Oh Academy... way to prove me right

in response to meeg's comment on my last post i have to say that it's a crime that cate blanchett and tilda swindon (meeg, didn't we discuss that somehow they're like 2 sides of the same coin and that it's a weird superman/clark kent thing with them?) are in the

horror film, 'the curious case of... oh, sorry, even the title makes me fall asleep'. they're both so good in so many other things (although i do feel like tilda has a slightly greater propensity to be in questionable things-- 'michael clayton' springs to mind).

also, i'd like to bring up the fact that my boss told me today that he really liked benjamin button and when i said that it was like 'forrest gump' only slower, longer and more painful he responded with, "that's why it was great! it was like 'forrest gump' meets 'titanic'". i don't think that i needto say anything else there. if you feel like you'd enjoy the celluloid bastard love-child of 'titanic' and 'forrest gump' then 'the curious case of benjamin button' is for you. if the thought of that makes you want to stab your eyes out with the needles used for any one of saint angie's tats then don't see it.

i also feel vindicated that i wrote this (and said, 'shame on you, academy!!') the day BEFORE the noms came out and then 'curious case' was nominated for everything from 'best douche in a leading role' to 'douchiest screenplay'. i just KNEW that they would end up rewarding this fuckery. oh, and for nominating angiblahina for best actress, too. if she wins i think it's one of the

signs of the coming of the apocalypse.

i do have to say that the only thing that really saves the academy this year is the fact that they have actually recognized the greatness of 'slumdog millionaire' and its director danny boyle (whose body of work is just plain amazing).

Academy and Hollywood Foreign Press, you are both dead to me now.

ok, so i had a conversation before the golden globes with meeg in which i stated that if angelia joile won best actress for 'the changeling' that i would write a blog post entitled, 'hollywood foreign press, you are dead to me'. alas, she did not win. anne 'my ex-fiance's a felon and somehow i had no idea' hathaway did. i haven't seen 'rachel at the wedding' or whatever film it is that she won for but i have no doubt in my mind that it was better than 'the changeling' (not like i like little ms. anne. i actually DON'T like her- but i dislike angelia far more so all's well).

anyway, i'm off on a tangent here. i didn't write the post because, as i previously stated, angelina didn't win. and then just the other night i saw 'the curious case of benjamin button'. now, if you read this at all regularly then you know that i have a very odd relationship with brad pitt. i love him, i hate him, i'm indifferent towards him, i think he's an ass for leaving jen, i think he's just a man who fell in love, i think he's definitely not as attractive as people give him credit for and yet i will give him that his body rocks. what does not rock IN ANY WAY, SHAPE OR FORM is 'the curious case of benjamin button'. for the love of God, who greenlit this project? it was sort of like the thinking man's 'forrest gump' only it lasted for 732 years and it was less entertaining. it was chock-a-block full of one-liney life lessons, statements that you're meant to carry out of the theatre and hold to your breast as life changing affirmations about the beauty of the world and love and... pardon me, i'm about to be sick into my own scorn (thank you, bernard).

so i come to the reason why the academy and the hollywood foreign press are dead to me. angie and brad might not have won but they were both nominated. angie was nominated with the likes of (i love her) meryl streep ffs!! this implies to all that have not seen 'the changeling' that it was somehow good (and it was in NO way good). 'the changeling' wasn't even about what the trailers implied it was about and angie's performance was over the top (to say the least). she looks so terribly gaunt and skinny that it's disgusting and she's so caked in makeup (more than is necessary even given that it's a period piece and that the women of the time wore a lot of makeup) that it just ruins it more that i thought possible. then we have brad's little pet project that was nominated for just about everything (including best picture). given that it came out on christmas day and that most people haven't seen it yet, this implies to those who haven't that it might be worth seeing. these award shows and the people who do the nominations are playing right into brad and angie's hands. now people are going to waste their time seeing 'the curious case of why anyone thought it was a good idea to make this film'. as my friend kyle said as soon as the film was over, 'well, that's 3 hours of my life i'm never getting back'. and i saw it with allyson, gavin and kyle. between the 4 of us our tastes are pretty varied and cover just about every genre of film. had it been in any way good at least one of us would have stood up for it. there was not a voice in its favor amongst us. i'm even a big fan of movies (good or bad) that show a decent amount of new orleans scenery (take 'double jeopardy' for example. crappy ashley judd movie and yet i'll watch it to look at how badly they mess up the actual layout of new orleans. oh, don't even get me started about how in that movie 'deja vu' with denzel that there was actually a street IN the french quarter called 'king oak street' AND that there's a ferry explosion which kills like 700 people. have you ever been on the algiers ferry? MAYBE you could fit 100 people on there at a push... MAYBE. but i'll watch these films and enjoy the inaccuracies and it makes them worthwhile somehow). 'benjamin button' had none of this... it didn't even really show new orleans in any way that any of us know it (even remotely). it's all centered around this one house and then there are a few shots of the river that could frankly have been shot on any large river in the world. i suppose that the scenes in which he's riding his motorcycle to the lake are pretty clearly somewhere in new orleans although it could have been florida (if i didn't know better). so the movie was bad and it didn't even have the new orleans scenery that saves (to my mind) bad movies.

this whole thing with the hollywood foreign press and the academy saying that these movies (and performances) are worthy of standing side by side with meryl and 'slumdog millionaire' and all of these great movies and actors is just a farce. i have let myself believe, until now, that there was SOME rhyme or reason to their selections. now i see more than ever that it's the popularity contest that everyone has always told me it was. i see the light and because of this (because you said that angelina was even almost as good as meryl) i must say to you, hollywood foreign press and academy, you are dead to me.

ps. this totally doesn't mean that i won't still be watching to make sure that you commit no further atrocities.

Musings on love and leaving...

how can one be certain of love? love that is received, not given. it is not a question of what is in one's own heart and mind, that is for another day. it is a question of how one knows the hearts and minds of those around them. the love that you are given can seem like a fleeting thing-- when you question if their words are real, wonder why the phone rings with no answer, when you feel loneliness creeping up behind you...
it can all be abandoned and a new start can be made. but then how, if you love, can you not care if that love is returned? for what is love without its reciprocation? it is a hollow feeling, a state of unrequitedness that makes melancholy take up residence in your heart and soul.
i sit and wonder if they or she or he still love me, if they will love me when i am far away, if they will love me in 20 years. will we still be friends then? will we still be lovers? will all of those who i hold dear turn from me? will they be lost to me and i to them?
i dread the day when i know that all is lost. i feel it coming on, i feel it rushing towards me like the water from a levee breach. will i drown in the love that i still hold but that is no longer returned? will the heart of my heart break when i look around to see no one around?
my soul cries out, "of course it will! you can feel it coming, you know it will, it is the reason that these questions come to mind. you ask because you know the reality that the future holds. it is the fear of this reality that creates these questions. you think that if you ask that it will not happen. you cannot stop the future. your future cannot be avoided with mere musings."
i look out into the grey snowy monet of my future and i see the little house covered in snow. only the remembrances of love past make the fire burn to keep me warm enough to stave off freezing. in my chair i close my eyes, the love lights flicker as they sputter to nothing but a smoking ember and then so do i.

Oh Tim, What Am I Going to Do WIth You? CC: johnnydepp@piratesareprofit.com, helenabonhamcarter@ilookliketheguyifuck.com

Tim (Mr. Burton?),

we have a problem. it's not that i don't want to like you (i really, really do-- you look like robert smith, after all). it's just that, well, you think you're infallible now (and let me be the first to tell you that you're not). i can't even think of the last good movie you made. 'big fish' springs to mind but i really want to believe that you've made something worthwhile since then. you know, i just looked it up and you haven't. that's really sad. your last good movie was made in 2003. what the hell is going on? firstly, you need to stop working with your baby mama and johnny depp (man crush or no man crush, let him go, man!!). i'll give you that johnny was good in 'edward scissorhands' and 'ed wood' but there's just no excuse for 'sleepy hollow', 'charlie and the chocolate factory', 'the corpse bride' and 'sweeney todd'. and why would you put helena bonham carter into these movies? you turned her from the merchant-ivory beauty turned 'fight club' hotness into a wreck of a woman who looks more like you with every passing day (although she still looks way better than you). get it into your head, you ARE NOT robert smith. put down the hairspray and back away slowly. i'll give you your batman movies (even though the second one was dubious at best) but then you went and ruined it totally with 'mars attacks'. it's almost as if you can't make two good films in a row (or that for every one you make that's good you have to make two that suck. let's not even talk about 'planet of the apes' (which not even 'the nightmare before christmas can redeem). stop using the same actors! don't make musicals! go back to what you know. we liked the dark and brooding tim burton (but not the 'sleepy hollow' type of dark-- that just sucked). maybe even try heading away from that and make more stuff like 'big fish'. it was so good and such a departure from what you usually do. i think that your 'beetlejuice' days are behind you. find a new niche. really. we're sick of it and you're just ruining your reputation. i don't even want to know what you're going to do with 'alice in wonderland' (and as meeg said, 'i'll give you 1 guess as to what two actors are in it'). you make serious films, you're not simon pegg. stop casting the same wonky actors so that they can reprise their rubbishy roles over and over again. please, i once liked you and i think i could again. just turn a corner, see the light, use some different actors... something!! we want the old tim back! the one who entertained us, not the one who makes us groan when we hear he has a new movie coming out. think on it for a while and get back to me. it's not too late for you!! save yourself.



now johnny- you're fab. really, love your work. you've made some great stuff with tim but it's time to break away. he's killing you. 'sweeny todd' was terrible. you can do better than that and you know it. i don't know what's happened to you but you need to shape up. i know that you're best mates or whatever and it must be a blast working with him but if you want to retain a shred of your artistic integrity you MUST break away. go find an indie film by an unknown director and shine in the way we know you can.

helena- ugh, what can i even say to you. 'a room with a view', 'fight club', so many films that you were so wonderful in and then you shack up with tim and now you let him put you in any old thing. it's just not right. you're amazing. look in the mirror. i know you look like him but try and see the old helena. just because he's your baby daddy doesn't mean you have to be in his shitty films. shape up, woman! your career is headed in the same direction johnny's is... nowhere. you'll be lost in the quagmire that is tim burton and you'll never escape. go do a period piece. go do something edgy and cool like 'fight club'. hell, go do anything with a different co-star and director and i promise that you will find yourself again. if not for your sake then do it for ours. we hate to see this happen to you.
so please, all of you, go your own ways. find new and DIFFERENT projects. find different styles. you've hit the wall. it's time to move on and apart. i beg of you.

all my love,
nic