Wednesday, December 17, 2008

The Scottish Breeding Program(me)

ok, so i've only just noticed this really bizarre thing. right now, there are 3 scottish actors (and sean connery totally doesn't count because a) where the hell is he? and b) he's so scottish that he's mildly off-putting even to scottish people) that are big, recognizable hollywood players. that's not the bizarre thing, though... wait for it...

so first we have my fave (as you all know) of the three...

james mcavoy. i heart james mcavoy. the eyes, the smile, the accent, the film choices. i really liked 'last king of scotland' and 'atonement'. there are tons of others that he did before that-- not to mention the first place i saw him (and the point at which i called that he was going to be a huge star-- a label which, if i happen to tag you with means that you WILL become an a-lister-- ask meeg about the harry potter/twilight guy and how i called that one, too) the television show 'shameless'. we all know what he looks like but we're coming to that...

then there's gerard butler. hot, yes. was in that weird '300' movie that i have yet to see because i really have no interest in watching semi-animated men fight for 2 hours, and 'p.s. i love you' which i did see and, well... there's just no excuse for. his mockery of an irish accent when he has a lovely mcavoy-esque glaswegian thing going on in real life (and just don't get me started on who on earth would want to be with the horse of a woman, can't fathom why she keeps winning oscars, annoying as hell hillary swank) and the whole premise make the thing unwatchable. i can't even think of what else he's been in but he's been linked with every starlet from travis barker's ho of an ex- what's her face blond woman- to poor cuckolded jenny aniston. we all know what he looks like, too. dubious film and sexual partner choices aside- he's pretty damn hot, too...

lastly we have the enigmatic ewan mcgregor. who doesn't love dear ewan. although where the hell has he been? is he still in hiding after george lucas raped him in the star wars prequels? or maybe it's just shame because now a couple of people have actually seen 'the island' and he never thought it would come to that. still, we forgive him those sins for the great gifts that he's given us; things like, 'trainspotting', 'big fish' (which i understand there's some debate about but i liked it), 'little voice', 'velvet goldmine', 'the pillow book'... i could go on (and i do understand that there are some sprinklings of crap in there as well but none are as bad as 'star wars' so if we can forgive that then we can forgive 'molin rouge'-- or can we?). i think that we can all agree that when he's on, he's on. i think that we can also agree that he is just undeniably hot. he's shorter and thinner than gerard butler (much more a mcavoy physique) but soooo sexy (totally different accent though as he's from perth and our other two boys are glaswegian). i think that we have all come to the opinion that he, like the other two aforementioned gentlemen, is hot...

now, here's where the freak show bizarreness enters.


why the hell do all three of them look so similar? and why is it that i didn't notice this until i saw little clips of bulter looking like mcavoy then mcavoy looking like mcgregor? they're like superman and clark kent. you never see them together so you never notice how much they look alike. well, watch out faithful readers because i'm about to pull the glasses off this mo-fo!!




ok, so i will grant you that there are minor differences here and there BUT their eyes are all big and the same shade of blue (although that pic of mcavoy does his eyes NO justice- but if you've seen 'last king of scotland' you know what i'm talking about). their ears are the same, their faces are similarly shaped and they all have the same chin (although, yes, ewan has the weird chin-dimple thing but the shape of the chin is the same!). i know that james and ewan are both short at 5'7'' ish and both thin and gerard is some buff giant of a man, but look at the shapes of their faces. even with the height difference between the arguable better two and the buff one their faces are still the same shape. i ask you... WHAT the HELL is going on in scotland? are they breeding these guys to all look the same? they give them tiny differences (james and ewan have gingery beards but gerard's is dark, james and ewan are short and gerard is taller, ewan has the weird chin-dimple and the others don't) but when it comes down to it they all look as if they could be related. seriously, they could be brothers, could they not?!?!? i think that james and ewan look so alike that it's a little scary. gerard is maybe the cousin to the two short brothers but he's still in the family. don't deny it. i know you see it's there!!
my ultimate question is... if they're breeding hot scottish men, why are they not sending more out into the world? i found one for myself but there are other women (and men) out there in need. two of these three are married (and keep your hands off of mine) and gerard is just sort of whoring about so there need to be more of these guys released into the general population. send them here to the states. screw the recession, we will find work for them, even if it's just making them stand in front of a camera and badly recite lines (i'm looking at you here, gerard).
have a very scottish holiday season everyone!

9 comments:

Meeg said...

Wow you're right.

I have a few comments to make on Ewan MacGregor's filmography:

(A) Big Fish is awesome

(B) So we're calling the Pillow Book a good movie now?

(C) Thank you for pointing out how Moulin Rouge sucked. I feel like there's lots of fans out there and I don't understand why. That's why I felt like it was a bad omen for Australia that Baz Luhrmann was directing.

Stinky's Mommy and Daddy said...

a) big fish was awesome

b) i liked pillow book. it was weird and all but still... full frontal ewan? i'm not complaining.

c) oh yeah, i feel that the nicole kidman/baz luhrmann combo is bad and no good can come of it.

can we also bring up the fact that it's weird that gavin's pic falls right next to those of the big 3 in question and that there are weird similarities there, too? i didn't even realize that until i had it all posted up and looked at it. seriously, BREEDING PROGRAM(ME). and apparently i've been sucked into it somehow. are my children going to be a part of this or does my italian blood nullify it? hmmm...

woweeezoweee said...

So is it that they are all good looking, or specifically that they all look alike... and just happen to be attractive. I, being Scottish, feel I couldn't look less like any of them. Taking into consideration your compelling case; them all being Scottish, they look alike and look nothing like me then I can only conclude that I come from Omicron Persei 8

Gavin

Meeg said...

Yeah, way to ruin the breeding programme. That's worse than how when we dagos move apartments we invariably leave tomato sauce splattered on the walls.

Jen said...

Seriously, when you see the rest of the guys in scotland, you'll understand why those were the only three we sent over (Gavin/Paul not included of course since he's already been sent over)

In fact, you stole the only ones worth keeping!!!

Damn you USA!!!!!!!!!!!

Stinky's Mommy and Daddy said...

ok-
nice try, gavin/paul(whoever you are!!). you DO look like them. everyone else says so and you just (for some crizaz reason) don't want to admit it. own that you look like the other hot guys. it's ok. i don't know if i would have married you if you were fug (wow, way to unearth my own shallow nature in a blog comment), BE the hot guy you are.

meeg, i have to say that although i clearly am going to muddy the waters of the breeding programme (and i will take responsibility for that when the time comes) that i was NOT the one who got tomato sauce on the living room wall BEHIND the bookshelf!! that totally had to be you (and i still want to know how you did it!).

jenny, we stole nothing. they came freely. just wait for my blog post on scottish women :P no, no!! just kidding!! you're very pretty and so is that kelly mcdonald (is that right? woman from 'gosford park') woman. but tell me why it is that i can't think of any other hot scottish female a-listy celebs (not to say that kelly mcdonald is a-list AT ALL)? and from what i know mcavoy is married to an english woman, gavin/paul is married to an american (with dago blood :P), butler whores it up with everyone and mcgregor is married to some mystery woman who may or may not be scottish. so, the scottish women are 1 in 4 (MAYBE) with nabbing the hot scottish blokes. what are you all getting up to over there? and how are you keeping the breeding program(me) going?!?!?

Jen said...

Firstly, the only reason there are no hot Scottish women in America is that we are all still in Scotland (obviously). Once you get here you will see. Whereas, the 4 hot Scottish men are all in America!!!

And didn't you ever think to wonder (in your slanderous comments on the lack of hot scottish women by the fact that the 4 hot scottish men are dating non-scottish ladies) that I'm shacked up with an Australian (in England), my friend Yvonne has done likewise with a Frenchman (before which she was with an American), and my other mate Ali has just dumped a Scottish boy for being just generally dumb!!!

If the gene pool is suffering it is definitely not the fault of the female of the Scottish species!!!

What could the meaning behind it all be? Perhaps all the ones worth keeping were smart enough to get out!

Stinky's Mommy and Daddy said...

it did actually occur to me to mention that your man was indeed not scottish when i was writing that comment but i felt that it sounded better if i just left that out. it seems like there's some sort of epidemic in scotland and everyone is looking outside to breed.
i implore the people of scotland to get together more often! we cannot lose this program(me)!! it's clearly a good thing (look back at the pictures if you have to!). i beg you to have more sex with one another and breed good looking scottish children!!

Meeg said...

Don't take the "me" out of the scottish breeding programme.