In Memoriam: Natasha Richardson

loved her, love her sister, love her mom, love her husband.

i even liked her in 'maid in manhattan'. now that's saying something.
my greatest sympathy and condolences go out to her family and friends (and especially her kids).

Open Letter to New Orleans

Nola,
i almost don't know what to say to you. we've been together for so long that i really do feel as if you're a part of me. i now know that i'll be leaving you soon. don't worry, i'll come back to visit and you'll always be with me, no matter where i go.
i worry about you so often. every summer i'll be watching and hoping that nothing comes your way to harm you. i'll keep up with my charities, etc from scotland. i'm even keeping this post as 'from the streets of katrinaville' because i feel that, no matter where i am, my heart is here. i'll miss your oak trees and your festivals. i'll miss your food and your music. i'll miss your heart and personality.
take care of my family and friends while i'm gone, please. keep them safe.
stay in touch. i know i will.
love always,
nic

Visa Approval Email

i got an email saying that my visa's been approved. approved. approved. approved.
i got my approval
approval
approval
that means we'll be on the boat on time
and we don't have to spend more money
and
andand
and
and
i got my approval email... i should get the actual visa in the mail in a couple of days.
APPROVAL!!!!!!!!! :)
thank you visa clearance officer!!
i love you,
nicole

Brad Pitt reminds Washington that New Orleans still exists

i have to give it to you brad, you're still coming through for us...

while i have to admit that i'm sick of seeing pics of st ang running around in wigs in dc making her new film, 'salt', i have to say that you have opted to use your time hanging in dc with your baby momma for a good cause.
for those of you who don't know, brad is in washington right now (with angie, who's making some movie... i'm sure you've seen the wonked out pics). he has met with nancy pelosi and other dem leaders to try to gain some support from washington for his 'make it right' program here in new orleans. way to bring it to the top, brad! i know that you were going grass roots for a long time and that's fab but we all know that DC has totally forgotten about us (not that they don't have some other pretty weighty issues to deal with now). with the economy as it is, it's getting even harder here than it was before so brad decided to take it to the top and get the government involved (as we can all agree that they haven't really noticed us since sometime around the 28th of august, 2005).
way to go, brad!! push 'make it right', let them know we're here, we still need help and make them do your bidding (well, everyone else does-- why would the senate be any different?). seriously, way to keep on keeping on!
all the best,

nic

ps-- i just read that he's even been granted an audience with obama himself to talk about new orleans. rock it, brad. bush might not care about black people but something tells me that obama does. good luck!

pps-- i read some thing online about an interview in which they asked anniston about brad (did you really expect anything different?) and she apparently said that she was, 'way over him'. ok, jenn. we believe you. suuuuuuure we do. and you didn't look nervous at the oscars while angie was looking up and laughing at you and your stuttering, stumbling speach, either.

Open Letter to the Visa Clearance Officer at the British Consulate in L.A.

Dear Mr/Ms/Miss/Mrs Visa Clearance Officer,

hey! how are you doing? i was just writing to see how you are and to see what's been up. you know, you first heard from me a little more than a month ago and we've really fallen out of touch since then. i don't think that we're not talking because you're mad at me. i can't really see how you would be. i gave you everything you asked for. you know that gavs and i are a real couple (if the 400 pictures didn't prove it, i don't know what will). you guys said that it would be 3 to 4 weeks tops. we're over that time period now and i'm getting a little (ok, a lot) worried that maybe we've fallen out for some reason. if i did something to upset you, just let me know and i'll fix it. if not, could you please do me a HUGE favor and approve my visa? it would really help me out (and save me from losing my already tenuous grip on reality). thanks, i appreciate it.hope you're well and that you have a good weekend (oh, if you could tell me today-- before the weekend-- that would allow me to really relax A LOT and enjoy my weekend like you wouldn't believe. just in case... i thought i'd mention). anyway, thanks again.
yours,
nicole

Books you must read before you're too senile to remember that you've read them

ok, i've seen 1001 books that tell me all about the 1001 books that i simply MUST read before i die. i'm not sure who is writing these books that tell me what books to read but it seems a little bit insane. that being said, i'm all for insanity so i'm going to go with MY very own list of 12 (just because i like the number) books you MUST read before you get hit by a bus or come down with some horrible illness and they have to put you in a bubble because your immune system is so weak that even being around outside air might kill you (and we're assuming you can't sterilize books).

i'm not going to make this painfully long- just the book, author and a line or two about why i think it deserves a place on my list (which isn't really in any particular order).

1. Lolita, Vladimir Nabokov. one of the greatest authors of all time, lolita is arguably nabokov's most famous book. it's beautifully written, creepy, sad, funny and everything else you want a book to be. pedophilia as a love story. the villan as a victim. it doesn't get better than this. and if that doesn't convince you then the opening chapter should:

Lolita, light of my life, fire of my loins. My sin, my soul. Lo-lee-ta: the tip of the tongue taking a trip of three steps down the palate to tap, at three, on the teeth. Lo. Lee. Ta.

She was Lo, plain Lo, in the morning, standing four feet ten in one sock. She was Lola in slacks. She was Dolly at school. She was Dolores on the dotted line. But in my arms she was always Lolita.
Did she have a precursor? She did, indeed she did. In point of fact, there might have been no Lolita at all had I not loved, one summer, a certain initial girl-child. In a princedom by the sea. Oh when? About as many years before Lolita was born as my age was that summer. You can always count on a murderer for a fancy prose style.
Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, exhibit number one is what the seraphs, the misinformed, simple, noble-winged seraphs, envied. Look at this tangle of thorns.

2. The Stranger, Albert Camus. apart from being one of the best books written by one of the best authors of all time this book has the honorable distinction of having a Cure song written about it ("Killing An Arab"). one of two books that i consider to truly capture my sense and idea of existentialism in prose form. drenched in camus' ideas about the absurdity of the human condition (and existence) and a universe devoid of consequence or meaning, this book shows me new things each time i read it.

3. The Dark Is Rising (sequence), Susan Cooper. this is a series of 5 books (yes, they're children's fantasy books) that is one of the best i've ever read. the books weave in and out in terms of main characters, place and time, ultimately culminating in a combination of complex story lines that you wouldn't have expected. cooper is so amazing at weaving in heavy references to authurian legend, celtic legend and just good old fashioned good versus evil that i defy even the most cynical of adults to not enjoy these books.

4. his dark materials, philip pullman. (that's right, i've already lost the will to use caps). i'm sure everyone heard about the film, 'the golden compass' that came out and was based on the first in this trilogy of novels. i saw the film and it in no way did this series justice. the books are about (yes, of course) the battle between good and evil but they're also about the purity of love, the infinite nature of the universe (or universes), the human condition, the nature of the human soul, death, the afterlife, innocence and sacrifice. they are action packed, entertaining, touching and i have never known anyone who has read them and not liked them.

5. the curious case of the dog in the night-time, mark haddon. i'm not really sure how to describe what this book is about or why it had such an impact on me. it's a sort of mystery story told from the perspective of an autistic boy... but his autism isn't really the focus of the book (although it clearly plays a major factor). this isn't 'flowers for algrenon'. the book is funny and engaging, not only in the way that it allows you into the boy's mind but in terms of the plot and development of the story itself. mark haddon came out of nowhere with this (his first) book and i think it's honestly one of the best i've ever read.

6. the interpreter of maladies, jhumpa lahiri. perhaps you've seen (or read) lahiri's second work, 'the namesake'. if so then you know that she is capable of telling sublimely beautiful stories that resonate with the reader to the very core. interpreter of maladies is actually a collection of short stories, all of them about what it is to be indian in both india and the states. some of the stories focus of 2nd generation indians who have grown up in the states and the distance they feel from their rich and colorful heritage, some are about life on the streets of bombay. regardless of the setting, the characters are so well developed and the scenes set so perfectly that you can see the dark browns and oranges of the henna and you can smell the masala as you're reading. regardless of your feelings about india, this book will make everyone realize that there is a connection within you to where you came from-- even if you've never physically been there.

7. venus in furs, leopold von sacher-masoch. ahh... leopold. the masochism to the marquis' sadism. i'm not saying that this is the best novel in the world but if you write a book and when people read it they name a sexual deviancy after you, it deserves to be on the list. i do have to say that i actually did enjoy it though. it's part of an epic series but this is the only part of it i read (thanks, lou reed).

8. titus groan/gormenghast, mervyn peake. these are actually the first two books in a trilogy. the final book, titus alone-- well, let's just say that you can skip it. these first two though are sheer genius. the first book, titus groan, tells of the birth of the son of the 76th earl of groan. the whole story is set within the walls (the rocks, the stones) of a place called gormenghast, a series of castles and turrets and buildings and huts that make up a fantastical, gothic earldom. there is seemingly nothing outside of the stones. all that you see is gormenghast. the cast of characters in both titus groan and gormenghast are quite stunning. there is young titus himself (who does not really fugure in all that much until the 2nd novel as he is only 2 at the end of the first), the mysterious steerpike, whose cunning and charm make him quite the adversary, the daughter of the earl, fuchsia who is lost in her own world of fantasty and dreams... i could go on for ages. these books are classics for their amazing descriptive passages and character development alone (but they are so much more). i might add that this is another one of my selections that The Cure has written a song about ('The Drowning Man'). ahhh, robert. how much you have to show us.

9. marabou stork nightmares, irvine welsh. this book is insane. literally. it's told on two levels, one in a first-person, past tense narrative and the other in a weird stream of consiousness present-tense freak out narrative (here it must be mentioned that our narrator is in a coma). the book is fascinating, scarry, an interesting read and...let's be frank...when the man who brought you 'trainspotting' decides he's going to show you what crazy is, you read it.

10. lanark, alasdair gray. how does one even begin to explain lanark? first of all, it took gray 30 years to write. secondly, it's written in four 'books' but they are out of sequence (purposefully, of course). we begin in book 3, where we meet lanark (who isn't even sure that that is his name). he has just awoken on a train. all he has with him is a bag. he has just awoken on a train. he has no idea how he got there or who he is. he arrives in unthank, a post-apocolyptic version of glasgow where the sun never shines and people disappear and turn into demonic creatures. by the end of book 3 we are so enthralled, confused and locked in wide-eyed wonderment that we cannot help but keep reading. once we've passed through the mystifying world of book 3 we enter the world of book 1. book 1 is the story of a young boy named duncan thaw living in pre-war glasgow. the narrative in books one and two (the order is book 3,1,2,4) is straight-forward and not fantastical as it is in books one and four. i'll let you climb into this one before i give anything away. is duncan thaw lanark? is lanark dead? is unthank hell? is glasgow hell? this book is considered to be one of the most brilliant and insightful works concerning the psyche of the scottish peoples in the 20th century (anthony burgess himself said that gray was the best scottish novelist since walter scott)-- not to mention it's just well-written and damn cool.

11. mysteries, knut hampsun. an interesting book about a traveller who enters a small town and begins to befriend all of the locals, including a mysterious dwarf whose story is unclear at best. little is known about the traveller but all who see or meet him are somehow drawn to him. the novel itself is really quite amazing but almost eclipsed by the insanity of the man who wrote it. knut hampson was- not to put too fine a point on it- an absolute fucker. he was a scandinavian writer of nazi propoganda and a virtual hermit. apparently, at one point hitler went to meet with hampsun. upon leaving his company, hitler said that he never wanted to see that crazy bastard again (i'm paraphrasing). his horrible personal life aside, mysteries is actually a very engaging and surprising book that shows that even people that madmen think are mad can create art that is beautiful.

12. pride and prejudice, jane austen. yea, i know. you've seen the movie (or, at least one of the 50,000 versions that have been made). thing is, it's a proper love story. austen really does bring us to rural england, to london, to the pits of hatred and the heights of love. it is moving, the language descriptive and the writing enchanting. this is the one that redeems the romance genre as all of the crappy romance novels that have been written since have tainted it.

oh yeah, and just because i've had a crappy day...we'll end with some much needed eye-pleasure--

Open Letter to Gerard Butler...

Gerry,
we have to talk. i haven't said too much about you here and i think that the things that i've said have been fairly complementary (at least in terms of your looks) but i have given you a hard time in terms of your ability to act. now, i've seen a couple more of your films and i've learned some things about ones that i'd already seen that cast them in a different light... so i have to say that i'm sorry for saying that we would just put you in front of a camera so that you could look pretty.
the first thing is that i really didn't realize that that was you in, 'dear frankie'. i saw that movie years ago, loved it and just didn't know who you were. i did really like you in it, though and thought that you acted very well. i also recently saw, 'rocknrolla' (or however it's meant to be written) and i thought that you were really good and funny in that, as well (although i really think that guy ritchie just needs to stop. it's the same movie over and over. that being said, if i were offered a part in a woody allen movie i would take it in a heartbeat- even if it was just a rehashing of something he'd done before. BUT woody just did 'vicky christina barcelona' which isn't really anything like his other films and other that 'swept away'-- i'll pause so that you can all breathe to keep yourselves from gagging-- ritchie keeps churning out the same shit). anyway, i understand why you would want to work with him and i thought that the movie was ok but more to the point, you were good in it.
i have also come to the conclusion that although it is a VERY sappy love story, if it were not for the presence of hillary swank in 'P.S. I Love You', that it could have been much better. In fact, i thought that you were good in it. she was rubbish and yet i genuinely believed that you were in love with her. anyone who can pull that off has to be given some sort of props for acting ability. i even like your singing in it. thought it was pretty damn good. we will come to accents in a bit...
last night i saw, 'Butterfly on a Wheel'. ok, so the movie was a bit odd and i called the ending really early in (to a certain extent) but i again thought that you were good. i like the raw emotion that your capable of showing on screen. it's a clive oweny type of thing. it doesn't seem contrived or forced. when you seem angry or frightened (or even in love) i believe you. and isn't that the mark of good acting.? again, we'll come to accents in a bit...
as far as '300' goes, i saw it not really knowing what it was and thought that it was an overly-digitized, historically inaccurate abomination. then i learned that it was a frank miller piece. to my mind that forgives the animated look of the film and even the historical inaccuracies. it's frank miller, it was meant to look like a graphic novel (it was, in fact, a graphic novel brought to the screen- just like 'sin city'). so that's ok. i thought that you were good in it now that i know what it was going for. at first i thought that you were way over the top (which you would have been if it had been a normal film) but it was MEANT to be over the top. so, for making fun of that, i am sorry. i now see that you pulled off what you were aiming for (and now i sort of like it- not enough to see it again- but nonetheless).
i also re-watched bits of 'Mrs. Brown' and although you're only in it for a bit, i have to say that you were good in it. there was no overacting, you fit into the role as you should have. you were believable and it was a good part for you.
on the other hand, i'm scared to watch 'Phantom of the Opera'. i really am not quite sure why you would agree to make this into a film but i don't want to tarnish the image i have of you now so i think i'm going to steer clear of it.
oh, i also saw, 'Nim's Island' and as much as i can't stand jodie foster i thought that it was a cute family film and that you were good in it. it was just an average film in general but i have no complaints about your acting in it, so that's a plus for you.
i'm going to ignore that you did 'tomb raider' because no matter how good or bad you might have been in it i won't be able to focus on what you're doing because i'll be too busy cringing at st. angie's accent...
speaking of accents, we've come to that time. now, in many of your films you roll with your own accent (which is beautiful, i might add). great deep voice, great posh(ish) glaswegian accent... i love it. in others (like, 'ps i love you' and 'butterfly on a wheel') you go for first an irish accent and then an american one. now, british actors are well known for their ability to morph into other accents (especially american ones) but in 'butterfly on a wheel' it actually took me about 20 minutes to figure out if you were doing an american accent or just playing a scottish guy who's lived in the states for so long that his accent is lighter than it once was. but no, you were going for american. you either need an accent coach or you need to just stop taking rolls that require you to put on an accent. your accent in 'ps i love you' sounds like no irish person i've ever met (and i've met quite a few) and i shouldn't have to struggle to try and figure out where you're from in a film. i should just know, 'oh, he's american'. i'm not sure why your directors aren't pointing this flaw out to you, but someone has to. i think that maybe your accent is just too strong perhaps. i'm not sure. all i know is, stick to your real accent. the films that you're in in which you use your real voice are much better and the weirdness doesn't get in the way.
to conclude (for now) i'll just say that i'm sorry that i said that you were just a pretty face (although you are that, too). you've actually done some really good work and i look forward to seeing you progress in the future. just please-- stop making movies with hillary swank and st. angie (oh, and i hear you're doing something with katherine heigel now-- for the love of god!! make sure who's in the movie BEFORE you accept the role!). you can get better leading ladies. seriously.
on a slightly personal note- i read your bio thing on imdb and i have to say that i love you all the more for being a lawyer who quit to become an actor, that you saved that kid's life during 'mrs brown' and that you are apparently really cool to EVERYONE on set, not just the big celebs. props for that. i'm still questioning your taste in women but i can't begin to believe that you've really been with everyone they've linked you with (i mean, travis barker's ex? that ho? come on...) so i'll just live with the knowledge that you're a man-whore (i'm not complaining) with possibly dubious taste (cameron diaz?!? uugghh). still, if you can take the ladies and then walk away (especially a-listers like funky face diaz) more power to you.
all the best,
nicp.s. you really are just smokin' hot (and you sooooo know it).