Visa Approval Email

i got an email saying that my visa's been approved. approved. approved. approved.
i got my approval
approval
approval
that means we'll be on the boat on time
and we don't have to spend more money
and
andand
and
and
i got my approval email... i should get the actual visa in the mail in a couple of days.
APPROVAL!!!!!!!!! :)
thank you visa clearance officer!!
i love you,
nicole

Open Letter to the Visa Clearance Officer at the British Consulate in L.A.

Dear Mr/Ms/Miss/Mrs Visa Clearance Officer,

hey! how are you doing? i was just writing to see how you are and to see what's been up. you know, you first heard from me a little more than a month ago and we've really fallen out of touch since then. i don't think that we're not talking because you're mad at me. i can't really see how you would be. i gave you everything you asked for. you know that gavs and i are a real couple (if the 400 pictures didn't prove it, i don't know what will). you guys said that it would be 3 to 4 weeks tops. we're over that time period now and i'm getting a little (ok, a lot) worried that maybe we've fallen out for some reason. if i did something to upset you, just let me know and i'll fix it. if not, could you please do me a HUGE favor and approve my visa? it would really help me out (and save me from losing my already tenuous grip on reality). thanks, i appreciate it.hope you're well and that you have a good weekend (oh, if you could tell me today-- before the weekend-- that would allow me to really relax A LOT and enjoy my weekend like you wouldn't believe. just in case... i thought i'd mention). anyway, thanks again.
yours,
nicole

Musings on love and leaving...

how can one be certain of love? love that is received, not given. it is not a question of what is in one's own heart and mind, that is for another day. it is a question of how one knows the hearts and minds of those around them. the love that you are given can seem like a fleeting thing-- when you question if their words are real, wonder why the phone rings with no answer, when you feel loneliness creeping up behind you...
it can all be abandoned and a new start can be made. but then how, if you love, can you not care if that love is returned? for what is love without its reciprocation? it is a hollow feeling, a state of unrequitedness that makes melancholy take up residence in your heart and soul.
i sit and wonder if they or she or he still love me, if they will love me when i am far away, if they will love me in 20 years. will we still be friends then? will we still be lovers? will all of those who i hold dear turn from me? will they be lost to me and i to them?
i dread the day when i know that all is lost. i feel it coming on, i feel it rushing towards me like the water from a levee breach. will i drown in the love that i still hold but that is no longer returned? will the heart of my heart break when i look around to see no one around?
my soul cries out, "of course it will! you can feel it coming, you know it will, it is the reason that these questions come to mind. you ask because you know the reality that the future holds. it is the fear of this reality that creates these questions. you think that if you ask that it will not happen. you cannot stop the future. your future cannot be avoided with mere musings."
i look out into the grey snowy monet of my future and i see the little house covered in snow. only the remembrances of love past make the fire burn to keep me warm enough to stave off freezing. in my chair i close my eyes, the love lights flicker as they sputter to nothing but a smoking ember and then so do i.

what a pain...

so, the countdown has begun...
soon enough i will no longer be writing from the streets of katrinaville, rather i will be writing from the streets of northeastern scotland...
of course the tone will change (not that many people will notice...) but i hope to be able to strike a good balance between what was and what will be. i hope that the few people who read this will enjoy what i have planned. i know that once i move i will have a lot more time to write (and hopefully i will soon have good news about progress concerning our move!).
i just wanted to write to let all of you know that i haven't forgotten about you but that things have been a bit hectic on my end. i promise to write more as things begin to calm down and become more settled (one can but hope).
love to all and i will write again soon.
hope to hear from all of you.
xxx
nic

The time is flying by...

So, here we find ourselves in (almost) mid-October. Halloween is around the corner (I'm already sad that I won't get to see what Meeg is going to dress up as) and fall is most certainly upon us. It's getting cooler here in the city of the never-ending blinding sunlight and daylight savings ends in less than a month. To think that this is the last Autumn that I'll spend here is a little more than bizarre. I don't know that it's really sunk in. Once Halloween hits, it's all just going to be a torrent of activity from there. Gavin's birthday, our anniversary, Thanksgiving... November is chock full of things that make the time seem to fly. Then there's Christmas and New Year. Right after that we have to finish paying for our transport and then Mardi Gras is upon us. In early March I have to apply for my visa and by mid-April I will be on a boat watching this country receed into the distance. Makes me think of all of the people I know who read this (or don't read this), the people I really write it for (when I write), my friends.
Maybe I'm just feeling sappy and sentimental but I'll miss all of my friends. Even the ones I don't see or talk to so much anymore. It's all going to change. In the blink of an eye it won't just be a function of me not seeing friends because we're all busy, it'll be a function of not seeing people because they're a world away. I know that I'm not leaving for another 5 and a half months but I'm still beginning to miss you all already.
Just wanted that out there. I know I'm leaving and who knows when or if I'll ever come back. I appreciate all of you who've been my friends for all this time. I love all of you and hope that the distance that is soon to come between us doesn't diminish the friendships that we have.
xxxxx
nic