Hapy Mardi Gras, Kids!

while i sit in my house and lament the fact that i know nothing about my visa to the uk yet the rest of new orleans is out celebrating mardi gras. i might actually wander up to see rex so that IF i do get approved i can say that i didn't spend my entire last holiday season stressing and pouting.

wherever you are... when you get off of work go and have a few beers and yell at random strangers, 'throw me something'. be ready to duck though as they might throw bottles or other heavy things. also, try taking your top off and see what you get in exchange. unless you're somehow physically accosted i bet it would be better than plastic beads.

HAPPY MARDI GRAS!!!!

The Christians Are Taking Over... wait, didn't they do that already?

ok, so i was listening to npr on the radio on the way to work this morning (yes, on a saturday ) and they posed the question, 'what was the highest grossing independent film of 2008?'

like you (probably) my mind went straight to 'slumdog millionaire' (which if you haven't seen yet- stop reading this, leave the house immediately and get thee to a theater). apparently though we are wrong. the top grossing indie film of 2008 is a film that you've probably never even heard of (and if you have i have to wonder about you).

it's called, 'fireproof' and it was made by some group that calls themselves something like the independent christian film counsel. i did like that the commentator on npr said that this group of christians was 'drawing to maginot line between themselves and the hollywood and mainstream indie film worlds- don't being to ask me how indie films are mainstream... that's another post- i just like that he actually made reference to the maginot line which clearly isn't referred to enough). it should come as no surprise that teen heart-throb cum crazy christian zealot kirk cameron starred in this film (and if you haven't seen the thing about how the banana proves creationism then you're missing out on some REALLY good stuff-- view it here-- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aLqQttJinjo ).

so i have no idea what this film, 'fireproof' is about (other than that it's clearly about God and Christ...) but what i do know is that it was made for $500,000 (which is pretty impressive- although i haven't even seen a clip so the production value could be super crappy) and that it pulled in... wait for it... $33,000,000.00!!! wtf??!?! when it opened (in sept of 08, i think) it actually opened at 4th!! it beat out spike lee!

it also happens that i found out their secret to success (they're not shy about sharing it). they did sneak previews all over the country for ministers and pastors, etc who then went and told their congregations that they HAD to go see this film. and you know, when God tells you you have to see something you really have no choice. this seems like totally duplicitous marketing to me (it's like tithing, i feel) but it worked.

i think that we should all boycott these films (not like you were all running out to see them anyway) because of the dubious marketing tactics (and because, judging by the promo poster below they might actually make you ill.

MSN's love advice

so i fell asleep at about 7pm last night (the stress of waiting for my visa is really taking its toll) and ended up waking up at 3am. what better way to waste the 5 hours that i have before i have to leave for work than tooling around on the internet, right (even though that's half of what i do at work so it's almost like i'm already there-- just in pajamas)?
so i came across this little piece that had been written and posted on msn.com entitled, '18 ways to know your man still loves you'. i first wanted to say that if you have to look to msn to figure out if your boyfriend/husband still loves you then he probably doesn't. i read them and i have to say that i don't think that any of them are actually indicators of whether you are loved. the first one was something like, 'if you get into bed in shorts and a t-shirt he still thinks your cute'. who wrote this, tammy faye-baker (whatever her new married name is)? do we have to be dressed to the nines with make-up on for our significant others to find us attractive?

ok... i started this post in the wee early morning hours (as was previously stated...) and then forgot about it. suffice it to say, i found the list to be horrifying. it was so misogynistic and played to what men think women's worst fears are (he won't love me if i'm not plucked and shaved). it was disgusting.
i was going to go back just now and finish it but then i came across another 18 ways article on msn that has not piqued my interest. it's '18 ways to know you're elitist'. ok, so the first two are sort of wash. 1 is 'you don't speak like a normal person' and then he makes reference to sarah palin. i don't know if i speak like a normal person but i don't speak like her so i think i'm safe on that one.
2 was something about GOP leaders being elitist because they think that middle america prefers presidential candidates who sound like dumb-asses (this might be elitist on their part but i think bush proved that this was actually correct).
3- you're on a first name basis with the sushi chef at whole foods. ok, i am but that's because gavin works there. i think that they make rubbish sushi and would much rather go somewhere really good (does this make me even MORE of an elitist?).
4- you go to whole foods. ok, ok... back it up. everyone goes to whole foods. they have good produce and while they might be pricey sometimes people (especially veggies like me) are willing to pay the extra 20 cents to get a good tomato rather than a mealy one. i don't think it's elitist to want to be able to enjoy your fresh fruit and veg or to be able to buy oats in bulk (it's actually cheaper that way). i'm not talking about the $30 bottles of olive oil, either-- that IS pretension. i'm just talking about going in and getting a higher standard of quality. that's not being an elitist... it's being a foodie.
5- "Look at you, Mr. Fancypants, with your snobbish notion that not every piece of furniture in your bedroom must look like it came from the same 1978 Levitz fire sale." i must have missed that reference there as i just don't get it but it seems that he's saying that if you have taste in furnishings and don't want to sleep on ratty mattresses then you're an elitist. if this is the case then i'm happy to be guilty. just as your clothes are a reflection of your personality (meeg, don't even bring up derelicte!) so your furnishings are a reflection of who you are (if you can afford for them to be, at any rate). if you can make your home nice and comfortable and aesthetically pleasing then i don't understand why you wouldn't. this one just seems stupid.
6- here's where he brings up strap-ons. now i'm not shy but i'm not even going to begin to go into it and have NO clue how this relates to elitism.
7- hehe it's 'you know what a strap-on is. in a good way.' ok, fair enough. maybe by those standards i am an elitist (although i still don't get the correlation).
8- he goes off on hope and barack and then says, "Only elitist snobs know what "venerable" means. Or "acumen."'. i guess i'm guilty there, too.
9. i have to quote this one just for meeg and then i'll say no more about it... "When selecting an effective inebriant with which to numb if not completely drown the searing oatmealy dread that rumbles deep in your core after eight years of Bush and which has now been harshly rekindled by the offensive McPalin nightmare, you skip right past the beer and even the wine and go straight for the absinthe."
10- is a laundry list of things you might notice in a 'friend of a friend's home' when you go for a dinner party. apparently if you notice the stemware, art, or books on the walls you're an elitist. isn't that why art is there on the walls? to be noticed?
rather than list the rest and comment i'm just going to quote the ones that i actually think are funny...
14. You prefer spirituality to religion, fluid self-determinism to Biblical dogma, premium sake to sacramental wine, devising new sins instead of merely indulging the old ones, swallowing instead of spitting, back door to front, Shakti to Mary, and floating instead of kneeling.
15. You speak a foreign language. This implies you might understand something of the world, have an interest in a culture other than your own, or have perhaps even traveled to some exotic foreign land that isn't Texas or New Jersey or Hawaii, a place where they like weird cheeses and don't fear gay people and ride bicycles to the opera.
16. You recognize and appreciate more than 50 percent of the references and enjoy at least a quarter of the featured profiles in the New York Times Arts section. Also, you read the New York Times. Also, you read.
this one is pretty good-- 17. You are, for some godforsaken reason, absolutely convinced all the way down to your most profound sense of what is divine and truthful in this strangled world that violence and bloodshed are rarely the answer, that the irrefutable spiritual laws of the universe confirm that like attracts like and even at a quantum level there is a profound pull toward a divine, benevolent dynamic equilibrium, and therefore constructing a malicious national policy of torture and surveillance and pre-emptive aggression merely shames the better nature of the human animal and invites a particularly violent energy into the national bloodstream and poisons the human heart as it creates nothing but more turmoil and unrest and hate in the world. Man, only an elitist jerk would tolerate a ridiculous run-on sentence like that.
and... THE BEST ONE-- 18. Your most treasured pieces of writing don't feature Muggles, Hobbits, glossy centerfolds of Dale Earnhardt Jr., dogs named Marley, or an angry and omnipotent patriarch who demands unquestioning subservience and strict adherence to often cruel, arbitrary laws of behavior from on high, who forsakeths thou for months and years at a time and never writes or calls and then suddenly reappears without warning only to rain down hellfire and frogs and locusts and totally inconvenient plagues on everyone, and never even apologizes. And then you're supposed to feel all guilty? For like, 2,000 years? Whatever.

nice.

45 Things (that Meeg predicted I would fill out)

1. Do you like blue cheese? i do but i prefer softer, creamier cheeses

2. Have you ever smoked heroin? i plead the 5th

3. Do you own a gun? nope and never will

4. What flavor do you add to your drink at Starbucks? no starbucks for me, that might change when i live in a city that doesn't have so many indie coffee shops.

5. Do you get nervous before doctor appointments? only if i'm there because i think something's wrong. if it's just a check-up, no.

6. What do you think of hot dogs? they are meat so i don't eat them

7. Favorite Christmas movie? we were just talking about this the other day and now i totally can't remember... it was something really obscure... crap! i totally forget. i'll get back to you on this one.

8. What do you prefer to drink in the morning? coffee, always coffee

9. Can you do push ups? yes. how many is a different question...

10. What's your favorite piece of jewelry? i'd like to say that it's my wedding ring but it's probably the ring (that no longer fits me) that my mother gave me when i was about 11.

11. Favorite hobby? maybe writing (but i hope that that won't be a 'hobby' for long). maybe reading, taking photos... it's a mood thing, how can i have a fave?

12. Do you have A.D.D? nope. i know people who do and i certainly don't

13. What's one trait you hate about yourself? i'm going with meeg on this one and saying laziness.

14. Middle name? caroyln

15. Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment? i wonder when i'll hear about my visa, i can't believe i still have over an hour before i even START work, i hope this mardi gras is more fun than painful (ugh, the traffic!)

16. Name 3 things you bought yesterday? smokes, vegetarian grape leaves and a lebanese tea

17. Name 3 things you drink daily: coffee, water, tea (usually iced)

18. Current worry? moving and all that it entails (visa, money, getting there, visa, missing friends, who will visit, visa, will i miss new orleans terribly, visa...)

19. Current Dislike? uk visa services (for taking their dear sweet time!)

20. How did you bring in the New Year? gavin and i stayed in, made a nice dinner, cuddled up together and then passed out before 2 (we were both pretty ill)

21. Where would you like to go? the list is endless...

22. Name three people who will complete this. ok meeg, you got me. i did it. i don't think anyone else will. maybe kristen if she sees it.

23. Do you own slippers? yup, wear them all of the time.

24. What shirt are you wearing? white, torn up men's undershirt (still in my pj's).

25. [Missing apparently]

26. Favorite color? mood thing- usually grey though- or a light blue

27. Could you be a pirate? hmmm, i like the boats and the travel. not too fond of the not showering and the guns. scurvy and i don't really get along, either.

28. What songs do you sing in the shower? don't really sing in the shower unless i can hear music from the other room and then it's whatever's on

29. Favorite food? no faves, like all sorts... japanese, vietnamese, thai, italian, sometimes just plain ol' fresh fruit is just what the doctor ordered.

30. What's in your pocket right now? no pockets in my pjs.

31. Last thing that made you laugh? a text meeg sent me last night (ok, it was a chuckle- not a full on laugh but it counts)

32. Favorite sheets? the ones i lost in the storm

33. Worst injury you have ever had? probably the time i got a flat and the guy didn't put the jack on the car correctly. he walked away and i tried to put the tire on and the car fell, i was really badly bruised and cut from shoulder to elbow and it smashed my hand. was pretty bad, had to have x-rays (was just a mild fracture) and a tetanus shot and the bruising didn't go away for weeks. wish i had taken pics. it was grizzly.

34. Do you love where you live? very much, despite the hardships that come with it sometimes.

35. How many TVs do you have in your house? two (but one's really small and only gets turned on occasionally)

36. Who is your loudest friend? ohh, i don't know. lori can be pretty loud sometimes. i think everyone has their moments.

37. How many dogs do you have? None.

38. Does someone have a crush on you? for some reason i get asked out a lot at work. it's weird.

39. What are your favorite book(s): oh well, that's just impossible to answer. there are too many good ones! the 'dark is rising' sequence, 'his dark materials', 'lolita', 'invitation to a beheading', 'little, big' (that one's for you, meeg), the nesbit books, 'notes from the underground', 'the plague', 'the stranger', 'nausea'...really, this could go on forever.

40. What is your favorite candy? no idea. totally a mood thing.

41. Favorite Sports Water: i do like some of the vitamin waters. does that count? i don't drink them often but they're ok.

42. What songs do you want sung at your funeral? i am TOTALLY not jinxing myself by answering this... will also never answer the question, 'how do you want to be remembered?'. oh yeah, those are like the kiss of death.

43. What were you doing 12 AM last night? tossing and turning, trying to get to sleep.

44. What was the first thing you thought of when you woke this morning? damn, it's early and there's no way i'm getting back to sleep. ah well, i guess i'll just hop on the computer. i wonder if i'll hear about my visa today...

45. Favorite place to be? with friends and family (as long as everyone is having fun).

The Inside Scoop: Brangelina actually shop for themselves and they don't care if lowly supermarket workers have to come in early or stay late.

so i heard through the grapevine that at some point last week (so the story goes- and i got this from a good source) that in the wee hours of the morning whole foods market on magazine got a call from either st. angie herself or from one of the members of her army of assistants (i'm sure it was an assistant) saying that st. angie wanted to come in to get some schwag from whole foods but that (of course) she couldn't be arsed with dealing with the masses who would (naturally) follow her around and try to touch her so that whatever disease they might have would be instantly cured. ok, maybe her assistant didn't say that but it was said that st. angie COULD NOT mingle with the masses and demanded that whole foods open early for st. angie and ONLY st. angie. whole foods (for whatever reason) obliged and opened early. st. angie came in alone (gasp) and did her shopping and then left. (meeg said that he thinks she just couldn't be arsed waiting in line)

too sexy to mingle

it gets better...

later that day the very same whole foods got a call from sir brad saying that HE wanted some schwag from whole foods but that HE could not be arsed with the masses so could they stay open late so that he could walk around the store unmolested. yet again whole foods obliged and made their poor staff stay at work for an extra hour so that sir brad could wander around and buy the things that (inexplicably) his baby momma did not get for him while she was there earlier that same day.

too cool to mingle

what makes all this amusing (while not surprising) is that a-listers go into whole foods alllll the time. sean penn (love him or hate him) went in on a sunday no less (a crazy busy day) and no one bugged him in the least bit. drew brees (while not an international a-lister, is certainly HUGELY famous in new orleans) goes to whole foods on a weekly basis and even sits in the breezeway at the tables and eats lunch, sometimes staying for over an hour and nobody bothers him at all. some notable others that don't require such special treatment are- forrest whitaker, john c. reiley (who hilariously was in there, drunk, at 10am and knocked over an entire display of wine bottles, breaking them all over the floor), selma hayek, harry shearer (mr. burns), laurence fishburn, brittney murphy (although who would really go talk to her?), john goodman is in ALL of the time, james carvill goes in multiple times a week, minnie driver, lenny kravitz (who is apparently really picky about his water), harry connick jr (again, maybe not so internationally huge-- but locally ENORMOUS), the manning brothers (eli and peyton), and a bunch of saints players (like deuce and bush).

really what i'm getting at is why can brad and angie not shop with us, why don't they care if people with children have to work an hour later because they can't shop with the rest of us, why they both had to personally go in on the same day, making some people who were pulling doubles come in early AND stay late and why can they not only shop with us but why is it that the likes of sean penn and forrest whitaker can?

Thou shalt not question Stephen Fry