand there's some debate about but i liked it), 'little voice', 'velvet goldmine', 'the pillow book'... i could go on (and i do understand that there are some sprinklings of crap in there as well but none are as bad as 'star wars' so if we can forgive that then we can forgive 'molin rouge'-- or can we?). i think that we can all agree that when he's on, he's on. i think that we can also agree that he is just undeniably hot. he's shorter and thinner than gerard butler (much more a mcavoy physique) but soooo sexy (totally different accent though as he's from perth and our other two boys are glaswegian). i think that we have all come to the opinion that he, like the other two aforementioned gentlemen, is hot...

now, here's where the freak show bizarreness enters.

why the hell do all three of them look so similar? and why is it that i didn't notice this until i saw little clips of bulter looking like mcavoy then mcavoy looking like mcgregor? they're like superman and clark kent. you never see them together so you never notice how much they look alike. well, watch out faithful readers because i'm about to pull the glasses off this mo-fo!!

ok, so i will grant you that there are minor differences here and there BUT their eyes are all big and the same shade of blue (although that pic of mcavoy does his eyes NO justice- but if you've seen 'last king of scotland' you know what i'm talking about). their ears are the same, their faces are similarly shaped and they all have the same chin (although, yes, ewan has the weird chin-dimple thing but the shape of the chin is the same!). i know that james and ewan are both short at 5'7'' ish and both thin and gerard is some buff giant of a man, but look at the shapes of their faces. even with the height difference between the arguable better two and the buff one their faces are still the same shape. i ask you... WHAT the HELL is going on in scotland? are they breeding these guys to all look the same? they give them tiny differences (james and ewan have gingery beards but gerard's is dark, james and ewan are short and gerard is taller, ewan has the weird chin-dimple and the others don't) but when it comes down to it they all look as if they could be related. seriously, they could be brothers, could they not?!?!? i think that james and ewan look so alike that it's a little scary. gerard is maybe the cousin to the two short brothers but he's still in the family. don't deny it. i know you see it's there!!

my ultimate question is... if they're breeding hot scottish men, why are they not sending more out into the world? i found one for myself but there are other women (and men) out there in need. two of these three are married (and keep your hands off of mine) and gerard is just sort of whoring about so there need to be more of these guys released into the general population. send them here to the states. screw the recession, we will find work for them, even if it's just making them stand in front of a camera and badly recite lines (i'm looking at you here, gerard).

have a very scottish holiday season everyone!

The Gift of Time

2008-12-06T12:57:00.007-06:00

so last night gavin, kyle and i went to see a screening of my friend franis' film, 'The Gift Of Time'. it was really an amazing film. i don't want to give too much away about it but we were all very moved by the story and its content and i think that everyone could really benefit from seeing it. it's a documentary style film that has elements that i think apply to every family and relationship. it's very much about the way that we act towards our families, the things that we do to one another, how we hurt each other and the fact that even under the worst conditions there is still hope for redemption, forgiveness and the renewal of love.

beyond that, it's a movie that i would recommend simply based on the fact that i enjoyed it so much.

everyone should check out the trailer for the film--

http://www.giftoftimemovie.com/

Just a bit of an update...

2008-11-27T03:59:00.005-06:00

So, due to a series of family tragedies my boss has decided to close shop. He said that he would pay me the check that he owes me on the 1st of december but i somehow doubt that i'll be getting that (although i really do need it for rent, bills, savings, etc). so here i am... unemployed. we still have some saving to do to be able to make it to scotland in april, i obviously still have bills to pay until then and the market is bare. i'm doing my best to find something but i fear that i will end up at yet another coffee shop making just enough to make ends meet (i hope).
my father and my father in law have said that they won't let it come down to us not having the money to move, so that's one good thing.
really there's no other news. i have tons of packing to do, lots of furniture and books, etc to give away (or sell) and only a few months to do it in.
i can't wait to move and to have all of this stress behind me (and i hope to find a job soon- i know it won't be until after the thanksgiving holidays but i really need something to materialize).
i hope that all of you who read this (and know me personally) are planning on coming out and visiting once we're out there and settled. you know i love you all and would love to have you come visit any time you like.
again, just keeping you posted as to what's up with me.

we'll be doing lots of fun nola stuff in the time that we have left here so if any of you find yourselves in new orleans give us a call and we'll go have an adventure!!

hope you're all well.

happy thanksgiving

i'm thankful for the love of my family and friends.
i'm thankful that i have a place to live and food on my table.
i'm thankful that i have a good life and a chance at an even better one.
i'm thankful that me, my friends and family are all safe, happy (for the most part), and healthy.
i'm thankful for all of you.

much love to you all.

Thanksgiving is Neigh (and christmas and new year's and mardi gras)

2008-11-23T01:35:00.007-06:00

amazingly enough thanksgiving is fast approaching. here in new orleans thanksgiving sparks off a series of holidays that doesn't end until february 24th.

first we begin with tofurkey day. somehow that doesn't seem to end until almost the end of november. everyone has that 4 day weekend during which they gorge themselves and sleep way too much (i won't even mention the drinking). for some it is a time to spend with loved ones and family-- a happy occasion filled with laughter and fun. for others it's the time of the year during which you can't escape the people you do your best to ignore for 10 months out of the year.

my brother, robin, always says that it's his favorite holiday. there's lots of food, no obligatory presents, drink, merriment and the odd familial argument that is forgotten as soon as there are plates on the table laden with food (at which point all differences are put aside).

i agree with him to a certain extent. not much is expected of anyone on thanksgiving. you show up (either alone or with your wife/husband/partner/kids) and you sit around with people you've known all of your life and you simply eat until you pass out. there is no pressure (except the pressure put on the poor sod that has to cook everything- a good way to alleviate this is to have everyone bring something to the table. let that one person cook the turkey- or tofurkey, as the case may be- and let everyone else bring something that is instrumental to the meal). if everyone pitches in with the dishes then it should be a stress-free holiday for all. it's the perfect time to reminisce about all of the insane things your parents/spouses/siblings/kids have done in the past (but keep it light-hearted so that nobody gets offended!). good laughs can be had by all and it's a perfect familial bonding day.

as soon as thanksgiving is over, however, the rush towards christmas has begun. the day (and weekend) after this most precious of holidays is instantly taken over by the christmas rush. correct me if i'm wrong but isn't the day after thanksgiving known as black friday? the friday (and weekend) after thanksgiving is the biggest shopping day/weekend of the year!! nothing like getting a jump on things!!

so, after thanksgiving we have less than a month to decorate (buy trees and lights and all of that nonsense-- not to mention presents for everyone you've ever met. it's not a time for just spending time with family. it's a time to see if you are going to get what you've been angling for all year. unlike thanksgiving, christmas is not a low-pressure familial romp down memory lane. it's a time to feign delight at the socks that your auntie margret got you (even though you're 30 and you have more socks than you know what to do with). it's not a time of laughing together with no strings attached, it's a time to guage how well your family and friends know you (and how much they like you-- if they get you something at all, that is). christmas dinner can be quite pleasant (if people aren't still bitter about the wonky presents that they've received) but the main thought on everyone's mind is always, 'why didn't i get what i really wanted?'. i, for a long time, labored under the delusion that christmas was a time when we were grateful that our loved ones thought enough about us to go get us presents at all, that it was a spiritual holiday, that we should be happy to be alive and together and to sing carols and one another's praises. i suppose i was wrong.

then, not a week later we have new year's to deal with... plans to go out (parties, bars, intimate celebrations, morning hangovers, resolutions-- and then (in new orleans on new year's day- it's time for cabbage and black-eyed peas- cabbage means wealth all year round and black-eyed peas are for a year's worth of health) for the rest of the world it is then done and dusted...

the holiday season is over and done with-- unless you're in new orleans.

as soon as the new year starts we in new orleans have something altogether different to contend with... the beginning of mardi gras. this year (the 24th of february) is mardi gras day. the parades begin about 3 weeks before the day itself but preparations for the day begin almost as soon as new year's is over with. mardi gras itself is sooo much fun but when you pack holiday on top of holiday it gets a little exhausting. all you want is a break from having to be around everyone you know all of the time.

ok, that's not really totally true. i love being with my family on thanksgiving. i love giving them presents on christmas. i love seeing in the new year. i love seeing my friends on mardi gras.

it all just seems (as i get older, i suppose) that it's just one thing on top of another. it all starts at the end of november and then goes straight on through until the end of february!!

maybe i am an old lady or maybe i'm just old hat at the new orleans non-stop partying and it's wearing me out. i bet you anything that when i move i'll miss it though. no thanksgiving in the uk, no mardi gras... just that week of christmas and new years. now i think that that's it's exhausting. perhaps at this time next year i'll be bored and i'll be pining for the non-stop excitement of my hometown.

i guess we'll just have to wait and see...

Hope Dawns...

2008-11-23T00:14:00.003-06:00

i know that it's a little bit late for this and that i should have posted this the night of or day after the election but i have to say congratulations to my man obama. i know that if you go back and read past entries that i was all for hillary at the beginning but i have learned the error of my ways. i couldn't be happier that obama won (and it's not just about beating out mccain). i'm still a little upset about the whole, 'si se puede' thing, but i think that i can get over that.
i do know that this marks a change in american politics and i hope and pray that he can live up to the emense burden that we've placed on his shoulders. i have faith in him and i hope that all of you do as well. i'm not sure that i ever thought that i would see the day when we would have a black president (that wasn't colin powell).
bravo, obama. i'm proud of you. i voted for you and i'm putting my faith in you (as we all are-- no pressure, mind!). good luck. i know that you can and will turn this country around. i'm proud to call you president.
my only regret is that i didn't buy a box of obama o's! they're still available as far as i can tell...
here's the link if anyone's still interested!!

http://www.airbedandbreakfast.com/obamaos

what a pain...

2008-11-22T17:13:00.003-06:00

so, the countdown has begun...
soon enough i will no longer be writing from the streets of katrinaville, rather i will be writing from the streets of northeastern scotland...
of course the tone will change (not that many people will notice...) but i hope to be able to strike a good balance between what was and what will be. i hope that the few people who read this will enjoy what i have planned. i know that once i move i will have a lot more time to write (and hopefully i will soon have good news about progress concerning our move!).
i just wanted to write to let all of you know that i haven't forgotten about you but that things have been a bit hectic on my end. i promise to write more as things begin to calm down and become more settled (one can but hope).
love to all and i will write again soon.
hope to hear from all of you.
xxx
nic

VOTE!!!

2008-10-28T06:57:00.003-05:00

yeah, that's really all i had to say. everyone who can needs to get out on election day and vote. gavin's chomping at the bit to vote. sadly, he's not a citizen so he can't. you, gentle reader (all three of you), can-- so make sure you cast your ballots. whether it's early or on the day... just make sure you get your ass out there!

The time is flying by...

2008-10-07T05:58:00.003-05:00

So, here we find ourselves in (almost) mid-October. Halloween is around the corner (I'm already sad that I won't get to see what Meeg is going to dress up as) and fall is most certainly upon us. It's getting cooler here in the city of the never-ending blinding sunlight and daylight savings ends in less than a month. To think that this is the last Autumn that I'll spend here is a little more than bizarre. I don't know that it's really sunk in. Once Halloween hits, it's all just going to be a torrent of activity from there. Gavin's birthday, our anniversary, Thanksgiving... November is chock full of things that make the time seem to fly. Then there's Christmas and New Year. Right after that we have to finish paying for our transport and then Mardi Gras is upon us. In early March I have to apply for my visa and by mid-April I will be on a boat watching this country receed into the distance. Makes me think of all of the people I know who read this (or don't read this), the people I really write it for (when I write), my friends.
Maybe I'm just feeling sappy and sentimental but I'll miss all of my friends. Even the ones I don't see or talk to so much anymore. It's all going to change. In the blink of an eye it won't just be a function of me not seeing friends because we're all busy, it'll be a function of not seeing people because they're a world away. I know that I'm not leaving for another 5 and a half months but I'm still beginning to miss you all already.
Just wanted that out there. I know I'm leaving and who knows when or if I'll ever come back. I appreciate all of you who've been my friends for all this time. I love all of you and hope that the distance that is soon to come between us doesn't diminish the friendships that we have.
xxxxx
nic

Wrong Palin, John!! We wanted Micheal!!!

2008-09-11T11:41:00.004-05:00

ok, so i have a confession to make. many years ago (and i think i'm going to blame post-storm trauma on this one) meeg and i were having a conversation in which i stated that if it came down to mccain versus some AWFUL dem candidate that i would go with mccain. i have to say (in my defence) that at the time he seemed a lot more harmless- although in retrospect, was he ever harmless? ANYWAY- when meeg said, 'how bad would the dem candidate have to be?' i responded with, 'ok, let's say it was kathleen blanco versus john mccain. in that case, i would totally be all about mccain.'

i think it's funny that now mccain has picked the republican, crazy version of blanco as his running mate. seriously, a one term governor who is for everything i am against and who i just KNOW that when mccain's 127 year old ticker gives out will make a total mess of things (remember blanco's 'deer in the headlights' look just before katrina? that's how i see palin looking for the entirety of her term after mccain kicks it. not good, not good at all.

i don't have to tell you all about all of her craziness- her preggers teenage daughter (which, in itself, i am not really going to judge- i just think it's funny that the republicans are NOW all saying that we should stay out of her personal life... hmm... that sounds like it's really quite the opposite of what they were saying when clinton got a bj from an intern- but whatevs), her penchant for hunting and fishing, her total disregard for anything environmental (she believes in global warming but doesn't think it's our fault?!!?!), she wants to open up alaska for drilling and thinks we should be able to shoot wolves. NICE.

so, not like my vote wasn't locked for obama already, but now that mccain is running with bizzaro-blanco i'm going to actually have to enlist to help with the obama campaign (phone calls and what not) rather than just casting a vote.

oh, and i know palin is younger and has better skin/hair- but tell me that there isn't some freaky resemblance here!!!

and this is just on my block!

2008-09-02T08:55:00.008-05:00

so, gustav has passed us by. all we ended up getting was a little water in the apartment from the rain, some damage to the outside of the house, 18 hours with no power, and tons of debris and fallen trees. could have been soooo much worse. i know that there are areas that were hit much, much harder, but we were largely spared.

here are just some of the pics i took when i ventured out into the crazy gusting winds to see what was up (seriously, i actually fell over a few times from the force of the winds).

ohhh gustav!!

2008-08-31T11:52:00.004-05:00

seriously,
can this be happening again?
the day after i was supposed to have my birthday party a hurricane hits (wait, did we just time warp to 2005?!?).
at least this time bush made a statement BEFORE the hurricane hit. maybe fema, etc. will actually be prepared this time. who knows? what i do know is that new orleans can't afford to take another hit. we just can't. emotionally, psychologically, economically... we just can't afford it!

well, i hope it doesn't flood, or maybe that it floods just enough that fema feels it necessary to hand out some well-deserved checks. they can take the money from the money they're pouring into the war. wow, that sounds selfish AND terribly greedy. whatever, i'm bitter about my birthday. i think i deserve to be a little pouty at the moment! another birthday with no presents!! (ok, that's a lie- gavin gave me something and so did stephanie). still, this is the second time in four years!!
at least we can all take comfort in the fact that no matter how screwed we are, george bush actually knows it's happening this time. ah, how times have changed (even though i think it's just an excuse to not have to go to the convention- but whatever).

good luck to everyone and for everyone who's elsewhere- pray, cross your fingers, sacrifice goats, whatever you do... do it for us and hope that we make it through.

i'll talk to all of you on the other side!

much love,
nic

ACLU study on racial disparity in arrests in orleans and surrounding parishes. shocking? horribly, it's not.

2008-08-12T06:13:00.003-05:00

One of my best friends, Katie, is an attorney at ACLU Louisiana. They recently did a study on racial disparity and arrests in Orleans and surrounding parishes. The results are astounding and yet not surprising. We don't just need to fix buildings in New Orleans, people!! We need to fix the way we treat each other. This city would be in much better shape if we worked together more instead of judging and fighting one another. We're all New Orleanians, we're all people. We should strive for so much more than just rebuilding, we should also strive for equality.
As a great man once (sort of) said...
A city divided against itself cannot stand!!!

From the Times Pic....

Report studies race in arrests
It sees disparity with parish populations
Thursday, August 07, 2008
By Jeff Adelson

Minorities make up 16 percent of the population in St. Tammany Parish, but they represent 31 percent of those arrested in the unincorporated areas in the first quarter of 2007, according to a three-parish study by the ACLU, which says racial profiling remains a problem in Louisiana.

The report, which studied arrests in St. Tammany, Avoyelles and De Soto parishes, calls for increased oversight of traffic stops to monitor and prevent any racial profiling throughout the state.

"The findings continue to show that racial profiling continues to be a problem," said Liza Grote, who is working on a racial justice fellowship for the organization. "The current state of the law is not getting done what needs to get done, which is racially blind policing tactics."

But the St. Tammany Sheriff's Office, which patrols the unincorporated areas of the parish, disputed the report's conclusions, arguing that more study is needed to determine whether the disparity is caused by racial motivations or other factors.

"We target people based on criminal behavior, not on the color of their skin," Maj. Fred Oswald said.

In Slidell, with a 22 percent minority population, about 34 percent of those arrested were minorities. Covington's population is made up of about 27 percent minorities, but minorities made up about 41 percent of those arrested.

Slidell Police Chief Freddy Drennan said Wednesday that he does not condone racial profiling nor does he believe it exists in his department.

"We teach (about) racial profiling in our academy and have done so since 2002," he said. "It is something that we're 100 percent compliant on. That is something that is mandatory and that they have to have before they graduate from the academy."

A Covington police spokesman said the department had not seen the study and would have no immediate comment on it.

Mandeville Police, patrolling a city with a 10 percent minority population, reported that about 11 percent of those arrested were minorities.

The study by the ACLU's Louisiana chapter took arrest data from agencies in the three parishes and compared the rate at which minorities are jailed to the percentage of minority residents in each parish. Information on arrests comes from the first three months of 2007, according to the report. The parishes were chosen to show a spectrum of rural and urban areas and based on complaints from residents, Grote said.

Grote described the practice of racial profiling as being "ineffective policing in addition to being unconstitutional."

Because of a loophole in Louisiana law, few agencies report statistics on traffic stops, preventing the ACLU from analyzing these directly, Grote said. As a result, the organization focused on arrest data in an effort to spur reform and require greater transparency on police procedures, she said.

Better policies would help "law enforcement officers be more cognizant of their actions and think more about what they're doing when they're stopping people," Grote said.

In Avoyelles Parish, 39 percent of those arrested were minorities, while they make up about 33 percent of the population. The city of Bunkie had the highest disparity, with minorities making up 80 percent of all those arrested when they comprise only 52 percent of the city's population.

In De Soto, 53 percent of those arrested were minorities, while minorities make up 42 percent of the parish population.

A state law adopted in 2001 was intended to monitor and curtail racial profiling by requiring agencies to track the race of all motorists involved in traffic stops and submit these statistics to the state's Department of Public Safety. However, the law exempts from these requirements any agency with a written policy against racial profiling, leaving it a "largely empty gesture," according to the report.

The ACLU referred to this exemption as "an enormous loophole" and notes that the overwhelming majority of agencies adopted such a policy.

St. Tammany Parish Sheriff's Office officials don't dispute the numbers in the ACLU's report, but said that further analysis is needed to show why minorities were being arrested at a higher rate.

What's needed, Maj. Oswald said, is an evaluation that separates arrests made because of calls to police and those resulting from proactive methods, such as traffic stops. But even those numbers could be problematic because of the Sheriff's Office's narcotics and street crimes divisions, which conduct operations largely in the parish's poorer neighborhoods, Oswald said.

These areas often have a larger concentration of minorities than the parish as a whole but the operations usually are lauded by many in those communities, he said.

how i learned to stop worrying and love myself...giving up the cigarettes.

2008-08-11T02:31:00.004-05:00

so i've officially decided. i need to quit smoking. it's really gotten out of control. the expense notwithstanding, i just smoke too much. i sit at a computer all day long-- while i'm working, while i'm writing, while i'm mucking about on myspace, etc. even when i'm not on the computer, i'm smoking. it's gotten so bad that sometimes when i laugh really really hard i start to cough a bit. i don't have that persistent smoker's cough (yet- touch wood), but it's bad enough to have to worry about something being TOO funny because you'll cough!! ugh, something else horrid. i use my left hand- my ashtray sits on that side of my comptuer, and i hold my ciggarette high up between the pointer and middle fingers on my left hand (so that i can still type). that spot on my hand is starting to discolor. it really is so terrifying.
problem is that i don't WANT to give up. i know that i should, i kind of want to, but i don't WANT to! i like smoking. i always have. it's one of my favorite things to do.
so my question is this- knowing that (even though i don't really want to but i feel like i need to- and there is that small part of me that wants to) i really need to stop, how do i?
i've gone cold turkey and lasted about 3 months without smoking before. then i don't even remember what happened and i started again. i've slowly weaned myself down to a cigarette or less a day until i was not smoking at all and then given up for a few weeks (that was right before katrina hit). i've heard patches are crap- my elder brother used to wear them AND smoke. gum's not going to work- i hate gum- i sort of grind my teeth in my sleep, so chewing gum makes my jaw hurt.
so what do i do here, people? do i try cold turkey again? do i try the (expensive) patch? if any of you have been REAL smokers and given up, please... do tell. how did you do it?
i know the dangers. i'm going to be 32 at the end of the month. enough is enough. i still have time to let my body almost totally repair itself. it's not too late for me.
help!!!
was is it that they say? the first step is in admitting that you have a problem...

hello, my name is nicole and i'm addicted to cigarettes.

wrapped up nicely in a handbasket....where are we going?

2008-08-06T02:59:00.003-05:00

i think that this pretty much sums up how i feel about the state of our government, media and the culture of celebrity in our country right now. thank you, decemberists for putting it into words and a song for me.

Sixteen military wives
Thirty-two softly focused brightly colored eyes
Staring at the natural tan
of thirty-two gently clenching wrinkled little hands
Seventeen company men
Out of which only twelve will make it back again
Sergeant sends a letter to five
Military wives, whose tears drip down through ten little eyes

Cheer them on to their rivals
Cause America can, and America can't say no
And America does, if America says it's so
It's so!

And the anchorperson on TV goes...
La de da de da

Fifteen celebrity minds
Leading their fifteen sordid wretched checkered lives
Will they find the solution in time
Using their fifteen pristine moderate liberal minds?

Eighteen academy chairs
Out of which only seven really even care
Doling out the garland to five
Celebrity minds, they're humbly taken by surprise

Cheer them on to their rivals
Cause America can, and America can't say no
And America does, if America says it's so
It's so!

And the anchorperson on TV goes...
La de da de da de-dadedade-da
La de da de da de-dadedade-da

Fourteen cannibal kings
Wondering blithely what the dinner bell will bring
Fifteen celebrity minds
Served on a leafy bed OF sixteen military wives

Cheer them on to their rivals
Cause America can, and America can't say no
And America does, if America says it's so
It's so!

And the anchorperson on TV goes...
La de da de da de-dadedade-da
La de da de da de-dadedade-da
La de da de da de-dadedade-da-dedadeda-de de dadede-daaaaa

myspace, facebook, bebo... where will it all end?!?

2008-07-30T18:19:00.002-05:00

these sites are killing me and yet i somehow can't stay away from them. i have accounts on all three of them. for those of you who don't know, bebo is the myspace of the uk. some of them aren't that bad. on myspace and facebook i get to be connected with people that i know (or knew) and haven't spoken with in ages. of course, there's the odd person (meeg, i'm looking at you here) who i talk to all of the time and still have on facebook (and myspace and bebo). it's ultimately a good thing to be able to reconnect with these people and i'm all for it.
bebo's the weird one, though. other than the few people that i strong-armed into opening bebo pages, i don't know a single one of my "bebo friends" in real life. it sometimes feels like i do, as i've been talking to them on bebo for over a year now, but ultimately i don't actually know them.
why is it that we (cus it's not just me- they all do it, too) feel the need to make friends with people who live half-way around the world and who we will most likely never meet? don't get me wrong, they're nice people, it's all very diverting, etc., but it just seems a little insane.

does anyone else feel like the proliferation of these sites is just a little ridiculous? i have 80+ friends on myspace and even more than that on facebook. how the hell am i meant to keep up with all of them? (oh, and don't get me started on those applications that tell me what my grade in bed is or ask me to take 10 question iq tests online!!). i'm glad to be able to connect with these old friends, i like being able to comment them when i miss them or have something to say, but what ever happened to emails and phone calls? am i a neo-luddite? part of me thinks that it's gone too far and yet as we speak i have all three (myspace, bebo and facebook open on my computer). am i a hypocrite or an addict?

so, what do you think? are these sites good things or bad things? discuss amongst yourselves (and then leave comments to let me know how you feel about it).

much love,
nic

holy crap... dylan moran actually IS bernard black!! (and i think i'm kind of in love with him)

2008-07-17T11:43:00.004-05:00

ohhhh dylan! i love you! and how did it come to pass that you actually ARE the hilariously bitter chain smoking drunk irishman i always hoped you really were? i'm sure it's all part of your bit or whatever, but i love that you can maintain it for so long. i know that you're already married (and, well, so am i) but if you ever find yourself in a position wherein you need a girlfriend or someone to just talk at, i'm here for you.

my homage to my rising star... james mcavoy

2008-07-05T12:20:00.008-05:00

He's currently starring as one of the most unlikely leading men in one of the biggest movies of the summer alongside angelina jolie. he's a pasty-white red headed glaswegian with a thick accent standing at a whopping 5'7''. the man can't weigh more than a buck 50 (if that!!). and yet somehow he has women all over the world falling all over him (including myself).
it doesn't hurt that he's an amazing actor. i first noticed him in 2004 in the television show 'shameless' (in which he was brilliant- meeg can attest to that). if you haven't seen it, you must rush out and try to get your hands on it ASAP. he then took a turn as mr. tumnus in the chronicles of narnia, one of the highest grossing films ever. and then the real action began...
the last king of scotland. he turned in a magnificent performance and the film was nominated for best film of the year. a year later he kicked it again in atonement, again nominated for best film of the year. now he's going for the leading man thing in wanted.
of course, he's made other films, including an amazing adaptation of Macbeth, but he's now really coming into himself (and if you can believe it, he's only 30).
he's the next big thing- he's the new big thing- and i say that it's about time that we have a leading man who is sensitive and funny and not 6'2'' and built like a body builder. he's a real man, and by that i mean he's just real. he's like you and me. watch interviews with him-- he's humble, funny, affable, well-spoken, and clearly a guy that you'd want to be friends with.
bravo james. i wish you all the success in the world.
i'll be watching!!

katrinaville revistited

2008-07-01T03:04:00.009-05:00

so, it's been raining quite a bit here these days (every day in fact). and lately there have been shades of katrina popping up left and right.
just thought i'd share a couple of photos that i took the other day after it rained for about an hour.
let's all just pray that this isn't a sign of things to come this hurricane season...

welcome to katrinaville revisited...

any of this look at all familiar? there are pics i've left out of cars under water. i thought that might be a little too much.

just a reminder that the past does sometimes repeat itself.

better to be reminded than to blank it out and be taken by surprise once more...

pray (or hope or keep your fingers crossed- whatever it is you chose to do) for us all.

thanks and much love

i know, i know... i promised

2008-06-12T06:23:00.003-05:00

ok, i'm so bloody over this whole thing that the only reason i am posting this at all is because i promised to in my last post (damn me and my stupid promises!!).

so, hillary's lost it. finally the battle is over (and somewhere meeg is jumping up and down over the death of the evil ice queen). i have to say, we all know that we would have voted for whomever won it. anyone but oldie mcolderson (even if bracha thinks he's sexy- shudder).

i just hope that obama has the chops to nail this one. i don't know that i could handle another defeat... i just don't know what i would do (oh wait, i DO know what i would do... i would leave the f-ing country!!! well, i'm going to regardless of what happens, so i guess that's moot).

so, the queen is dead... long live the king. let's hope he's up to the challenge of battling the evil empire!!!

next time- something i am a little more interesting. i promise that there will be more political posts when we really get into the mud-slinging of the general election!

let them eat cake...

2008-06-07T20:53:00.003-05:00

so, meeg bought me the "marie antoinette" soundtrack for christmas (i think it was christmas), and i've been listening to it non-stop lately. it doesn't hurt that the movie has been on television constantly in the last couple of weeks.
i did see the beginning of it ages ago, when it first came out, and wasn't interested. i ended up turning it off after all of 5 minutes.
i have since watched it and i have to say that i really like it a lot. i think that our sophia has done a really good job of showing the progression of the young woman who was so vilified and who became the symbol of everything that was wrong with the french monarchy.
this is what i know of her (from school, etc). she was austrian and about 14 or 15 when she married louis, the dauphin of france (they were married by proxy). when she finally came to france she was completely lost in the decadence and ritual of the french court, versailles, and being the dauphine. it didn't help her much that her husband, louis, was kind of a freak (i'm going to go so far as to say that he was a boy who never grew up). i don't think he was gay- i think he was more scared of sex, or even a-sexual altogether. the rumor goes that they were married for seven years before their marriage was consummated (recall, though, that she was still in austria for some of that time). she was under intense pressure from her mother and the french king (and just about everyone else in the world) to produce an heir, but what is a young woman to do when her husband won't sleep with her? it's been pretty well documented that it wasn't her fault- she was attractive and wanted to please louis and produce and heir- he was the one who wasn't interested for unknown reasons.
during the years when she wasn't sleeping with her husband (the king died before a child was born by marie and thus she was queen before her husband slept with her), she fell into the debauchery of the french court. she held lavish parties, gambled, went to the opera in paris quite a bit... by this time she was around 18 years old and little older. i completely understand why she would behave this way! you are the queen of france. people think it's your fault that the king won't have sex with you, you are devastated by the fact that you have not produced an heir and you feel like there's nothing you can do to seduce your husband. imagine that you're 18 and a queen living at versailles... what would you do? you would buy the latest fashions... you would have parties... you would eat decadent food... you would do anything and everything to live frivolously enough to forget that you feel that it is your fault that you cannot fulfill your life's purpose!! she was but a young girl and she acted as such!
when she did finally have a child (a girl) she retreated to her own home, away from versailles, and spent most of her time there. she became reclusive, no longer threw the huge bashes, no longer bought the crazy clothes... she spent years with her daughter living in quiet serenity. she later bore a son (the dauphin louis, who was executed along with her and his father), and had another child who died.
she did take to the life that she was brought into when she entered into the french court, but she did not create the decadence. it was there when she arrived, she merely became a part of it.
i think that she was a very sad figure. very misunderstood and blamed for things that history now shows she did not do nor say (she never said, 'let them eat cake'). it must also be mentioned that she was blamed by the people (i think it was because it was easier to blame the foreign queen than to blame the rightful king- even though his head ended up on the block, too) for her lavish spending when it came to her parties and clothes and gambling and such. we must remember that louis was spending a FORTUNE at the time helping the US with their (our) revolution. both he and his grandfather (the previous king) were even more decadent than marie. they ate and had parties and waged war and lived at versailles... they bought insane estates, and did all of the things that the french kings of the time thought was their right. she was blamed for the overspending and decadence of the whole royal court, and in this i think she got the rawest of all possible deals. she was truly hated for things that she did not do and were not her fault. it is a small comfort that history has come to show that the things she was hated for at the time of the french revolution were not her fault or were not done or said by her at all.

i think that the film does a good job of showing a young girl trying to adapt to a new life, trying to cope with pressures that are too great for her, being the child that she was, being a loving wife and mother, and just trying her best to find her place in what could only have been the most difficult and bizarre of situations. i recommend watching it (even though i don't like kirsten dunst).

and of course, all of this is set to a pretty damn fantastic soundtrack (thanks, meeg!).

next time...
the election, hillary, obama, the old guy, and what the next few months have in store for us.

for all of you who are new to the blog or who have just started reading it again...

2008-06-06T11:52:00.003-05:00

don't forget that there's a whole host of good entries further down. scroll down and decide if you think that madonna's on steroids, watch some david bowie videos or some clips from great british sitcoms, read my clinton/obama rants, read about how to pretend you've read some literary classics that you probably haven't actually read!
go to past months!! read about religions you never knew existed and celeb gossip and all sorts of other fabulous things!! there are months of reading that you can catch up on!! need to brush up on your english history and all of the exciting events from 1066 to (i forget where i stopped)... it's all there!! read, learn, laugh, enjoy, comment!! love to you all!!

and here's a little something extra just for today!

we've got his royal hotness james mcavoy (and his glorious accent), a funny story about the wretched paparazzi, a reference to the uber fabulous clive owen, and good scottish slang!! how can you beat it? (and it's only a little over a minute).

enjoy!

and for those of you who aren't so much into james or the celeb thing there's this...

LLLLLLLLLLLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOYYYYYYYYYYYY
JJJJJJJJJJJEEEEEEEENNNNNNNNNNNNNKKKKKKKKKIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNSSSSSSSSSS!

the lost photography by nicole (AND DID I MENTION THAT I FINIISHED WRITING MY SECOND BOOK?)

2008-06-05T01:44:00.027-05:00

so, in my attempt to consolidate all of my belongings before i move in 10 months (i know, i'm getting ahead of myself, but it's a compulsion), i went through the steamer trunk full of negatives, contact sheets, and prints that i had from the 15 some-odd years that i spent taking photographs (yes, i did exhibit. yes, people did buy my work. yes, i was paid to do portraits. yes, i was paid to do ad work). i have not done any photography since the storm, but i intend on picking it back up (actually, i've already started just a bit). writing is still my primary focus (OH, DID I FORGET TO MENTION THAT I FINISHED MY SECOND BOOK? IT'S A CHILDREN'S BOOK CALLED, "THE TALE TELLER". MY ILLUSTRATOR IS WORKING ON IT AND IT SHOULD BE COMPLETED IN TOTO SOON!!), but i will always have a keep interest in photography. having said that, i thought that i would put a few of my old shots up so that you all (all two of you who read my blog) could have a look and tell me what you think (although i have a feeling i will only get a comment from meeg- maybe i'm down to one reader!! it would certainly seem that way!).

enjoy!!

steroids...do they or don't they?

2008-06-03T02:36:00.001-05:00

as some of you may know, gavs is a total work-out freak. he has all of these meal plans and protein shakes and goes to the gym at least 4 times a week. problem for my poor little hubby is that he's one of those guys that you want to kick in the shin because he has a super fast metabolism, making it that much harder for him to put on weight.
the other day we were looking around the interweb and found this site that had all of these photos of celebs who had done super-fast bulk ups and the writers of this blog (i'm guessing that's what it was) were questioning if steroid use was involved.

so, i did a little research on my own. i found out that other than an initial surge in muscle-mass gain that will last few weeks, it is only possible for the human body to put on 6-8 pounds of muscle a month. that's A MONTH, people! now, for those celebs who don't want their new muscle hiding under bulky fat they then have to go on another sort of work out regime that involves continued weight training, loads of cardio, and good old-fashioned dieting. the only way to get those ripped bodies is to bulk up and then drop body fat so that all you can see is the underlying muscle. this is why body builders have such low body fat. the less you have, the more muscle you can see. in fact, i found out that all of us have six packs hiding under our bellies, regardless of how many sit ups some of may (not) have done in the last 10 some-odd years. that is simply the shape of the muscle that we all have and the only way to make them pop out is to lose that body fat (which, of course, is easier said that done).

so, knowing that putting on something like 30+ pounds of muscle and trimming the body fat to make your body look cut is an impossible feat without the use of steroids (which we all know are very bad), let's see if we think these celebs did or did not use steroids to get into their fighting fit shape...

let's start with christian bale. this man went from THIS in 'The Machinist'
to THIS in 'Batman Begins'

this transformation took place over a mere 6 month period. in that time he gained 100 pounds (not of pure muscle, just 100 pounds) i am going to vote no on steroid use here, and this is why. Bale's super thin frame in "The Machinist" would have put on fat in an absurdly quick period of time. his body was literally starving to death. he could have easily gained half of that weight in pure fat in a month alone. so, in the 6 months that it took him to transform he put on 100 pounds of body weight and (so my sources tell me) could not have put on more than around 50 pounds of muscle-mass. in "Batman Begins" he's obviously very muscular, but really look at him and you'll see that when he's not flexing, he's not all that cut. this means that he probably only did the body fat cutting routine for a short period of time. i think that it's reasonable that he could have done this without the use of steroids (for what it's worth, the guy on that blog agrees with me). what do you think? steroids or no steroids? (it must be noted here that the guy on that blog pointed out that bale is an extreme method actor and would probably not have done steroids if his character wouldn't have done them- making it less likely that he did use them. i think that this is a sort of moronic explanation for why bale couldn't have used steroids, but whatever).

let's move on to a more clear-cut (no pun intended) case... Edward Norton. this is what he looked like in that whatever it was called richard gere movie. ONE MONTH LATER he began filming "American History X"

...and showed up looking like this. the man put on 40 pounds of sheer muscle (not to mention did the whole fat-burning, make you look cut thing) in a mere 30 DAYS!

now, according to my research, this is not physically possible without the use of steroids. it just can't happen. he claims that he worked out every single day and ate... blah blah blah... it's bullshit. the man was on the juice. there's no doubt about it. we've already established that you can't gain more that 6-8 pounds of muscle in a month (again, there's a surge at the beginning, so we'll give him an extra 5 pound of muscle in that time period- which is being generous) and say that it was possible for him to have gained around 13 pounds of muscle in that period of time. this does not include the time that it would have taken him to de-bulk and lose the fat that would have been required to put on the muscle in the first place so that he could look all cut up. so, what do you think? juice or no juice? i say that there's no argument. somebody was sticking needles in eddie's ass (and not in a good way).

ok, let's move on to someone who that blogger guy SWEARS is juiced out, but i think he's full of crap... the Madge herself. first of all, i want everyone to recall that for the last 20 some-odd years madonna has been a work out freak!! she's totally all yogaed out (not to mention she does pillates and strength training and cycling and god only knows what else). let's also recall that even in the 80s when she was softer, she was never THAT soft. the woman's a dancer. she's always had a good bit of muscle mass and has always been thin. now, this blogger guy swears she's on the juice. this is the 'before photo' that he says clinches his argument. for one, i would like to say that if he honestly thinks that this magazine cover hasn't been airbrushed to hell, he's on something (and it ain't juice). i would also like to point out that it's been well over 20 years that took madonna from her 'like a virgin' body to...

this hard body. we all remember that movie she made with rupert 'angry queen' everett (sp?). she looked totally toned in that movie. i think a lot of people underestimate the muscle building power of yoga (and on an already slim frame, well...)
i don't think madge is on the juice at all. i think she's hyper-skinny. i think she dances and works out for hours upon hours a day and that she eats a ridiculous macrobiotic diet that keeps her very thin and keeps her body fat super low so that her muscles really show. again, let's recall that it's been over 20 years since her not at all out of shape (soft, but still muscular body) went from 'lucky star' to what you see above. that's plenty of time to put on tons of muscle (and to lose tons of body fat). i think we all know that this would-be brit is totally ocd and works out like a maniac. yeah, she's muscular, but it's not like she's body builder muscular. she's just lean muscle. that's not juice, that's money and lots of time on your hands. so, what do you think here? juice or no juice?

ultimately, i think it's up to everyone (other than athletes, that i think is not cool) to decided if they should take steroids or not. i think it's a stupid choice, but i've stood by and watch people make worse ones. BUT, if celebrities are now using steroids to bulk for films or whatever i think it's a slippery slope. do we really need one more thing to look at them about and ask ourselves, 'why do i not look like that?'. i think that if they're juicing, they should come out and say it, so that at least we know why we can't put on 40 pounds of muscle in a month (then again, that might be dangerous and lead to a whole bunch of kids going out and following suit!). oi, what a dilemma! what do you think? should they tell the truth? are they on it or aren't they? you be the judge...

how to uglify your house.

2008-05-18T04:55:00.004-05:00

this will be a short post. it's 4:56am. gavin's alarm clock woke me 20 some odd minutes ago and i couldn't go back to sleep. i tried. nothing. i thought to myself, "bathroom, coffee, cigarette, computer. will feel better." so, in that order, i proceeded to (sort of) wake up. then my home page (msn) came up and i was faced with the headline, "How to de-80's your house", which i think is a good idea. what i think is a bad idea, however, is their suggestion that you replace possibly very ugly (i'm thinking circa 'Miami Vice') with even worse. all i have to say is that if your options are between something out of an A-Ha video and this... NO!! stick with A-Ha. that guy was kind of cute and it least your 80s house doesn't look like a My Little Pony and a Carebear had a fight to the death in it and the both ended up exploding all over the walls, curtains, asinine number of throw pillows, and anything else that was within hitting distance. and, oh yeah, that plant is SO going to die. it's in a corner! plants need light (even hanging ferns). what the hell have these people been smoking?
maybe if i smoke some i will be able to get back to sleep and i'll have lollipop dreams...

is anyone else feeling a little glam today? do you think you can handle it?!?!?

2008-05-16T10:13:00.002-05:00

just cus i want to!!!
and only the best will do!!!

want some more, do you? ok then, we'll mix it up a little (while still being fabulously glam!!)

some british telly for yous...

2008-05-10T10:55:00.004-05:00

since the last post i decided that you all might enjoy a few youtube excerpts from some of the shows i mentioned...

here's one from still game (my favorite scottish show)-

now how about something from the young ones-

maybe some fawlty towers?

how about blackadder?

maybe some black books?

yes, prime minster for you m'lords-

father ted (am i still on this fecking island?!?)-

bottom (another classic from those young ones boys)-

i'm alan partridge-

and finally a bit of coupling-

happy viewing!! hope it's not too much- feel free to take them in slowly. revel in the british humo(u)r!!!

Britain's best sitcoms (according to me)

2008-05-09T05:33:00.010-05:00

so, yesterday meeg drew my attention to this list on wikipedia that has a list of the 100 greatest sitcoms that britain has ever produced. the list is totally bunk. it's got it alllll wrong. at first we were both aghast that monty python's flying circus and the fast show we're on it, but then we decided to forgive that as they probably don't really qualify as sitcoms. so, in true nicole, 'i'm right and you're wrong' spirit, i have decided to make up my own list of the best british sitcoms (don't worry, mine will be MUCH shorter).
the other thing is that my list is going to be in no particular order (you can't ask me to pick which is better, blackadder or the young ones! that's just not fair!!).
ok, so here we go...

1) the young ones- i'm starting with this one because for many of us (myself included) this was my true entre into the world of the british sitcom. it's sheer genius. rik mayall and adrian edmonson are brilliant and there are just too many classic one-liners to even begin to mention them ("vegetable rights and peace!").

2) black books- i'm opting to put this one so high up on the list (even though it's in no particular order) because i can't get enough of this show. i can watch it over and over again and never tire of it. dylan moran (the star and writer of the show is sheer genius- i have a feeling i'll be using that word a lot in this post- and he's just the funniest guy around. you may know him from all of the simon pegg movies (who, incidentally, does a cameo on black books) like 'shaun of the dead'). it's about this mad, drunk, chain smoking irishman and his two ridiculously messed up cohorts who run this bookshop in london. it has great jokes and one-liners that can be texted back and forth with meeg for years and never lose their comedic appeal ("no, i'm not gay. i thought you were, actually." "yeah, so did i, until i found out about the prohibitive standards of hygene and all that dancing!"). anyone who hasn't seen black books should rush out and see it right away. it's really a new (ish) british sitcom classic.

3) fawlty towers- no list of great british sitcoms would be complete without fawlty towers. it is the original, the best, the funniest. if you doubt this for even one second, go and watch the episode with the germans. when you're done wiping the tears of laughter from your face you can call me and apologize for ever having doubted me. john cleese really uses everything in his bag of tricks in this series. he does his sarcastic and intelligent humo(u)r, he acts like an ass, he does the silly walks, he goes into full blown panic mode in the way that only he can do, and he is just all around hilarious. granted, i would never stay in his hotel, but i love watching what happens when people do.

4) blackadder (all four series)- this show is brilliant on so many levels. firstly, the cast of characters that appear on the show are astounding. you have rowan atkinson, of course, miranda richardson, hugh laurie, rik mayall, stephen fry, and many other fabulous british comedic actors. secondly, each series (there are four) are set in different time periods. the first is set during the reign of richard III, the second is set during the reign of Elizabeth I, the third during the regency of Price George, and the forth is set during WWI (this is the one that is actually the most poigniant and kind of sad as it shows what life would have been like in the trenches. it is, of course, told in a comedic way, but it's underlying theme is quite heartbreaking to watch). the main character, blackadder, is constantly forced to deal with idiots throughout history (presumably, the series follows the blackadder family, which is a bit of mystery as all of the characters always die at the end of each season- so how is blackadder reproducing?). his (or he and his decsendants) are always sharp witted and intelligent (and sarcastic in the extreme), and it is just one of the most fantastic shows that there is.

5) yes, minister/ yes, prime minister- one wouldn't think that this show would work as well as it does. it's such heavy political humor that you'd think it would be dry and almost incomprehensible (unless you have a very clear understanding of the inner workings of british politics), and yet somehow the writers were able to create a funny and engaging show about civil servants, mps, and prime ministers that is very heavy handed in terms of political comedy and make it totally accessible at the same time. you can start watching it without a single iota of knowledge about british politics and still find it extraordinarily funny. nigel hawthorne as sir humfrey appleby is one of the great comedic characters of all time. the show really highlights the ineptitude of government officials (an episode springs to mind in which the prime minister, the right honorable james hacker, played by paul eddington and his principal private secretary, bernard wooley, played by derek fowlds, are searching on a globe for 'st george's island'. one of the foreign secretaries has to point out to them where it is. they speculate that there would be trouble if the russians ever tried to invade st george's island and the foreign secretary points out that they wouldn't as the americans have a permanent fleet stationed in the big blue patch the surrounds the island. as hacker and wooley glare at the globe in a vain attempt to figure out what the big blue patch is the foreign secretary says in a very snide voice, "it's the indian ocean"). the shows political insight is fabulous and the insanity that always insues is fabulous. i would highly recommend the episode, 'the key'. it is one of the best.

6) father ted- what is there to say about father ted? it's one of the best shows ever (i suppose all of these shows are). it's the story of three priests who live on an island off the coast of ireland and have ridiculous madcap adventures. there's ted, the main priest, who is sensible and intelligent, if not a little ridiculous. there's dougal, who's just a complete idiot, and then there's father jack, who is and has been drunk for as long as anyone can remember (there's one episode in which he actually sobers up. as soon as sobriety hits he looks around and exclaims, "am i still on this fecking island?!?"). it is a constant barrage of criticism of organized religion, and the catholic church especially. there are classic lines like when dougal says, "you're not meant to take it seriously are you, ted?" "you're not meant to take what seriously, dougal?" "you know, heaven and hell and everlasting life." "you are SO meant to take it seriously, dougal!!" and then with a dumbfounded look on his face dougal replies with a, "NO!!". it's sheer comic genius. if it weren't for the sad passing of dermot morgan, who played father ted, i'm sure that we would have many more seasons of this fabulous show to enjoy. as a footnote, i would like to mention that one of the writers of father ted was graham lineham, who also co-wrote black books with dylan moran. obviously the man's got talent.

i think that's about enough for now, although i would like to give out some honorable mentions to some shows that really do deserve a place on this list and that i would write about if i weren't bored of this subject already.

7) bottom- with the same guys who did the young ones

8) red dwarf- sci-fi show meets comedy. can't beat it.

9) men behaving badly- ok, can be totally ridiculous sometimes, but all in all it's a funny show.

10) coupling- british audiences hated this show. i LOVE LOVE LOVE it (as does meeg). jeff is maybe the best comedic character ever in the history of comedy (maybe that's overstating it a bit). it's friends meets seinfeld meets sex in the city meets something you've never seen. watch it!! it's a must!

11) i'm alan partridge- takes a bit of getting used to, but when you warm up to it, it really is a funny show.

12) the office- need i say more?

13) spaced- the show by simon pegg (of 'shaun of the dead' fame). really funny, and if you like his movies, you'll like the show.

14) still game- the best of the scottish sitcoms. it's really one of my favorite shows of all times. if you can learn to understand the think glaswegian accents, you'll be laughing your ass off.

15) only fools and horses- one of the most popular british sitcoms of all time (i don't know one single brit who doesn't love it).

Big Easy Rollergirls

2008-05-04T12:19:00.017-05:00

so, a couple of weekends ago gavin and i went to the championship match of the 'big easy rollergirls'. i must say that i am now a roller derby convert. we went because my fab friend katie (from law school) skates for The Crescent Wenches and our bitchin' friend lauren (with whom gavin works) skates for The Confederacy of Punches. these are some bad-ass bitches. i would try to explain how the game is played, but that would be a feat that i don't think i could handle. suffice it to say, they beat the crap out of each other on skates while the fastest skater tries to lap members of the other team to score points. it's pretty damn brutal. if you get the chance to check out some roller derby i highly recommend it (i mean, come on, can you beat women in tight clothes and fishnets beating the crap out of each other on roller skates? i don't think so!!).

by the by, katie (aka Louise ze Animal) and Lauren (aka Cheap Thrill) are the best skaters they have. they totally kick ass and (even though they're on seperate teams) they are my absolute heros!! keep kickin' ass ladies!!

here's some stuff and pics about my two girls--

Cheap Thrill

Skate name: CHEAP THR!LLNumber: #40 oz. Hometown: NOLA (by way of transplant)Team: Confederacy of Punches (how deep?)Position(s): Powerblocker/Comic ReliefSkate size (men's): 8

Honorable injuries: Quadruple Tib/Fib ankle fracture with peek-a-boo bone feature. All the rage in early 2007! More recently, an intense impact to the right knee, which resulted in a large smiley face bruise and a traumatized bursa named Gregory.Notable tattoos: One green spiral. Small and half-faded, rarely seen.Unusual talent(s): I am nothing, if not an entertainer. I also hold the current title of league beer shotgun champion.

Most (in)famous for: Being the first Big Easy Rollergirl ejected from a bout. Also well known for being Membership Manager/Attendance Hard Ass, the Penalty Wheel Mistress, a committed vegetarian, and for saying and doing whatever is currently on my mind due to an apparent lack of impulse control.Awards (2006/2007 Fleur de Wheelies):• Rah-Rah Award: Best League Spirit • Nom de Pummel Award: Rollergirl Most True to Her Name.Item always in skate bag: An amalgamation of things both necessary and otherwise. I rarely clean out my bag.

"If I wasn't in roller derby I would be.....": still waiting to live in a place with a roller derby league I could join. It was only a matter of time and couldn't feel more right. That's why I keep coming back after injuries. It's my destiny!

Motto: Reject the popular idea of how things are supposed to be and explore life for yourself. There are no guarantees in this world, so be happy and have fun...just not at the expense of others' well-being.

Drum Roll Please for my main girl...

Louise ze Animal- Skate Name: Louise ze Animal Number: 42 usc § 1983 Hometown: N'awlins. And H-town. (That's "Hammond," yo.) Team: Crescent Wenches, BERG All-Stars Position(s): PivotSkate size: 7 (men's)

Honorable injuries: Scar on my left thigh from reccurring rink rash. Giant creature/callous on my right foot. Scar on my right ankle where my first pair of skates-

cheap ones- took a bite out of my foot. While jamming as a sub for the Villains, I got a bone bruise to my knee. Oh, and at boot camp I sustained shoulder socket bruises, as a byproduct of the first time I was ever hit

by Cheap Thrill. Luckily, none of these has been career-threatening. Notable tattoos: I have an invisible tattoo of "Crescent Wenches" across my heart. Unusual talent(s): Changing clothes while driving. I'm a harried, mobile Clark Kent. I also can talk like Bill Cosby on "Bill Cosby Himself," when he gets the injection at the dentist's office.

Most (in)famous for: Pointy shoulders. I sharpen them. Awards: No BERG awards. I am angling for "Skater With Most Spirited Fans," because Momma Animal constructed about 40 pom poms in Wenches blue and pink. Lacy Underalls is giving me a run for this award. Item always in skate bag: about 5 mismatched filthy socks, and some lamb's wool.

"If I wasn't in roller derby I would be.....": Very sad. And overweight. Motto: "Don't judge me by my size because I will take you out at the knees." - Bert Spahr.

Keep on rockin ladies!!! Next season it's all the way!!

Love you both!!

Support local roller derby!!

let's talk strawberries...

2008-04-17T03:57:00.014-05:00

strawberry fest goodness for everyone!!! woohoo!!!

although this happened ages ago i thought that i would share something relevant to life in new orleans (well, louisiana, anyway). a few saturdays ago gavin, stephanie, nick, and little ol' me went to the strawberry festival in ponchatoula, louisiana. although it was hot as hell, a good time was had by all. we had all of the alcoholic strawberry concoctions one can imagine (and then some), not to mention some fried food, food on a stick, and food that we just stared at wondering if people really ate that crap. we played some carnival games, wandered around, i got an airbrush tattoo of a fleur de lis (cus really i just want to be like meeg- :P ), and I rode roller coasters (because the three other adult i was with were just too scared to ride them- note in the photo that the kid i'm sitting next to can't be older than 7 and then think of the 3 30 year olds standing on the ground watching!). it was fab fab fun and here are some pics for your enjoyment!

the dilletante's guide to sounding well read

2008-04-12T06:34:00.014-05:00

as many of you may know from reading meeg's 'too much information', he and i have been having this ongoing conversation about books that everyone claims to have read, but no one has actually read them. these are the books that i feel come up at some dinner party or something and everyone throws their opinion in about them. suddenly, you find yourself looking at these people and making bets with yourself about how few of them have ever even seen the book, much less read it. so, i've come up with a list of books that i think everyone claims to have read, but probably has not, and i am here to provide a brief cliff-note like discussion of them so that next time you find yourself at that dinner party people will be thinking that you are one of the few who has ACTUALLY read the book.

1. The Stranger by Albert Camus- now, the reason i've picked this one is because a) it's one of my personal faves and b) i think that it's a good entre into any discussion being had about existentialism. the story is about a man named meursault (which no one will remember- i've read the book a dozen times and i just had to look up his name). the book primarily deals with the theme of morality and guilt. through this weird and random series of events (having to do with a jilted lover, a neighbor, a knife fight, and the glare of the sun on the beach) meursault ends up shooting an arab man (this would be a good time to mention the cure song, 'killing an arab'. this way you not only sound well read at your dinner party, but cool as well). much of the novel takes place during meursault's trial and while he sits in his cell awaiting execution for his crime. to really discuss the novel in a way that makes it seem as if you've read it when you haven't, you must discuss the emphasis placed on meursault's actions at his mother's funeral at the beginning of the book. this is not only discussed at length at the start of the novel, but it is a primary focus of the trial (the prosecution feeling that his lack of emotion at his own mother's funeral showing his absolute lack of compassion and his true nature).

when discussing the meaning of The Stranger, rather than the text, it's key to discuss the fact that it is a book about the absurd. for Camus (and most of his characters) there is no truth other than the truth that they experience themselves (only the visceral is true- this is why the only thing that is really of consequence in the murder is the fact that it was ultimately caused by the sunlight shining in his eyes). to truly discuss Camus (when talking about The Stranger or pretty much any of his other works) you really must discuss his notions of morality. yes, he was a believer in the absurd, and most of his works revolved around this idea- but, more importantly, he believed in morality in the absense of divinity. this is what most people seem to miss out on when talking about Camus. there are those who say that he was agnostic, others say he was an athiest. he spent little time actually discussing this. we do know that he didn't subscribe to any particular religious beliefs. regardless of this, he believed that we are all responsible for our actions not because God has told us what to do or not to do, but because we are the ones who control our destiny and are responsible for our actions.

now, you can take this in any direction that you like. you're at your dinner party and you've shown that you know the basic plot line, the underlying philosophical themes and now you can start a discussion about morality (which is what Albert would have wanted). those around you will now not only think you've read The Stranger, but will think that you have a handle of Camus' particular brand of existentialist thought.

2. The Bell Jar by Syliva Plath- ahh, every teenage angsty girl's bedside bible. for some reason i feel like most men haven't read this book (and even half of the women who said that they read it as kids really didn't read the whole thing). our main character is ester greenwood, who is from suburban boston. at the beginning of the novel she goes to new york to work for a magazine (if i remember correctly it's nothing but an internship- whatever the case, it's a temporary assignement). i also forget what magazine it is- it might not even be mentioned, come to think of it, but the implication is that it's a prominent one, something like vogue or bazzar. she is totally entreanced by new york, by the people she meets (especially these two young womawn, on opposite sides of the spectrum- one whose hedonism and "modern" ideas about what is acceptable really appeal to ester, and another whose piety and restraint ester identifies with). it is also in new york that she acquires her benefactor (benefactress?), philomena, who is a successful writer.

the real meat of the story comes when ester goes home after her time in new york. new york was a lot for her to cope with, and it has left her pretty drained. she applies for a scholarship to do a writing course, but is rejected. her whole idea of self has revolved around her academic career (and here begin the real and undeniable parallels to plath's own life). now that she finds herself facing that which she dreads most (living the suburban life as wife and mother- the standard issue role for women of the day) she starts to become very depressed. her mother sends her off to see a psychiatrist, who gives her electoshock therapy (never a good sign). ester hates this analyst and refuses to go back. her mother assumes that this is because she's now ok, but in fact, ester's mental state is deteriorating. she tries a number of times to kill herself, and finally (in the most dramatic parallel to plath's own life) leaves a note that says she's going out for a bit, climbs under the house with a bottle of pills that had been given to her for her insomnia and takes them all. it is quite a while before she is found, but she is still alive. she is sent to another 'institution' and this time meets a therapist whom she likes. she is again treated with electroshock therapy (which is administered correctly this time) and says in the narrative that she feels that this has lifted 'the bell jar' of her depression that she had been trapped under. it's a good time to note here that this stay in the institution is paid for by her aforementioned benefactress. the novel ends with what is assumed to be ester's final interview at the hospital, the one that will determine if she is ready to leave. the interview is never revealled, and the novel ends with ester entering the room to speak with her doctor about her being discharged.

i really do think that, as the novel itself is really not that complex a narrative, the most important thing for any dilletante discussing this book at some dinner party is the fact that so much of it is a direct parallel to sylvia plath's life. sylvia herself did crawl underneath her parent's house and take a bunch of sleeping pills. she was found something like four days later, and was on the verge of death. ester's own identity being wrapped up in her academic pursuits also parallels plath's life, as plath was scholar who studied in england (where she would meet her husband, ted hughes). famously, plath did take her own life, having published only 'the bell jar' and the collection of poems, 'the colossus' in her lifetime. she did leave behind another collection of poems, 'ariel' (arguably her greatest work) which was edited and published by her estranged husband, the poet ted hughes.

3. The Count of Monte Cristo by Alexandre Dumas- this is one of those books that everyone claims to have read as there are so many film versions. problem with this is that there is only one version that is even remotely faithful to the actual novel. that version is the 1,000 hour gerard depardieu (sp?) version. it is one of my favorites, but the plot is infinitley complex. the story begins with our hero, edmond dantes, who is a sailor on board a merchant ship. he is engaged to the love of his life, mercedes. somehow this gentle soul makes many enemies (most of them are envious of his postion, some hate him because they think that he has knowledge that would incriminate them). the captain of his ship has a missive that he gives to dantes directly before his death that involves rescuing napoleon from elba and restoring him to power. his chief rival, mondego (who is jealous of dantes' relationship with the captain and who is also in love with mercedes), finds out what is in the letter (dantes is unaware of what it says), and reports him to the very influential villefort. problem is, the letter was written by villefort's estranged father. a number of other people are dragged into the conspiracy and dantes is sent away to the prison, chateau d'if (from which no one has ever escaped). dantes has no idea why he is being sent there and his close friends and family (mercedes, his father, and his benefactor) also have no idea why he's really been sent there. dantes has done nothing wrong and he is imprisoned to save or advance the reputations of a number of his 'enemies'.

while in prison (he remains there for many years) he meets a man named the abbe faria. they begin a close friendship while they try to dig their way out of the prison. the abbe is a very learned man and teaches dantes many things (including the art of warfare, how to read, many languages, and more besides). after many years of digging, they realize that they have dug the tunnel to an inside wall and all hope of escape is lost. before his death the abbe tells dantes of this vast treasure on the island of monte cristo. he makes dantes memorize the map and they come up with a plan that will allow the young(ish) man to escape. on the night that the abbe dies, dantes enters his cell through the tunnell they have dug out and places the abbe's body in dantes' own cell. dantes then returns and climbs into the abbe's body bag. assuming that the body is that of the abbe, the guards throw it out into the ocean. dantes cuts himself loose with a knife that he had fashioned and floats along until he is rescued by a group of pirates. he spends time working on the boat in return for passage to the island of monte cristo. when he arrives there he finds the treasure that the abbe told him about. he gathers some money and prepares his revenge.

his travelling companions take him back to marsailles where he rents a large boat and returns to monte cristo. he spends 9 years in marsailles, now calling himself 'the count of monte cristo', and plots his revenge agaist those who had him imprisoned. his ordeal in prison has made him unrecognizable and he easily gets away with pretending to be someone else.

he spends years methodically rewarding those who were faithful to him and punishing those who were not (he takes away that which those who betrayed him hold most dear. he takes away mondego's money and mercedes- who ended up marrying him. he exposes villefort's bonapartist roots, etc).

one of the most important things to discuss when talking about the count of monte cristo is the anger and resentment that builds while he is in prison and the fact that it takes him decades to come to the realization that revenge didn't really make him any happier. in the end he lets mercedes and her son go without any sort of retribution and dantes runs away with his slave girl who he has fallen in love with.

a good way to tell if someone hasn't read the book and only seen the movie is to ask a) if mondego's son is actually the son of dantes and b) if mercedes and dantes end up together. if they say yes to either of these questions they HAVE NOT read the book, they have only seen the movie. hollywood decided that it was a happier ending if all ended well with dantes and mercedes. alas, dumas felt differently and all of the surviving parties (and those who aren't in prison) go their separate ways. it's not a hollywood happy ending, but it is a happy ending nonetheless.

it's quite a long book, and it's very complex in terms of plot and the sheer number of characters, but it's certainly worth a read.

4. Lolita by Vladamir Nabokov- ok, everyone's seen the film (i hope). i must say that it's a pretty good representation of the novel (as Nabokov was contstanly on set and advised Kubrick throughout filming). This is one of my favorite novels and i must recommend it to anyone who hasn't read it. the main thing that i want to point out about this book/film is that the film doesn't do humbert humbert justice. yes, humbert is a pedophile who is in love with a 12 year old girl, but what the film doesn't properly convey is that humbert is actually a sympathetic character (in as much as pedophiles can be). lolita is not the innocent child that the film portrays her to be (she does show her true colors towards the end of the film, but it's clear throughout the book that she's a little vixen and he falls prey to her sexual advances). it's obvious throughout the book that she knows what she's doing. she seduces humbert in no uncertain terms. he tries to resist for quite a long time until finally giving into his natural (albeit deviant) tendencies). even when humbert essentially kidnaps lolita and takes her on the long and winding road trip lolita is constantly sleeping with another older gentleman, quilty. she eventually escapes humbert to go and live with quilty. in a jealous rage humbert kills quilty and is sent to jail for it.

when discussing the book, the most interesting points are those that i have mentioned- humbert as a sympathetic character. a deviant who does what he can to avoid his natural tendencies, but ultimately is too weak to resist them. another good talking point is the 'innocent' lolita. did she know what she was doing? i, for one, say that she knew what she was doing from the start. in a discussion setting this could easily lead to a debate about pedophilia and how it manifests itself. how much temptation can a pedophile take? is it his fault that he is a pedophile? the questions are endless.

beyond all of these questions and debates, it is undeniable that this book has the most amazing opening of any book that i have ever read. it is sheer genius. the book is worth reading for the opening alone...

"Lolita, light of my life, fire of my loins. My sin, my soul. Lo-lee-ta: the tip of the tongue taking a trip of three steps down the palette to tap, at three, on the teeth. Lo. Lee. Ta.
She was Lo, plain Lo, in the morning, standing four feet ten in one sock. She was Lola in slacks. She was Dolly at school. She was Dolores on the dotted line. But in my arms she was always Lolita.
Did she have a precursor? She did, indeed she did. In point of fact, there might have been no Lolita at all had I not loved, one summer, a certain initial girl-child. In a princedom by the sea. Oh when? About as many years before Lolita was born as my age was that summer. You can always count on a murderer for a fancy prose style.
Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, exhibit number one is what the seraphs, the misinformed, simple, noble-winged seraphs, envied. Look at this tangle of thorns."

5. Darkness at Noon by Arthur Koestler- i fucking hate this book, but i felt like i should probably discuss it. the novel is set during the stalinist purges and moscow show trials. it's the story of one of the men who helped create the regeim who is then persecuted for no reason in particular (in a very stalinist fashion). it actually does a really good job of conveying the fear and uncertainty of the era. as it was published while the whole stalin being a bastard thing was still going on koestler had to escape to england to avoid persecution.

if you know anything about stalinist russia, you pretty much know the story. man who is high up in government, stalin (who isn't named) becomes paranoid that he's up to something, he's tried, imprissoned, and undergoes horrible torture, etc. it really is a good portrait of the horrors that took place while stalin was in power.

now, for the reasons that i hate this book. firstly, there are a couple of female characters, but they are reduced to personalityless pieces of meat. there is one scene in particular during which the protagonist doesn't even mention the woman's name or face, he is simply fixed on her legs and on her as a sex object. in fact, all of the women in the novel are nothing but sex objects. they are nameless, faceless, and meaningless other than their value as objects of sexual attraction. the other reason why i hate this book (and the bastard who wrote it) stems from the time he spent in exile in england. he was quite famous in england, as his book is considered one of the greatest books of all time. years after his death a young man decided to write a biography on koestler. it was known that koestler was friends with a former candidate for prime minister, a one mr. foot. at one point in his interview with mr. foot and his wife the interviewer was left alone with mrs. foot. she took the opportunity to inform the interviewer that arthur koestler had raped her years before. naturally, the interviewer was shocked and asked if he could publish this information. mrs. foot gave him permission to do so. as soon as this information became public, women came out of the woodwork claiming that koestler had raped them, too. these were all respectable, society women who would have no reason to lie about this, and it was well documented that koestler spent time with all of these women. in the end it came out that he had raped dozens of women in the time that he was in england. i only learned of this fact after i had read the novel. when i went back and read it again it became clear that these women had to be telling the truth. in all of koestler's work women are nothing but sex objects. apparently, he not only wrote about this fact, but he lived his life as if it were true.

in any discussion of this novel one must, of course, discuss the stalinist purges and how awful they were, but must also discuss the horrors of koestler's personal life. discussion of this novel can and will inevitably lead to many questions. here are a few to get you started...

can a novel truly represent reality if only one sex is represented?

should his treatment of women in 'darkness at noon' affect the general opinion of the book?

can an artist's work and the artist's life be separated? should we judge the art alone or should we take his personal life into consideration when judging the work of art?

so so so so... there are my 5 books and discussion topics. love them or hate them, this should give you plenty to talk about at your next dinner party (and be pretty convincing if you want people to not only think you've read the books, but that you've given them lots of thought as well).

enjoy!!