MSN's love advice

so i fell asleep at about 7pm last night (the stress of waiting for my visa is really taking its toll) and ended up waking up at 3am. what better way to waste the 5 hours that i have before i have to leave for work than tooling around on the internet, right (even though that's half of what i do at work so it's almost like i'm already there-- just in pajamas)?
so i came across this little piece that had been written and posted on msn.com entitled, '18 ways to know your man still loves you'. i first wanted to say that if you have to look to msn to figure out if your boyfriend/husband still loves you then he probably doesn't. i read them and i have to say that i don't think that any of them are actually indicators of whether you are loved. the first one was something like, 'if you get into bed in shorts and a t-shirt he still thinks your cute'. who wrote this, tammy faye-baker (whatever her new married name is)? do we have to be dressed to the nines with make-up on for our significant others to find us attractive?

ok... i started this post in the wee early morning hours (as was previously stated...) and then forgot about it. suffice it to say, i found the list to be horrifying. it was so misogynistic and played to what men think women's worst fears are (he won't love me if i'm not plucked and shaved). it was disgusting.
i was going to go back just now and finish it but then i came across another 18 ways article on msn that has not piqued my interest. it's '18 ways to know you're elitist'. ok, so the first two are sort of wash. 1 is 'you don't speak like a normal person' and then he makes reference to sarah palin. i don't know if i speak like a normal person but i don't speak like her so i think i'm safe on that one.
2 was something about GOP leaders being elitist because they think that middle america prefers presidential candidates who sound like dumb-asses (this might be elitist on their part but i think bush proved that this was actually correct).
3- you're on a first name basis with the sushi chef at whole foods. ok, i am but that's because gavin works there. i think that they make rubbish sushi and would much rather go somewhere really good (does this make me even MORE of an elitist?).
4- you go to whole foods. ok, ok... back it up. everyone goes to whole foods. they have good produce and while they might be pricey sometimes people (especially veggies like me) are willing to pay the extra 20 cents to get a good tomato rather than a mealy one. i don't think it's elitist to want to be able to enjoy your fresh fruit and veg or to be able to buy oats in bulk (it's actually cheaper that way). i'm not talking about the $30 bottles of olive oil, either-- that IS pretension. i'm just talking about going in and getting a higher standard of quality. that's not being an elitist... it's being a foodie.
5- "Look at you, Mr. Fancypants, with your snobbish notion that not every piece of furniture in your bedroom must look like it came from the same 1978 Levitz fire sale." i must have missed that reference there as i just don't get it but it seems that he's saying that if you have taste in furnishings and don't want to sleep on ratty mattresses then you're an elitist. if this is the case then i'm happy to be guilty. just as your clothes are a reflection of your personality (meeg, don't even bring up derelicte!) so your furnishings are a reflection of who you are (if you can afford for them to be, at any rate). if you can make your home nice and comfortable and aesthetically pleasing then i don't understand why you wouldn't. this one just seems stupid.
6- here's where he brings up strap-ons. now i'm not shy but i'm not even going to begin to go into it and have NO clue how this relates to elitism.
7- hehe it's 'you know what a strap-on is. in a good way.' ok, fair enough. maybe by those standards i am an elitist (although i still don't get the correlation).
8- he goes off on hope and barack and then says, "Only elitist snobs know what "venerable" means. Or "acumen."'. i guess i'm guilty there, too.
9. i have to quote this one just for meeg and then i'll say no more about it... "When selecting an effective inebriant with which to numb if not completely drown the searing oatmealy dread that rumbles deep in your core after eight years of Bush and which has now been harshly rekindled by the offensive McPalin nightmare, you skip right past the beer and even the wine and go straight for the absinthe."
10- is a laundry list of things you might notice in a 'friend of a friend's home' when you go for a dinner party. apparently if you notice the stemware, art, or books on the walls you're an elitist. isn't that why art is there on the walls? to be noticed?
rather than list the rest and comment i'm just going to quote the ones that i actually think are funny...
14. You prefer spirituality to religion, fluid self-determinism to Biblical dogma, premium sake to sacramental wine, devising new sins instead of merely indulging the old ones, swallowing instead of spitting, back door to front, Shakti to Mary, and floating instead of kneeling.
15. You speak a foreign language. This implies you might understand something of the world, have an interest in a culture other than your own, or have perhaps even traveled to some exotic foreign land that isn't Texas or New Jersey or Hawaii, a place where they like weird cheeses and don't fear gay people and ride bicycles to the opera.
16. You recognize and appreciate more than 50 percent of the references and enjoy at least a quarter of the featured profiles in the New York Times Arts section. Also, you read the New York Times. Also, you read.
this one is pretty good-- 17. You are, for some godforsaken reason, absolutely convinced all the way down to your most profound sense of what is divine and truthful in this strangled world that violence and bloodshed are rarely the answer, that the irrefutable spiritual laws of the universe confirm that like attracts like and even at a quantum level there is a profound pull toward a divine, benevolent dynamic equilibrium, and therefore constructing a malicious national policy of torture and surveillance and pre-emptive aggression merely shames the better nature of the human animal and invites a particularly violent energy into the national bloodstream and poisons the human heart as it creates nothing but more turmoil and unrest and hate in the world. Man, only an elitist jerk would tolerate a ridiculous run-on sentence like that.
and... THE BEST ONE-- 18. Your most treasured pieces of writing don't feature Muggles, Hobbits, glossy centerfolds of Dale Earnhardt Jr., dogs named Marley, or an angry and omnipotent patriarch who demands unquestioning subservience and strict adherence to often cruel, arbitrary laws of behavior from on high, who forsakeths thou for months and years at a time and never writes or calls and then suddenly reappears without warning only to rain down hellfire and frogs and locusts and totally inconvenient plagues on everyone, and never even apologizes. And then you're supposed to feel all guilty? For like, 2,000 years? Whatever.

nice.